Recommending Therapy to BPD, but about incest NOT BPD

January 20, 2008

OK -- here's a doozy of a question. My mother and her sister were raped by their

father continually when they were kids. Long-term incest. I know about it

(obviously) and she knows I know, though we have never talked about it a lot. I

have been lc to nc with my nada for about 12 or so years and like it that way.

Currently we are lc by email every three or four months. I do not ever plan on

having more than that kind of relationship because I don't trust her ability to

have a decent relationship with anyone.

However, I do have a lot of empathy for her and her situation (the incest)...

i know growing up in a sexually abusive situation can be one of the predisposing

factors leading to borderline and my question is about that.

Anyway, my question. My partner and I were talking today about EMDR. It is

becoming one of THE treatments recommended for PTSD. And is very good for adults

who underwent traumas in their childhood (both large and small ones). Obviously,

my nada's trauma was severe; she has never dealt with it at all. I would like to

recommend that she try EMDR therapy to deal with the incest. Not for purposes or

our relationship or for her BPD, but strictly for her to work through some of

that. The dilemma, of course, is how to do that with a BPD. She is so overly

sensitive in that BPD way, so even though she knows I know about it, just

alluding to the idea that she may need to " work through " something may be

something she interprets as an attack. I am not so concerned about her

interpretation per se, as I am over worrying about that since those are her

concern, BUT i don't want to create some kind of drama that spills over into my

nice sanctuary of lc-ness.

I don't plan to talk to her about it on the phone as I don't want to take the

relationship beyond light emails. So i thought about writing a letter. This is

about having an idea for something that could help her if she were willing and

wanting to share information, but given all the entanglements of the BPD mother

and the BPD personality, is it just setting myself up for some tumultuous back

lash (include blabby mouth and family gossip and all that other spillover)? So I

care enough to suggest this, but I don't want her back in my life in any real

way.

What to do? I feel like NOT suggesting it is akin to seeing an injured dog on

the street and walking by, but at the same time I am not a stranger and these

days I am finally about taking care of myself. A letter?

Or what about info sent anonymously? But how do you do THAT with something

like 10 years of being raped by your father?

Thanks for any advice ...

Crockett

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