advice needed:kids visit w/ their fada

[Guest guest]

My exbpd husband and I have three children together. He gets to take the

kids whenever he has the chance on the weekend. Since we live only ten

minutes apart when the kids need homework help and I'm not available to help

he will take them and help.

His help is great. However, as in with everything, it comes with a price.

I recently found out he was questioning our oldest son about me again. He

wants to know what and where I went during the winter school break. If I

traveled and what we did for fun. He also ask who visited my home. He is

assuming I have found someone else and wants to keep updated about my every

move.

This morning when I was brushing my daughter's hair (7 yr) she asked if it's

ok to tell her dad that my oldest daughter and grandson are living with us

now. I told her it was ok. Then she says, " Good, because dad asked if there

was anyone coming to the house and I told him about my sister " . She also

went on saying that he bribes her with twix to get information about what I

do and that she doesn't like the questioning. Although I am not doing

anything he is hounding the kids about me. I stopped him from bothering me

but now he is getting to the kids.

Right before the holidays I found him in my van looking through my cell,

purse and van. When I caught him I yelled at him, telling him how there is

nothing of mine that concerns him, he turns it around and gets mad at me,

saying how I must be up to something or hiding something because I don't

want him going through my things. What a joke. That started a big argument

of me trying to prove my innocence to nothing. I walked away saying I didn't

have to prove anything. I haven't spoken to him since then. Since then all

the questioning has gone towards the kids.

Today I told him we need to talk without the kids present because the last

time we ended up arguing in front of the kids. He has no qualm with saying

horrible things in front of the kids while he is arguing with me. My

reaction to the fights isn't any better. I learn all I can do is walk away.

There is no talking to him when he is angry for being caught. When he is in

his good mood he is wonderful but he turns bad he is awful.

When we first married he would tell me how his ex-wives would use the kids

as pawns. I always felt really bad for him thinking they were mean for not

allowing him to see his daughters when he wanted to see them. Now understand

that the one using the kids as pawns was him.

I don't know what to say when I speak to him. I want him not to question the

kids and to respect my space. Should I just tell him all that is going on

with me so he can leave the kids alone?

He gives me support for the kids but he feels if I speak with anyone that

I'm using him. He doesn't see what he does as support. He sees it as helping

ME.

fina