Boundaries

[Guest guest]

A big revelation when I started to learn about BPD, was the concept of

healthy boundaries. I did NOT have healthy boundaries with my

nada/fada, nor with many others. It really shocked me. Applying this

lesson has been ongoing and trying to find a middle ground has not

been easy.

I've become hyper-sensitized to boundaries and perhaps guilty of

over-defending myself. Each time I come across a lapsed boundary from

my past I overreact. (There are just sooo many disrespectful behaviors

that I should not have accepted from others. It's disorienting to

notice them... and it's not easy trying to make up for lost time.)

This has been made all the harder by everyone's memory of me as a

pushover... it's extremely difficult to undo a first impression.

Here's one recent example: For 25 years now, my mother-in-law has

refused to accept that I kept my maiden name. When she sends me mail

it's always addressed with my husband's last name. For my birthday

this year, she sent me a check made out to me, but again, with her

family name. Whenever she does this it feels like a gift with a mixed

message. I've put up with her petty zings for years — this time the

bank won't accept it & neither will I. It's a little thing, but just

one more example of not setting a boundary. I don't want " gifts " that

come with a pointed, angry message. I know she has never accepted my

decision & she thinks it's OK to disrespect me.