Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 whippets2love -- Welcome! Stick around! This site is very validating, no doubt about it. Glad it's helping you, too! -Kyla > > Hi, I've just discovered your site and support group today and boy do > I need it! Dealing with my aging BPD mother is just about pushing me > to the edge of sanity lately. Just wanted to say hello and thanks. > It helps a lot to know that so many other people share the same > feelings that I do, you really helped me today. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 I think that " grief " at someone's passing depends on how we interacted with them when they are alive. I think my nada likes to think she can manipulate me through planting that thought in my head that I'll be sorry when she's gone, but the truth is, she and I are not close! I feel blasphemous saying that, but it's the truth! I'm not anxious to say it to her face, but it's the truth. So, at her passing? I'm going to feel sad that this tortured woman is finally at rest, and sadness at how much of her life was wasted by being a hermit and afraid of the world. I'm sure I'll shed tears, but it won't be because I miss our closeness. She keeps believing the myth that because someone is your MOTHER, that the relationship is automatic. It's not. She's not close to her brothers, either. One in particular -- they don't speak. Hate each other. This brother came into town to see the other brother and didn't tell mom. She found out about it and was all righteous indignation -- " He didn't even tell me he was coming! He came into town and I never knew about it! " -- and I just simply stated, to her surprise, " But, you guys aren't close. " She seemed stunned that I threw water all over her pity party. Just another example of her odd view of relationships -- so it figures she still holds to the myth that, even though we're not close and she doesn't nurture a relationship, that I'll be " sorry " when she's gone. -kyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Wrestling with this question a lot right now as FADA(inlaw) has cancer and uses pity parties as a diffusion technique. Much of the family buys into it hook, line and sinker, but those he's really hurt are more realistic. Does the fact that someone may soon die change the life they've lived? Are WE (the survivors) somehow responsible for making them feel loved when they've done just the opposite to us while we grew up? Interesting what Kyla wrote about her nada freaking out when an estranged brother was in town and didn't contact her... FADA(inlaw) used to keep tabs on our visits back to the old neighborhood to visit our friends. At the time, we were not NC or even LC, but wanted the freedom to be in the area visiting our friends and relatives without the manipulation of being FORCED to include him and his accomplice wife in our visit somehow. It got so bad, we used to hide our car or be careful not to drive by his house for fear of being seen--anything to escape the wrath. It's amazing it took us all these years to realize he is not worthy of our love and now that he's dying, he isn't any more worth of it. ~Elle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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