Re: Re: Nada - beginning NC again - wedding

[Guest guest]

Wow, sounds like they really believe your weddings are all about THEM. Total

narcs

>

> After going through my own emotional rollarcoaster wedding where I

> was concerned about not hurting anyone, I realize that weddings bring

> out people's true colors. They just can't seem to hide it during this

> time. You can't please anyone, no matter how sensitive you are to

> everyone else's needs. All they care about are themselves when they

> should be focused on the bride and groom.

>

>

> >

> > I can relate to " wedding woes " when BPD is involved. When I got

> > married (two decades ago now) I was in a quandary about how to

> invite my

> > dad and BPD stepmother (had no name for the BPD at the time) and

> also

> > invite my mother's side of the family. Someone advised me to just

> be

> > the happy bride and not worry about it. I didn't know what else to

> > do, so that's what I did. First, my dad and stepmother refused to

> > come to the rehearsal dinner. The next day at my wedding, my dad

> > pulled me aside and asked me why I'd invited them. (My goodness,

> they

> > had helped me! I couldn't not invite them!) I told him they had

> helped

> > me and he asked me why we needed help when my fiance and I both had

> > jobs. They were all the more upset that my mother's side of the

> family

> > had stepped in and helped because it made them feel bad as

> parents.

> > After the wedding, my dad recovered from it more quickly then my

> > stepmother. My stepmother thought I'd done it to cause trouble and

> > spite her. She basically wrote me out of her life - which basically

> > meant she no longer signed birthday or Christmas cards – my dad did

> > it instead. My half-brother called and said he'd heard about what

> I did

> > to them and said he felt like he had to choose between loving them

> or

> > loving me. (I told him my aunts were all I had left of my

> mother.)

> > Things continued to be difficult for about two years. When I

> finally

> > talked to my stepmother, she said that I had caused most of the

> hurts in

> > her life. I told her that was not possible. She said she didn't feel

> > like a person for six months after my wedding. Thankfully, we were

> > finally able to reconcile this, and she finally understood it was

> not a

> > personal affront. But I was so tired of my wedding being the

> focus of

> > family turmoil. I just wanted it to be what it actually was!!! My

> > wedding!! Because of it I had become the " bad sheep of the family "

> for

> > years.

> >

> >

> >