Guest guest Posted January 19, 2008 Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 Only when nada is the one in the wrong, but I had to hear about that effing sweater of hers that got lost/stolen when I wore it to school for twenty years. > > Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed > something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned > about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was > a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five > days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or > gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under > splitting? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2008 Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 I'd say time warping is just yet another manifestion of DENIAL. ~Elle > > > > > > Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed > > something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned > > about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was > > a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five > > days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or > > gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under > > splitting? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 I've had that problem with Nada, it's part of the distortion of reality that they do to pretend bad things didn't happen. It used to make me feel like the crazy one, like I couldn't let things go when everyone else had done so (everyone being the rest of my FOO) Passage of time was also used to trivialize things. For example, the thing that triggered my NC a couple of years ago was when I found out my Nada had used details about my life to create fictional personalities online. Acting as these fictional women, she would then have online and telephone relationships with random guys she met online. It was really sick and violated so many boundaries I decided never to share anything with her again. THe initial guy I learned about 'knew' her a few years prior to our discovery. However, through a lot of battling (I'm the one who kept calling her out and am therefor the cause of our family's destruction) she admitted that there were a handful more guys. The time warp bit is this . . . My dad for a long time was trying to get me to talk to her, since she's my mother and needs me and is hurting yada yada yada. He kept saying- well, all that was years ago, and it's time to move on. But it wasn't years ago. It was months ago, and even though one of the 'relationships' was years before, some were recent. But he, probably due to her 'framing' of the situation, seemed to forget that fact. Besides- even if it was 10 years ago, it still doesn't make it OK. I'm so glad I went NC. It's nice to exist in the 'real' world all the time now. > > Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed > something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned > about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was > a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five > days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or > gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under > splitting? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 My nada undergoes several cycles of emotion every single day. While most people go through several months without having any real outbursts or terrible days, my nada goes from a high high to a low low at least two to three times daily and I think it makes a single day feel as long as a week might for 'normal' people. I recently had a mix-up with work and it seemed as though I was going to lose a full paycheck in back taxes immediately. I totally panicked and was crying and pacing around my apartment on the phone, trying to figure out I was going to pay rent etc. Then my manager called and told me that the accounting department had made an error and taxed me for both addresses (I'd moved and was being billed city/ state taxes for both addresses). Anyway, long story short, I was totally exhausted after the whole ordeal. I rarely get that worked up (money is always my hot button though, it makes sense after twenty years of nada's financial abuse!) and all I could think was--How does nada go through this every day, sometimes several times a day? No wonder time passes so differently for her, she only sleeps four hours a night too, her days must feel so terribly long and painful- adrison7 wrote: Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under splitting? --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 When I was home this last trip and stuck in the car with nada running errands for the day, I had run out of things to talk about and was sick of her negative running stream of stories about her friends' drama, what a loser my stepdad is etc. so I asked her to tell me stories about myself as a baby. She started out with sweet ones, how I was tiny and happy and sang all the time but then she quickly started talking about how difficult I was when I was two, how I always threw tantrums, how I was unable to listen to and follow directions, how I lied all the time and was spacey. In hindsight, I realize that I probably developed one of my biggest coping mechanisms--spacing out and focusing on happy, fantasy things--from a young age. It'd been ingrained in my thinking that I was a difficult child but I'm starting to realize how much she resented me for just having normal, childlike urges, reactions, tempers and needs. I also unearthed another, disturbing memories from the dark emptiness of my childhood (I really have so few memories) and it was of us driving to the ice skating rink for my lessons and her yelling at me for having forgotten my skate guards. I remember her pulling a violent u-turn and grabbing my hand, digging her long nails into my hand. I had all these bloody little half moons on my palm during my lesson and I remember the teacher being really disturbed when I told her they were from my mom but that it was ok, it was my fault because I had been forgetful. Yuck! slingshot2hell wrote: oh, i know how it is! i still have to hear about what a difficult BABY i was, but if i don't forgive her for something that she said to me last week there must be something wrong with me! > > > > Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed > > something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned > > about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was > > a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five > > days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or > > gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under > > splitting? > > > --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 I too, was a difficult child - according to nada. Imagine my surprise when as an older adult, she went on and on about what a wonderful child I was. Hmmmmm, they sure do have a flare for making up their own versions of history. Sylvia > > When I was home this last trip and stuck in the car with nada running errands for the day, I had run out of things to talk about and was sick of her negative running stream of stories about her friends' drama, what a loser my stepdad is etc. so I asked her to tell me stories about myself as a baby. She started out with sweet ones, how I was tiny and happy and sang all the time but then she quickly started talking about how difficult I was when I was two, how I always threw tantrums, how I was unable to listen to and follow directions, how I lied all the time and was spacey. In hindsight, I realize that I probably developed one of my biggest coping mechanisms--spacing out and focusing on happy, fantasy things- -from a young age. It'd been ingrained in my thinking that I was a difficult child but I'm starting to realize how much she resented me for just having normal, childlike urges, reactions, tempers and needs. > > I also unearthed another, disturbing memories from the dark emptiness of my childhood (I really have so few memories) and it was of us driving to the ice skating rink for my lessons and her yelling at me for having forgotten my skate guards. I remember her pulling a violent u-turn and grabbing my hand, digging her long nails into my hand. I had all these bloody little half moons on my palm during my lesson and I remember the teacher being really disturbed when I told her they were from my mom but that it was ok, it was my fault because I had been forgetful. > > Yuck! ...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2008 Report Share Posted January 27, 2008 It's just a jump to the left, And then a step to the riiiiiiight. But it's the nada bunk that really drives you insaaaaane, Let's do the time warp again! Sorry, couldn't resist! To answer your question, my nada is fond of doing the time warp. She conveniently " forgets " something she did that invaded me as a person a few months before, and refuses to recognize that she did the same thing again recently, for example. Anything she did that's unacceptable she's " forgotten " about, or makes up some excuse to show that it was really some sort of misunderstanding and not a deliberate manipulation on her part. And yet she has a very long memory for events in which *she* felt slighted, and will launch into a great soliloquy about them at the drop of a hat. qwerty > > Projection, blaming, splitting....but has anyone ever noticed > something I call the time warp? Like if I say that I am concerned > about something because xyz happened, the response is, `well that was > a looonnggg time ago. And when I point out that `it` was exactly five > days ago which is not a long time by anybody`s watch she ignores or > gets mad. But maybe that is simply a characteristic that goes under > splitting? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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