Guest guest Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 that is so, so, so true. It fascinates me, this dynamic, that helps the bpd 'win' in so many situations: bpd has one version of story, the victim another. bpd lies and victim has an emotional reaction, because victim has actual emotions. un-involved party observes interaction, sees victim getting emotional because they are being lied to or about, all the while the bpd remains calm. Because culture to some degree regards display of emotion as bad, observer assumes that the bpd is the sane person and the person who is angry/hurt because they have just been lied to/about, is the 'crazy' one, because they are 'emotional' in contrast to the bpd who is only able to stay calm because they lack a conscience. Sigh...I've seen this play out many times but never really understood it til now. That is why the bpd puts on one face in public, to keep up their rep. Normal people allow themselves to display appropriate emotion because they don't care so much about a 'rep' because they know that the people that truly love them will understand. I guess the bpd doesn't feel or isn't capable of feeling that anyone truly loves them, due to perhaps major amounts of damage in childhood. So their whole life is about that facade and when it eventually becomes transparent they just move on to run a new con on some new people. Family are the only ones they are allowed to victimize without end, because of the bonds of familial 'love'. Unless we opt out...because they never will and they rarely if ever change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 Just yesterday I was telling my husband that I wish I had a tape recording of some of the last conversations with my mother. Those were the ones where she really pulled out all the stops and was textbook with the " games BPs play with nonBPs " . She was living with us at the time and my husband listened in and reassured me later that I did really hear what I heard. He saw how she changed the topic like crazy-- he said it was all very disjointed. Me, I was just a deer caught in the headlights because I have had so few of those conversations with my mother and couldn't believe what I was hearing. Thank God for the witness! Angel Dranbauer wrote: > > Not sure if any of you can relate to this, but I have gotten to a > point that > I feel like I need a witness to every conversation I have with nada. The > way she interrupts me, the nasty things she says, the way she twists 2 > words > into an entire dissertation of something i said that had nothing to do > with > what we are fighting about...it just gets crazier and crazier. > > -- > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 I've been out of the group for awhile, and just getting back. Just wanted to say that digital voice recorders are not that expensive and well worth what they cost. I have many/most of my and BPD's conversations over the last year and a half on record. This is for my own sanity. Just to prove to myself that yes really is saying one thing and then it's complete opposite when it suits her. Whatever is needed at the time during a conversation is what comes out of her mouth. The recorder let's me be a little further from the situation and listen to get all my questions answered. Was I mean or disrespectful? Did she really say that? What tone was used? For example: Last year she told me that she was taking me to court to get rights to my kids. She completely denies this now. I have it on the recorder for proof. This is just one small example. The problem is that she lies and manipulates without knowing that that's what she doing. She really believes her " lies and manipulations " . She will make truth where truth is needed. I also save all emails. Most of which are printed and filed, in case one day I would have the energy for it. Problem there is that she claims that people cut and paste where they don't. I suppose she will claim that I have someone that sounds like her on the recorder. Or that I so brilliantly manipulated it otherwise. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Thanks for letting me talk out loud Janesoul > > > > > > Not sure if any of you can relate to this, but I have gotten to a > > > point that > > > I feel like I need a witness to every conversation I have with nada. The > > > way she interrupts me, the nasty things she says, the way she twists 2 > > > words > > > into an entire dissertation of something i said that had nothing to do > > > with > > > what we are fighting about...it just gets crazier and crazier. > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Documentation and data are hard to argue with. Keep it up, if not for your own sanity then for the day when she will go too far and you can present her with the FACTS concerning her behavior. Amazing. Re: Can I have a witness? I've been out of the group for awhile, and just getting back. Just wanted to say that digital voice recorders are not that expensive and well worth what they cost. I have many/most of my and BPD's conversations over the last year and a half on record. This is for my own sanity. Just to prove to myself that yes really is saying one thing and then it's complete opposite when it suits her. Whatever is needed at the time during a conversation is what comes out of her mouth. The recorder let's me be a little further from the situation and listen to get all my questions answered. Was I mean or disrespectful? Did she really say that? What tone was used? For example: Last year she told me that she was taking me to court to get rights to my kids. She completely denies this now. I have it on the recorder for proof. This is just one small example. The problem is that she lies and manipulates without knowing that that's what she doing. She really believes her " lies and manipulations " . She will make truth where truth is needed. I also save all emails. Most of which are printed and filed, in case one day I would have the energy for it. Problem there is that she claims that people cut and paste where they don't. I suppose she will claim that I have someone that sounds like her on the recorder. Or that I so brilliantly manipulated it otherwise. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Thanks for letting me talk out loud Janesoul > > > > > > Not sure if any of you can relate to this, but I have gotten to a > > > point that > > > I feel like I need a witness to every conversation I have with nada. The > > > way she interrupts me, the nasty things she says, the way she twists 2 > > > words > > > into an entire dissertation of something i said that had nothing to do > > > with > > > what we are fighting about...it just gets crazier and crazier. > > > > > > -- > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > > Bunny > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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