Re: Lasagne Therapy

January 24, 2008

OMG, do they ever. You would have thought that we were royalty with

all the rules and manners.

Khris

>

> I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne therapy.

>

> I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or how

> others eat (table etiquette)?

>

January 24, 2008

In my household growing up, meals were a free-for-all. We didn't dine together

at the table. We ate whenever we wanted, what we wanted. I distinctly recall

being 13 years old & frequently having Cheetos, Pepsi & ice cream for dinner.

Watching my mom eat was/is a painful experience. She always acts really

miserable & ashamed when she's eating. She hides behind her long hair & takes

really big bites so she can finish quicker. She avoids all eye contact. If she

talks while eating, pieces of food spill out & you get a full view of the

contents of her mouth. When she was visiting last Oct., my husband watched in

amazement as my nada stood over the kitchen sink with an uncooked corn tortilla

& devoured it like a rodent. That was her supper that evening.

Angel

Re: Lasagne Therapy

OMG, do they ever. You would have thought that we were royalty with

all the rules and manners.

Khris

>

> I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne therapy.

>

> I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or how

> others eat (table etiquette)?

>

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January 24, 2008

Oh my goodness yes!!!! Nada hates it when other people chew with

their mouths open. And she will tell you this with her own mouth full

of food! Becareful - cause some of it does spit out and it might hit

you! Such a lady my nada is!

Sylvia

>

> I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne therapy.

>

> I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or how

> others eat (table etiquette)?

>

January 24, 2008

Hi Khris,

Ha. My mother told me growing up that if my table

manners were perfect by the time I was 12, she would

take me to France. And I have witnesses!

The summer that I was 12, she went to Europe with her

boyfriend du jour. They should have taken me. My

French was better. I got to go to camp all summer

because my father was too busy to look after me (his

job was very busy in the summer).

If I remember correctly, my mother did bother to send

me a postcard once during her voyage.

is

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January 24, 2008

How awful. What a lonely feeling that must have been -- and just to

pour salt into the wound, she takes her latest boyfriend. I wonder if

it ever tinged her conscience as she packed for that trip -- one that

she had promised you? What a cruel thing to do.

Have you read that book " Blackbird " by Lauck? I've read

that, and the follow up book " Still Waters " . She had it so rough, due

to a continual succession of selfish people and the untimely death of

her mother. I couldn't put it down.

Your post reminded me of one thing in particular -- when she was stuck

in camp because everyone had their own stuff going on. I remember

feeling lonely for her.

-Kyla

January 24, 2008

But seriously. Is this food critiquing really specific to BPD? I mean,

do therapists and doctors talk amongst themselves about how BPD

patients do this? Or is this just some benign quirky phrase " lasagne

therapy " that a Non-BPD coined one day and it stuck??

I don't know why but I really find this fascinating.

> >

> > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne therapy.

> >

> > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or how

> > others eat (table etiquette)?

> >

>

January 25, 2008

Crazy about table manners? Wait! That's me!!

OMG...I'm a little nervous right now reading these posts thinking

perhaps an obsession about food manners is a BP trait because I've

been accused of this overt concern about the way people chew their

food, makes sounds while eating, eat too fast, make noises with

their silverware, etc. etc.

Gosh, I hope this little quirk of mine is just an isolated incident.

But, seriously, I will literally leave the table (politely) if

someone is making " food noises " . I freak out. It's like nails on a

chalk board.

As for my nada's eating habits, I'm surprised to read that other

BP's have so many problems with food. My nada is the same way. The

corn tortilla incident reminds me of how my mom would " stab " her

food with her fork and shove it in her mouth--the noise was awful;

so angry and violent. To date, my mother hates food and in the last

25 years, she has limited her food intake to three things: Pepsi,

cottage cheese and precooked sliced ham. That's it! Can you believe

that?!

Kannie

> >

> > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne

therapy.

> >

> > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or

how

> > others eat (table etiquette)?

> >

>

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>

January 25, 2008

This was exactly my experience too! When I was younger, my father

(who made all the meals) did haev us eat properly and regularly, but

I think at some point he just gave up and things turned into a free

for all - different foods, different times, it was just whatever you

could grab from the cupboard. My mother is overweight and has a

terrible diet, and my siblings complain to me about watching her

eat. She shoves in food just as you describe.

S>

>

> > >

> > > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne

> therapy.

> > >

> > > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way

or

> how

> > > others eat (table etiquette)?

> > >

> >

>

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> _______________

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> >

January 25, 2008

I think there are as many things for a BPD to fixate on as there are

individual personalities. If they are the type to criticize others

to make themselves feel better (their children are frequent targets

because they can't fight back), then they might choose table

manners, food, your clothes, your style, your weight, how you drive,

how you file papers, how you make your bed, etc.

The possibilities are endless.

My brother and I both still remember a time when my mother, who

chews and/or talks with her mouth full of food, slapped my brother

and handed him a napkin while saying " Use a napkin you slob! "

Right in front of everyone else at the table.

She thinks she's some class act, points out how other people

are " trash " and yet, sits in her garage all day in tattered clothes,

smoking. When people used to come stay for the weekend, she

wouldn't bother to put food in the house -- to show hospitality.

There was nothing.

Some class act.

> > >

> > > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne

therapy.

> > >

> > > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way

or how

> > > others eat (table etiquette)?

> > >

> >

>

January 25, 2008

Mine, too! Especially if she's had a couple of beers.

Also, she tries to eat earlier than everyone else at family

gatherings -- always creates drama around herself, breathlessly

exclaiming how starved she is.

So, if she gets her plate, she harps on how starved she is as she

hunches over her plate and doesn't wait for everyone else to be

seated or the food to be blessed.

Even during just an ordinary night's dinner with mother, I've asked

my kids to wait for the blessing -- as a veiled message to my mother

who is scarfing down her food before the kids or my husband have

been served.

I remember as a kid, my dad would just leave the table after eating

his food -- while the rest of us were eating. Gee, thanks for

sitting with us, Dad. When my brother got older, he started doing

it, too.

-Kyla

January 25, 2008

rply:

I think you have misread them meaning of Lasagna Therapy.

Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped

over the head of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so

much so one won't eat with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the

lap is an adjunct part of this therapy. Currently under double-blind

test trials at several prestigious universities. <wink>

This is more along the lines of a fantacized revenge for a non-BP.

To humiliate the one who is constantly humiliating you.

I don't think that extreme table manners is a BP trait, per se. It's

just the premise that BP's are extreme in their behaviours and make

their children crazy with very rigid and/or excessive rules or, in

the alternative, are extremely lax with discipline and boundaries, or

they swing wildly between the two extremes so as to leave a child

never knowing just what the rule is or will be at any given time.

Inconsistancy.

My Nada had very stringent and excessive rules for a lot of things

and was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive when enforcing

her rules. However, she frequently changed the rules without giving

me the memo about the rules changing. So, I got punished for not

following the new rule that I didn't know had been made because I was

busy trying to follow the old rule. I was the all-bad child, so

generally, Nada's rules served to prove that I was all bad because I

kept defying her rules. It's a very vicious cycle.

I also think my Nada probably has a touch of Obsessive Compulsive

Disorder...just a touch! LOL.

Khris

> > >

> > > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne

therapy.

> > >

> > > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or

how

> > > others eat (table etiquette)?

> > >

> >

>

January 25, 2008

Hi Kannie,

You just reminded me that my mother used to go through

'food phases' as well, where she would eat the same

thing over and over. She once was convinced that

there was such a thing as a popcorn diet and that

somehow eating a bag of microwave popcorn was a

suitable meal replacement (she also claimed that

Madonna used the popcorn diet). Another phase that I

remember was oatmeal, which I think was also her

trying to claim that she was too broke to buy anything

else.

is

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January 25, 2008

Hi Kyla,

Oh man, I practically lived at camp in the summer. It

would be two weeks of Girl Scout camp, two weeks of

YMCA camp, music camp, and two weeks of a camp at the

local university (when I was younger) then sailing

camp (when I was older). I even remember

strategically planning my camps one year to assure

maximum time on the water for sailing. Sailing camp

and the university one were day camps, so I was at

home the rest of the time. The others were away

camps. I started going to camp when I was six (just

two weeks that time), then it just increased year to

year.

My parents also just left me on my own a lot of the

rest of the time because they had too much going on.

During the school year, I would be signed up for

activities pretty much every day (even weekends).

There were definitely times when no one picked me up

and I had to get my own way home. It is still beyond

me why I was not given contact numbers for someone

(like a family friend or my grandparents, who lived in

the same city) in case that happened. I saw an old

calendar when I was home for Christmas and just got

tired looking at it. I'm an only child and yes it was

lonely. My father was a workaholic. My mother,

obviously, just sucked.

is

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January 25, 2008

is,

My mother was a popcorn fanatic also. One of my favorite Nada

popcorn stories (and I have to make what would be a very long story

short) is that my father's mother had to drive from North Carolina to

pick my mother up in Paducka, Kentucky when my mother was 9 months

pregnant with me and her son (my biological father had been arrested

and was in jail). When my grandmother got to the motel where they

were living she said that she walked into the room and my mother was

lying on the bed with a huge bowl of popcorn on her belly munching

away like it was just another day. This was their first meeting and

my grandmother's first impression of my mother. Being 9 months

pregnant, living in a motel in Kentucky and having her boyfriend and

father of her child in jail and she's munching on popcorn without a

care in the world. Bizarre.

Last I saw her, which has been years ago, she had turned into Susie

Homemaker and she would make one huge meal that she and her HB ate

until it was gone. She'd make 20 pounds of taco meat and slice all

the stuff up and store it in zip lock bags in the fridge. That's all

they'd eat, or expect anyone else visiting to eat, for like a week.

That's not just bizarre, that's crazy.

Khris

>

> Hi Kannie,

>

> You just reminded me that my mother used to go through

> 'food phases' as well, where she would eat the same

> thing over and over. She once was convinced that

> there was such a thing as a popcorn diet and that

> somehow eating a bag of microwave popcorn was a

> suitable meal replacement (she also claimed that

> Madonna used the popcorn diet). Another phase that I

> remember was oatmeal, which I think was also her

> trying to claim that she was too broke to buy anything

> else.

>

> is

>

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>

January 25, 2008

Makes me wonder why some people have children at all. It reminds me

of that book " The Hurried Child " -- which I haven't read, but it might

cover this. I personally know one mom who can't stand NOT to schedule

her day with her kids -- and the way she interacts with them, I can

see why.

Being a parent myself, I can agree that long spans of time with kids

who have nothing to do is a daunting prospect -- but we make it

through. We have lazy days (lots of them!), busy days -- I take them

here and there.....They are on swim team, 2-week away camp, one day

camp -- and maybe a family trip thrown in there.

Sorry you were treated like that. In your honor, I'm going to monitor

my " scheduling " this summer......

{hugs}

-Kyla

January 25, 2008

o gawd, my nada had the most horrible table manners. shovelingg food

in her mouth chewing while open and talking at the same time,

spitting things out. SHe would do all this while criticizing me for

minute things like a drop of gravy dribbling out of corner of my own

mouth or the way the fork slid over my teeth. She'd also cook these

inch thick patties of hamburger raw in the inside and burnt to a

crisp outside make this burger and shove it all in her mouth like as

much as she could cram in. She'd finsh the burger in three

bites/mouthfulls. Her table manners were no different in public. I

was embarrassed to be seen with her. I especially hated when she ate

toast. for some reason. shed shovel a mouthfull chew and then talk

while spitting peices out. eyuch!!!

Tina

> >

> > I just reviewed the acronym/word list and noticed lasagne therapy.

> >

> > I find this intersting. Are BPD's known to criticize the way or

how

> > others eat (table etiquette)?

> >

>

January 25, 2008

Just had to jump in here with regards to the " burnt on the

outside/raw on the inside " hamburgers. My mom burnt EVERYTHING.

Her method of cooking was throw it in the oven/frying pan, set

oven/cooktop to HIGH (I swear the only oven settings she was aware

of were high and off), then watch the evening news for a half hour.

She wouldn't even check the food during that time. When the news

was over, she'd go in the kitchen and either deem it done but curse

the stove for burning it, or declare it undone and ignore it for

another half hour, after which she'd deem it done and curse the

stove for burning it, or blame the frying pan, or tell me or whoever

was within earshot that the makers of the food product were

stupid/incompetent. Then she'd distribute it to the family to eat.

I made the mistake of complaining it was burnt once, earning the (in

retrospect, predictable) tears followed by dad telling me that I

should be grateful I had food to eat at all, " now go apologize to

your mother. " I remember begging her when I was young " Please check

the food, I think it's burning " and I was summarily ignored, or told

to be quiet so she could listen to the news.

>

> o gawd, my nada had the most horrible table manners. shovelingg

food

> in her mouth chewing while open and talking at the same time,

> spitting things out. SHe would do all this while criticizing me

for

> minute things like a drop of gravy dribbling out of corner of my

own

> mouth or the way the fork slid over my teeth. She'd also cook

these

> inch thick patties of hamburger raw in the inside and burnt to a

> crisp outside make this burger and shove it all in her mouth like

as

> much as she could cram in. She'd finsh the burger in three

> bites/mouthfulls. Her table manners were no different in public. I

> was embarrassed to be seen with her. I especially hated when she

ate

> toast. for some reason. shed shovel a mouthfull chew and then talk

> while spitting peices out. eyuch!!!

>

> Tina

January 25, 2008

HAHAHA ! My nada cooked the same way only two burner settings high

and off. Her eggs were horrible. But the worst thing to eat was fried

chicken. It would be raw next to the bone with blood squeezing out.

but burnt on the outside and greasy as ever. Oh only two spices:

salt and pepper. Lots of pepper. she also served very lumpy gravy and

instant allways instant mashed potatoes. I gag every time i had to

eat them. and this toast. shed put four squares of margarine on a

slice of bread and stick in in the toaster oven. Voila a peice of

burnt bread with four greasy yellow spots. and cheese she would never

ever buy cheddar cheese allways cheap velveeta brand cheese and ONLY

velveeta cheese. I still gag every time i see Velveeta.

and if i dared remark or complain dad would do the same thing to me.

you should be gratefull she is fixing you meals. Gag! I didnt eat

much as a child and never seconds. Left the table soon as i could. I

was rather skinny and undernourished as a child.

Tina

> >

> > o gawd, my nada had the most horrible table manners. shovelingg

> food

> > in her mouth chewing while open and talking at the same time,

> > spitting things out. SHe would do all this while criticizing me

> for

> > minute things like a drop of gravy dribbling out of corner of my

> own

> > mouth or the way the fork slid over my teeth. She'd also cook

> these

> > inch thick patties of hamburger raw in the inside and burnt to a

> > crisp outside make this burger and shove it all in her mouth like

> as

> > much as she could cram in. She'd finsh the burger in three

> > bites/mouthfulls. Her table manners were no different in public.

I

> > was embarrassed to be seen with her. I especially hated when she

> ate

> > toast. for some reason. shed shovel a mouthfull chew and then

talk

> > while spitting peices out. eyuch!!!

> >

> > Tina

>

January 25, 2008

I don't remember my Nada cooking very often. That was my job, but her Nada, my

grandmother (who might be BPD, she also had a aneurism for years, so who knows)

was just awful! I swear, the only thing I ever saw her eat was burnt toast. The

stuff was completely black and hard as cement. After she passed, we found over

two dozen laxative products hidden in her linen closet, so we think she may have

been anorexic and the burnt toast was a part of that. She was a tiny little

woman.

It started years and years before though, when my Nada was a little girl.

Grandnada wasn't allowed to cook anymore! I think it might relate to a BPDs

waifish tendencies. You know how sometimes a person will do a job really badly

so no one will ask them to do it again? Maybe they think if they show that they

can't do it, they won't have to anymore. Just a thought.

Jae