Re: Should I call her?

[Guest guest]

Coopbear,

I love how your nada goes back to cards you have sent her to try to validate

herself and

negate you. Companies that leech money off of us that stand there looking for

one card

that we can buy that won't make us gag with disgust that we are succumbing to

guilt and

" honoring " this person that has time and again made us miserable with a card a

signature

and a stamp.

>No matter what I've done for you, this evil

> image of me won't go away. I read your cards over last night and

> couldn't believe that I am now being accused of wanting to ruin your

> marriage. I was once a pillar of strength to you and now I'm nothing

> more than rubbish. "

My nada likes to lay on the guilt about not calling too. This last time I was

very honest

and just told her the truth. " Ya know mom, I knew you and Robbie were fighting

again and

I just hurt my back and have had to take flexaril for the pain and i just did

not have the

energy to do it. " The part about you having control over her happiness is just

a huge guilt

trip.

> And then another one: " A caring phone call on your part would end all

> the unhappiness and I would not bring anything unpleasant up at all. I

> would start from scratch. I am forgiving because I love you. "

>

If she wants to be a part of your life so bad then she should have to meet a few

demands

from you! Starting with therapy for her! She has to get it and stick with it

and allow input

to the therapist from you or your own therapist. Why should you have to be the

one that

bends over backwards when all you want to do is walk away?

Just my opinion

Carla

[Guest guest]

Thank you all so much for your posts. Sometimes it's so easy to feel

like an alien and completely insane when dealing with her. It's the

toughest challenge that I haven't been able to figure out - and maybe

I don't need to in this case. Maybe I just need to understand that I

need to be content in my own life. Love those that love me and

protect myself from those that harm me, like her. I don't know why I

let her have such power over me, but I am learning from your messages

and other posts I read on this board that I have no control over this

situation or her. I am only responsible for my own life and my own

emotions.

Ugh...I hate this. She is so up and down. She actually wrote me

an email saying how beautiful I looked at my sister's baby shower and

then said that she is willing to be in my life and have a loving

relationship if that's what I want and can act that way. F* & ^*#$ & G

SICK!! Everything comes with a condition and it makes me so uneasy.

The one time I get afraid of myself is when I deal with her.

Thank you again, I will keep coming back here for support. I know

it's going to be ok. I have my husband, my sister, my Dad and my

husband's familly. I am safe.

Coop ~*

>

> I wrote to this board a while ago about my mother contacting my

> husband. It's been since the week before Thanksgiving that we have

> not been speaking. Occasionally comments back and forth through email.

>

> She called me the other day and was saying how ungrateful I am and I

> just kept saying that I am not going to continue the discussion right

> now and that we should talk when she has calmed down a bit.

>

> She then said " if you keep this up your husband will know about it. "

> To which I responded, with a surprised laugh, " go ahead, you aren't

> going to ruin my marriage. say what you want, i'm no longer afraid. "

>

> Then she freaked of course saying " how could you put words in my mouth

> like that. i would never ruin your marriage. how dare you??? " Blah

> blah blah...

>

> Then she wrote me emails again of course with: " The reason why I want

> to seek your husband's help is because I am desperate. I would never

> say anything to ruin your marriage. I want you to be happy. I would

> only seek his help in trying to reach you. You don't realize how much

> your comment and your laugh about wanting to ruin your marriage hurt

> me. You are quite capable of hurting me. This is proof of your lasting

> image of me as " evil. " No matter what I've done for you, this evil

> image of me won't go away. I read your cards over last night and

> couldn't believe that I am now being accused of wanting to ruin your

> marriage. I was once a pillar of strength to you and now I'm nothing

> more than rubbish. "

>

> And then another one: " A caring phone call on your part would end all

> the unhappiness and I would not bring anything unpleasant up at all. I

> would start from scratch. I am forgiving because I love you. "

>

> I am at the point where I just don't need her in my life - that's how

> I feel. I don't need this and I don't know how to deal with these

> emails. Should I call her as if nothing has been going on??? I know

> this is all because she is " sick " and as a result acting like a little

> girl, but I've spent my ENTIRE life with this and am just sick of it.

>

> I write to you, my support, for help.

>

> Thank you!

>

> -Coop B

>