FW: Someone Has Too Much Time On Their Hands...

[Guest guest]

A little humor for your weekend!

Hugs!~*~ Akiba ~*~

You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run aroundnaked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps mefrom streaking.Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even getinto my own pants.The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my bloodalcohol content.Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed witha relative!Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes miseryeasier to live with.I got a sweater for Christmas...really wanted ascreamer or a moaner.If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport theterminal?I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen toomany of them get elected!There are two sides to every divorce: Yours anddip-s*#*s.If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it dealsyou tomatoes, make Bloody 's. But if it deals you atruckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!I love being married. It's so great to find that onespecial person you want to annoy for the rest of yourlife.I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I amperfect.I married my wife for her looks...but not the onesshe's been giving me lately!Everyday I beat my own previous record for number ofconsecutive days I've stayed alive.If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see somany dead rabbits on the highway? Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant likehaving a peeing section in a swimming pool?