BPD's Effect On KO's Fertility

[Guest guest]

So...since we all have such similar experiences, I thought I would

put out a feeler about this one.

My husband and I have been unprotected for three years and no baby.

I've been tested and so has he, and we are both completely fine.

I'm 28, and he's 37. I'm starting to think my stepnada has

something to do with this.

For a long time I've been pretty terrified about having a child

knowing that my relationship with my father will end. This is what

has happened with my sister. Stepnada and dad have NOTHING to do

with her. Stepnada did not have biological children, and she

married my father knowing that he had had a vasectomy years before

he met her. Yet, we were forced to call her mom, screamed at if we

didn't cry with her over baby diaper commericials (I was 8), and

raged at about how we would never understand how hard infertility

is. She doesn't know if she's infertile or not! She didn't want to

adopt because she only wanted a bio kid from my dad. Nothing else

was good enough. Especially his two daughers. I know if they would

have had children together, our relationship with him would have

ended then and there. I sometimes feel that I am being punished

with infertility because I was not more emphathetic with her

plight. Then I start feeling like, what's the point, why subject

another innocent child to a raging, viscious bitch like her? How

could I forgive myself if she said some effed up thing to my child?

So, why aren't they speaking to my sister? Here goes, try to follow

the logic (there isn't any) 1. Sister refused to allow her in the

birthing room (none of us went in) because she wanted to give birth

in private (*gasp*, don't most people?), 2. Sister allowed stepnada

to help out right after she had the baby, but my stepnada

mysteriously stopped coming around. When sister asked why, she was

told " you're always too tired. " Um...yeah, she just had a BABY!!

3. Sister didn't invite stepnada to Easter lunch at her house fast

enough (my fault - I accidentally mentioned it, thinking my sister

had already invited her), 4. Stepnada showed up on mother's day

(my sister's 1st), and her birthday (the same day) and gave MY

sister attitude. For no apparent reason. When she left, my sister

emailed my dad and asked him to please fix whatever was wrong since

he knows how to talk to psycho bitch, 5. Stepnada intercepted the

email somehow and threw a fit about how dare my sister not just talk

to her about it (b/c she's insane and can't be talked to), she also

found out that my sister told my dad that she would not allow my her

to watch the baby alone. After that fight blew over, things were

still quite tense as you can imagine. 6. This last May, my sister

had my dad and stepnada over for lunch. She told my stepnada how

much the flooring guy (sister's friend) quoted them for wood

floors. Stepnada started getting very aggressive (she's very loud

mouthed) about how the guy was full of shit and how SHE knew

flooring pricing better than him because SHE was in the industry (15

years ago). She followed my sister around the house blah blah

blahing about it until my sister nicely asked her to please stop

arguing about it. Stepnada got all huffy and told my dad, they were

leaving RIGHT NOW, and they left after my dad asked her to apologize

and my sister refused, saying she had done NOTHING wrong, 7. A few

days later, Dad relayed the message that my sister needed to

apologize and that my stepnada didn't feel comfortable in their

house, 8. Sister refused and told him how ridiculous that was

since she has bent over backwards to make them comfortable.

My dad has not called my sister for her birthday, my niece's

birthday, Christmas or Thanksgiving. My stepnada has told me that

she is cut out of the will and they will no longer have anything to

do with her. Last time they were over, I found a picture of my

husband and niece turned around, facing the wall.

So, that's what happens when you assert independence for yourself or

your child around my stepnada. If you have a baby, she expects you

to make up for her lack of having had one. She told my sister she

cannot stand pregnant women, and would not have a relationship with

her granddaughter if she wasn't the clear favorite of the other two

grandmas - that she can't share. She will lose her mind when and if

I get pregnant and tell her she can't come in the room. I want my

mom in there, but know I can't ask her if stepnada can't come in

because it wouldn't be 'FAIR' and all hell would break loose in the

hospital. No wonder I can't get pregnant.

Thanks for reading,