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So Frustrated & Angry

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Hello all,

I don't know where to begin. Well some background: Nada came to visit my hubby &

I last Oct. It was a disaster, she was on her worse behavior. I'm chronically

ill to begin with & being around her, my health tends to fall apart rapidly, so

hubby OK'd my sudden disappearance during her visit. Fast forward a couple weeks

later, Nada is back home & I write her a lengthy letter laying down the

gauntlet. I tell her she's absolutely got to get herself to a mental health

professional & that if she doesn't try to get help, I must severely limit all

contact with her. Since that time, it's been nothing but games. We've exchanged

letters, emails, books. I've sent her books on BPD & she sent me a book on how

diet can cause autism & said that must be my problem. To this day, she's not

sought after any help. I've decided that I must just not respond to her emails &

letters anymore. I'd already told her I was going to limit my contact with her

in October if she didn't

seek help. Since she doesn't believe that she needs any help, then I've decided

that I will send her flowers for her bday & christmas & leave it at that. Well

nada has now enlisted the help of my sick, ailing grandma to " spy " on me.

Grandma called my hubby's cell phone the other day, twice. She called the home

phone but didn't leave a message. She did NOT call my cell phone. So hubby

answers his phone & she said she was just checking to make sure we're alive.

Now, my gran & I have never, ever had a close relationship. She has never, ever,

in my 38 years of life, ever deigned to call me. I know that my mom put her up

to it & I'm livid. Nada doesn't try to call me because she knows damn well that

I don't want to speak to her. But she has to have some attention, any attention,

& if she has to send her messages to me through her Grandma, she's going to do

it. I'm so pissed.

So I live nearby to a prestigious university with a noted mental health program.

Wanting all the help I could get to deal with my mom & my own anger/anxieties, I

made an appointment to meet with a psychiatrist there. And do you know what

happened? I had one long, 2 hour session where I poured my heart out to 2

psychiatrists & an intern & in the end all they said was that I have low grade

depression, take this little pill & we'll see you back in a couple months! I had

really wanted, nee expected, that I would get ongoing, weekly talk therapy. It's

what I wanted, what I desperately needed. But they said that I had a healthy

attitude and was dealing with my nada situation the best that anybody could

expect & then I was dismissed. I felt so baffled & frustrated. So much for the

mental health system...guess I'm on my own.

Ever since the realization a year ago that my mom was BPD, I've been reexamining

my life's memories in this new context. I've lost count of the number of times

somethine suddenly clicked & my stomach turned over. I realize how manipulated

I've been by her. For instance, she's run all my relationships with my other

relatives straight into the ditch. Not a one of them communicates with me. She

laid the groundwork for this the day I was born, bad mouthing all my relatives,

not allowing them to visit me, discouraging me from visiting them. So now I've

got oodles of relatives who are absolute strangers to me.

Anyway, I could ramble on & on about all the injustices she's inflicted on me,

that she continues to try to inflict from 2000 miles away. But I'll stop now.

Thanks for listening.

Angel

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Hi Angel,

My mother did the same thing with my relatives, at

least some of them. I was told that they were

horrible people and I would not want to meet them.

Later, my mother thawed (and they were still willing

to tolerate her) and I'm glad that I have had the

opportunity to get to know them. However, her lies

were terribly poisonous for a long time. She even

told me that my grandmother had died of breast cancer

(lie) because she couldn't afford treatment (in a

country with socialized medicine) since she had given

the money to my aunt to get a breast augmentation (my

aunt is very flat). As one of my cousins pointed out,

my mother was clearly not banking on me ever meeting

this aunt. It has been very fortunate for me to get

to know this side of the family. After spending time

with the same aunt, I began to realize just how much

lying my mother had done all of her life. I think it

was at that time that I realized her behavior was not

just a bit kooky, but a serious problem.

I've noticed in our family that the cousins tend to

bond quickly and easily, probably because we have

observed two generations of dysfunction between our

parents and our grandparents. I hope that your

current frustration can be alleviated and that things

start going better for you soon.

is

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is -- that's so nice that this generation, your cousins, aren't

plagued by the same need to tear town their relatives.

Your post made me have an " aha " moment -- my mother badmouthed

everybody -- family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, etc. Even

the ones she liked, (with a handful of exceptions) eventually she'd

find something wrong and withdraw.

It makes sense, then, that I've kept to myself most of my life.

Sure, that's probably how I was wired biologically, but the message

my mother continually role modeled to me was " There's something

wrong with everyone -- people will eventually piss you off. "

I can see where that way of life would produce kids (my brother is

like this, too!) that aren't anxious to go out and be terribly

social.

Probably not scientific, but I STILL struggle with being timid and

anxious about going out into the world and moving in too many social

circles.

-Kyla

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Hi is,

I'm glad you've been able to establish some relationships with relatives after

all the brainwashing your nada put you through. My estrangement from my

relatives isn't only the result of my crazy mother, my dad had a big hand in it

too. As I child, I didn't realize that everyone was supposed to have TWO sets of

grandparents, I had just the one (my nada's). Then when I was about 9 years old,

my dad just casually mentioned that he was taking me to his mom's house, who

lived only a 1/2 hour from us! So while I developed a great relationship with

this new grandma who came from the old country (Italy), I still didn't realize

that I was supposed to have more relatives on my dad's side. Then when I was an

adolescent, my dad casually mentioned that I had SIX older 1/2 brothers &

sisters living nearby. Also around this time, he started taking me over to

aunts, uncles, cousins homes. Oh & he also casually mentioned that my last name

was going to change. He had

changed his sometime before meeting my mom, something to do with the

Italian-American organization he had been in & was now hiding out from. I got to

meet my brothers & sisters when I was about 12. Most of them wouldn't speak to

me, they wanted nothing to do with me. After all, I had their father, though

what they didn't know was that he was no prize!

I don't know if my dad was BPD or simply a sociopath. It's hard to say since

he's been dead quite a long time. But I do know that my early life was pure,

utter chaos.

Angel

Re:So Frustrated & Angry

Hi Angel,

My mother did the same thing with my relatives, at

least some of them. I was told that they were

horrible people and I would not want to meet them.

Later, my mother thawed (and they were still willing

to tolerate her) and I'm glad that I have had the

opportunity to get to know them. However, her lies

were terribly poisonous for a long time. She even

told me that my grandmother had died of breast cancer

(lie) because she couldn't afford treatment (in a

country with socialized medicine) since she had given

the money to my aunt to get a breast augmentation (my

aunt is very flat). As one of my cousins pointed out,

my mother was clearly not banking on me ever meeting

this aunt. It has been very fortunate for me to get

to know this side of the family. After spending time

with the same aunt, I began to realize just how much

lying my mother had done all of her life. I think it

was at that time that I realized her behavior was not

just a bit kooky, but a serious problem.

I've noticed in our family that the cousins tend to

bond quickly and easily, probably because we have

observed two generations of dysfunction between our

parents and our grandparents. I hope that your

current frustration can be alleviated and that things

start going better for you soon.

is

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Looking for last minute shopping deals?

Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. http://tools. search.yahoo. com/newsearch/

category. php?category= shopping

________________________________________________________________________________\

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