Re: Depression and Anger, normal?

[Guest guest]

Dear c_mh13,

Yes, definitely -- when I first realized the extent of the abuse I had endured,

I was furious and sad and numb -- in revolving cycles! It was an emotional

roller coaster. I realized I had been trained to feel that I was the wrong one

and I had believed it! that's the part that really made me furious. I think I

was mostly angry at myself for believing it. As I've detached, the emotions

are back in balance and I'm feeling more alive than I can ever remember. It's

wonderful to do this healing -- scary at first, but definitely worth it. Keep

it up!

AZClown

Depression and Anger, normal?

i found out about BPD about a month ago, and ive already made a lot of

progress with the books im reading and this forum. but lately i have

been having dramatic mood swings. sometimes i have bad depression that

i cant control (i even started randomly crying in a public place).

other times within a second's time and with no warning i will just feel

so angry. like this anger will just come out of nowhere and i really

feel it come from inside me. and other times i will be completely fine

and normal. and i never know when i will feel like that. normally i can

control my moods pretty well, if im sad i can snap out of it, if im

angry i can calm myself down.

im going to get professional help for this obviously, but besides that

im just wondering if these mood swings could be from finding out about

BPD and remembering all the things that happened to me or realizing

that some of the things that went on with my childhood were really bad.

i guess what im asking is could the mood swings be from dealing with

all this and bringing everything out from my subconcious? did anyone

else experience this when they first learned about the disorder?

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

I also experienced sadness, anger, rage, and depression when I started to

discover my mother's BPD and father's narcissism. This lead to all sorts of

unexperienced pain that I had buried inside me all those years. It is healing

getting this out of your system. I am a diabetic and when all this came out and

I separated from them for a month my blood sugar was normal (I am type 1 insulin

dependent). Now that I have low contact with them my blood sugar has raised a

little but I am still in much better control. I also feel so much better and am

for the first time letting myself off the hook, enjoying life, and trying to

relax and have fun with my boys and husband. This whole process started at the

highest point of anger in Oct. 2007. There is hope. Keep pushing through it and

allow yourself to experience the pain. Embrace the emotions when they come

instead of trying to stop or hide them. That is what helped me the most. I'd

find myself wanting to cry and then holding back my tears. When I finally

allowed my body to grieve and accepted my emotions as healing I started to heal.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: c_mh13@...: Thu, 10 Jan

2008 02:12:26 +0000Subject: Depression and Anger, normal?

i found out about BPD about a month ago, and ive already made a lot of progress

with the books im reading and this forum. but lately i have been having dramatic

mood swings. sometimes i have bad depression that i cant control (i even started

randomly crying in a public place). other times within a second's time and with

no warning i will just feel so angry. like this anger will just come out of

nowhere and i really feel it come from inside me. and other times i will be

completely fine and normal. and i never know when i will feel like that.

normally i can control my moods pretty well, if im sad i can snap out of it, if

im angry i can calm myself down.im going to get professional help for this

obviously, but besides that im just wondering if these mood swings could be from

finding out about BPD and remembering all the things that happened to me or

realizing that some of the things that went on with my childhood were really

bad. i guess what im asking is could the mood swings be from dealing with all

this and bringing everything out from my subconcious? did anyone else experience

this when they first learned about the disorder?

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Yes, very true -- and I keep seeing how diabetes can be brought on

by stress. A friend of mine's 16 year old daughter has a

Narcissistic Father and she just lapsed into Diabetes.

The " unexperienced pain " is a great description of what's going on

with us -- and explains why it is so close to the surface, ready to

erupt when they revert back to the old behaviors. To them, however,

it must look like WE have undergone some sort of crazy change.

>

>

> I also experienced sadness, anger, rage, and depression when I

started to discover my mother's BPD and father's narcissism. This

lead to all sorts of unexperienced pain that I had buried inside me

all those years. It is healing getting this out of your system. I am

a diabetic and when all this came out and I separated from them for

a month my blood sugar was normal (I am type 1 insulin dependent).

Now that I have low contact with them my blood sugar has raised a

little but I am still in much better control. I also feel so much

better and am for the first time letting myself off the hook,

enjoying life, and trying to relax and have fun with my boys and

husband. This whole process started at the highest point of anger in

Oct. 2007. There is hope. Keep pushing through it and allow yourself

to experience the pain. Embrace the emotions when they come instead

of trying to stop or hide them. That is what helped me the most. I'd

find myself wanting to cry and then holding back my tears. When I

finally allowed my body to grieve and accepted my emotions as

healing I started to heal.

>

> Kelley

>