Re: sex, love & mortification

[Guest guest]

and that's another

> thing. i don't hate myself...but sometimes i think i should.

> constantly (CONSTANTLY) hearing how selfish and inconsiderate i was

> really did a number.

God, I can relate to that...I was so filled with self-hate and shame growing up,

but

underneath that was always this little true core of self-love and belief in my

" rightness " ...and I was ashamed if it! Like, I must really BE horrible, if I

can't even accept

how horrible I am! Like that little core of self-love was the Lucifer in me,

keeping me too

proud to allow myself to be destroyed...instead of the voice of God I now know

it was.

Thank God I didn't let it go. I think that's what turned my mom BPD...hers did

get broken

in childhood, or maybe she self-destructed it to try and please her domineering,

neglectful

parents. I think it infuriated her that I wouldn't do the same for her.

Love,

Vi