a revelation

[Guest guest]

I have been LC / NC for almost a year. I chose to meet with Nada yesterday for

a short meeting over lunch, she has not seen me or my daughter (2) in a long

time and we have emailed maybe three times in the last year for factual things

not just chit chat. She lives in the same city so this has been a huge

accomplishment for me.

Yesterday was the first time in my life that I looked at my Nada through a

strangers eyes. I saw what everyone else must see and she actually looks as

unstable as she is. She was wearing a bright red fake suede coat with huge

amounts of fake fur all over it. Her hair had a horrible dye job that didn't

suit her and looked so out of place. Please understand that I am not being

overly critical, I really was shocked at how she put herself together. She has

always been like this but I was always too close to see it. She came in carry

bag loads of stuff she bought for us (shopping is her issue which leaves her

destitute). The bags were loaded with sale items discounted to next to nothing

so needless to say all the clothes for my daughter we odd colors and strange

outfits. She bought me a 40.00 cake pan when I don't bake and she knows this.

Everything in the bags was stuff she liked and had nothing to do with our likes

and dislikes. Just everything

about the visit was so surreal. All the gifts were brought home and promptly

put on freecycle because I am sure someone out there can use some of this stuff.

Usually after any contact I am stressed, anxious and irritable. I tend to

revisit the situation with my husband telling him all the stuff she did and

said. This time was different. I really didn't take anything to heart nor did

I care. I got home feeling no different then any other day.

I was just so proud to realize that I have made it to a point where I have been

able to separate myself from her. My revelation was that I was always seeing

myself as her daughter an extension of her and responsible for her in some way.

Now I see myself as my own person and nada as her own person. She is going to

do whatever she wants to and I can take it or leave it as I please. It is like

I now see her as a crazy neighbour and treat her as such. I plan on continuing

to live my life with little to n/c. Finally she can't hurt me anymore...

It has taken me 10 years to get here.

Steph

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[Guest guest]

Steph, congratulations! I think you handled yourself amazingly in

your lunch yesterday. Thank you for sharing your experience. It

definitely sounds like you have successfully detatched from the

relationship. It's so liberating to know that you can't change anyone

else, only yourself and your recations, and accept that. Good for you!

P.S. If it gets difficult, remember that you are protecting yourself

and your family. You have the right mindset and I know you can do

this.

>

> I have been LC / NC for almost a year. I chose to meet with Nada

yesterday for a short meeting over lunch, she has not seen me or my

daughter (2) in a long time and we have emailed maybe three times in

the last year for factual things not just chit chat. She lives in

the same city so this has been a huge accomplishment for me.

>

> Yesterday was the first time in my life that I looked at my Nada

through a strangers eyes. I saw what everyone else must see and she

actually looks as unstable as she is. She was wearing a bright red

fake suede coat with huge amounts of fake fur all over it. Her hair

had a horrible dye job that didn't suit her and looked so out of

place. Please understand that I am not being overly critical, I

really was shocked at how she put herself together. She has always

been like this but I was always too close to see it. She came in

carry bag loads of stuff she bought for us (shopping is her issue

which leaves her destitute). The bags were loaded with sale items

discounted to next to nothing so needless to say all the clothes for

my daughter we odd colors and strange outfits. She bought me a 40.00

cake pan when I don't bake and she knows this. Everything in the

bags was stuff she liked and had nothing to do with our likes and

dislikes. Just everything

> about the visit was so surreal. All the gifts were brought home

and promptly put on freecycle because I am sure someone out there can

use some of this stuff.

>

> Usually after any contact I am stressed, anxious and irritable. I

tend to revisit the situation with my husband telling him all the

stuff she did and said. This time was different. I really didn't

take anything to heart nor did I care. I got home feeling no

different then any other day.

>

> I was just so proud to realize that I have made it to a point where

I have been able to separate myself from her. My revelation was that

I was always seeing myself as her daughter an extension of her and

responsible for her in some way. Now I see myself as my own person

and nada as her own person. She is going to do whatever she wants to

and I can take it or leave it as I please. It is like I now see her

as a crazy neighbour and treat her as such. I plan on continuing to

live my life with little to n/c. Finally she can't hurt me anymore...

> It has taken me 10 years to get here.

>

> Steph

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

That is so awesome. Good for you!!! Thank you for sharing that.

My goal is to be able to " see " my nada like that and not be so

affected. Mine sounds so similar. She would look really " crazy " to

outsiders - very thin and odd clothing, bags overflowing. She's

always shopping and sending packages to my daughter. Just today she

got some boots that are too small. And two almost identical jogging

outfits she doesn't need. I hate having to load this stuff up and

take it somewhere.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , Steph wrote:

>

> I have been LC / NC for almost a year. I chose to meet with Nada

yesterday for a short meeting over lunch, she has not seen me or my

daughter (2) in a long time and we have emailed maybe three times in

the last year for factual things not just chit chat. She lives in

the same city so this has been a huge accomplishment for me.

>

> Yesterday was the first time in my life that I looked at my Nada

through a strangers eyes. I saw what everyone else must see and she

actually looks as unstable as she is. She was wearing a bright red

fake suede coat with huge amounts of fake fur all over it. Her hair

had a horrible dye job that didn't suit her and looked so out of

place. Please understand that I am not being overly critical, I

really was shocked at how she put herself together. She has always

been like this but I was always too close to see it. She came in

carry bag loads of stuff she bought for us (shopping is her issue

which leaves her destitute). The bags were loaded with sale items

discounted to next to nothing so needless to say all the clothes for

my daughter we odd colors and strange outfits. She bought me a

40.00 cake pan when I don't bake and she knows this. Everything in

the bags was stuff she liked and had nothing to do with our likes

and dislikes. Just everything

> about the visit was so surreal. All the gifts were brought home

and promptly put on freecycle because I am sure someone out there

can use some of this stuff.

>

> Usually after any contact I am stressed, anxious and irritable. I

tend to revisit the situation with my husband telling him all the

stuff she did and said. This time was different. I really didn't

take anything to heart nor did I care. I got home feeling no

different then any other day.

>

> I was just so proud to realize that I have made it to a point

where I have been able to separate myself from her. My revelation

was that I was always seeing myself as her daughter an extension of

her and responsible for her in some way. Now I see myself as my own

person and nada as her own person. She is going to do whatever she

wants to and I can take it or leave it as I please. It is like I

now see her as a crazy neighbour and treat her as such. I plan on

continuing to live my life with little to n/c. Finally she can't

hurt me anymore...

> It has taken me 10 years to get here.

>

> Steph

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>

>

>