Guest guest Posted January 17, 2008 Report Share Posted January 17, 2008 I say let it go. > > OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so bizarre, > but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which I'll > ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it. > A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a rebellious > 14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who she " raised. " > My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white ever > since, despite my sister and I being independent and successful, and > my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited > income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college > tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her > childcare, and god knows what else. > > Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was married to > my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat in > Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war but > can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did take > care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. as > well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as well as > us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the > biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only by her > regret at having children). They were both elementary school > teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, so he > had very little escape from her, and really was her personal slave. > Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and for > about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she had > to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after some > drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the > Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously embarassing > obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very long, > and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses like a > sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of all > of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a lot of > his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. etc. > Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was > alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF in > the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for many > years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). OK, > but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, she put > herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my daughter > (his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, who > she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her > children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren. > > My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of my > cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to be his > grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my > child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from China, and > during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's horrible > white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 y/o > daughter. > > Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for > someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also b/c > I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound mentaly > retarded. > > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the opportunity > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper several > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b-day, > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She always > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs it > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and also > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name lumped > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are all > some happy f-ing family. > > I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would only > result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my sister > called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use our > names should she call in another ad. They said that they could, but > they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO, > should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we just > let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is kind of > well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I think > enjoys the attention she gets from these ads. > > Only a BP could make something like an obituary an embarassment! > > Thanks for reading. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2008 Report Share Posted January 17, 2008 Two things... one I am gonna hazard a guess and say your nada lives in a small town... if this is correct then she gets to remind all the small town residents about her loss and will get comments from them around town. (I grew up in a small community and I read the paper from cover to cover when I am there visiting, easy enough to do since it only comes out once a week) When the expressions of sympathy and attention dry up so will her desire to put out this ad. ....two, give it up hon. I know you are uncomfortable about her doing this and adding your name, but use it as a way to get past your own discomfort at her actions. Unless you are prepared for a battle royal. If you can let this go you just removed one more power she had over you. Yay you!. I am steeling myself for the future inappropriate behavior by my nada when eventually my dad (her ex-husband) passes. I am sure that she will try to do all measure of embarrassing things. She already does things that i find appalling so why should a death make her behave any better? She has already done everything in her power to establish a " friendship " with my dad's wife. They work in the same field, home health care, and nada has gotten my stepmother hired on to many of the same jobs as her. She even tried to get her to go to the same church. One of the ladies at the bible study just kept doggedly asking just HOW my nada knew my stepmother since she had my dad's last name? Mom was trying to keep it mum about this being her ex's new wife. I read my nada the riot act about her activities. Told her that she can claim to everyone else that she is " being a good Christian " by helping Laurie get jobs she needs and all that other bullshit but she can just cork it with me cause I am on to her. The ONLY reason she is doing any of this is so she can keep her BIG FAT NOSE in my dad's life. And I told her just that. Did nothing to change her behavior, but at least she quit trying to convince me to believe all her bullshit. I told her it was the most crass and class less thing she had ever done. If anyone you truly care about says anything to you about this then you should feel free to express your opinion about these 'in memorium' ads but other wise just view it as one more opportunity to free yourself from the power nada has over you to " get " to you. Best of luck with this. Carla > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the opportunity > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper several > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b-day, > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She always > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs it > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and also > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name lumped > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are all > some happy f-ing family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 I agree with Vegdeanna, let it go. Khris > > > > OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so bizarre, > > but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which I'll > > ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it. > > A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a rebellious > > 14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who she " raised. " > > My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white ever > > since, despite my sister and I being independent and successful, and > > my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited > > income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college > > tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her > > childcare, and god knows what else. > > > > Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was married to > > my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat in > > Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war but > > can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did take > > care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. as > > well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as well as > > us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the > > biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only by her > > regret at having children). They were both elementary school > > teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, so he > > had very little escape from her, and really was her personal slave. > > Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and for > > about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she had > > to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after some > > drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the > > Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously embarassing > > obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very long, > > and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses like a > > sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of all > > of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a lot of > > his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. etc. > > Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was > > alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF in > > the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for many > > years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). OK, > > but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, she put > > herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my daughter > > (his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, who > > she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her > > children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren. > > > > My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of my > > cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to be his > > grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my > > child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from China, and > > during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's horrible > > white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 y/o > > daughter. > > > > Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for > > someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also b/c > > I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound mentaly > > retarded. > > > > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the opportunity > > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper several > > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b-day, > > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She always > > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs it > > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's > > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and also > > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name lumped > > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are all > > some happy f-ing family. > > > > I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would only > > result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my sister > > called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use our > > names should she call in another ad. They said that they could, but > > they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO, > > should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we just > > let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is kind of > > well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I think > > enjoys the attention she gets from these ads. > > > > Only a BP could make something like an obituary an embarassment! > > > > Thanks for reading. > > > > Joanna > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Wow, your mother is also very vindictive like mine is, a little looney too. I say keep your names on these ads, as a favor to your father, not to your mother. You are your father's children, and having your names listed under any section with him would probably make him happy, regardless of who placed these ads. Your father is probably looking down laughing and shaking his head back and forth at your Nada right now. I would let it go for sure......and just know that your NADA is sick and you cannot help her, I would suggest the NC too if she causes you all any more pain. Also, this may seem mean, but have you two thought of putting your own ad in the paper for your father, and just have you two girls listed underneath and NO one else? That would really get your NADA's goat huh? Damn I am evil, it comes from years of being hurt by my NADA... Maybe I need to get back into therapy again (hehehehehehehe). Just some thoughts for you to ponder.......... Oh, I can beat your story 10 times over, but right now don't have the time to type it, but here is a very short story......... How about my NADA stayed married to my stepfather for over 20+ more years, AFTER she found out that he had sex with her very own 14 year old daughter? Or how about when I was having my second child, my mother felt the need to go out on a date with a strange man instead of being in the hospital with me? Or how about, I have had 3 surgeries in the past three years for tumors and my husband was in Iraq and I asked my mother to help me at my home take care of my kids for a few days so that I could recover from my surgeries and she said she couldn't because she had to be at home to check her email. So I recovered all alone at home with 2 little children to take care of in lots of pain, and all against my doctors orders (no holding children for 3 days) but I did it anyway, the same day of all of my surgeries I was doing everything that I wasn't supposed to be doing because my mother (who didn't work at the time and lived directly across the street from me at the time) was too busy to walk her skinny little ass across the street to help me after my surgeries, because checking her email every 2 minutes was more important to her. I have more good stories, but not enough time to tell all of the stories today. Mia > > > > > > OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so > bizarre, > > > but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which I'll > > > ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it. > > > A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a > rebellious > > > 14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who > she " raised. " > > > My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white > ever > > > since, despite my sister and I being independent and successful, > and > > > my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited > > > income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college > > > tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her > > > childcare, and god knows what else. > > > > > > Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was married > to > > > my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat in > > > Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war but > > > can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did take > > > care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. as > > > well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as well > as > > > us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the > > > biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only by > her > > > regret at having children). They were both elementary school > > > teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, so > he > > > had very little escape from her, and really was her personal > slave. > > > Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and for > > > about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she > had > > > to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after > some > > > drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the > > > Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously embarassing > > > obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very > long, > > > and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses like > a > > > sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of > all > > > of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a lot > of > > > his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. etc. > > > Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was > > > alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF > in > > > the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for > many > > > years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). > OK, > > > but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, she > put > > > herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my > daughter > > > (his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, > who > > > she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her > > > children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren. > > > > > > My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of my > > > cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to be > his > > > grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my > > > child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from China, > and > > > during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's > horrible > > > white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 y/o > > > daughter. > > > > > > Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for > > > someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also > b/c > > > I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound > mentaly > > > retarded. > > > > > > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the > opportunity > > > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper > several > > > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b- day, > > > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She > always > > > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs > it > > > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's > > > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > > > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > > > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and > also > > > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name > lumped > > > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are > all > > > some happy f-ing family. > > > > > > I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would only > > > result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my > sister > > > called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use > our > > > names should she call in another ad. They said that they could, > but > > > they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO, > > > should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we > just > > > let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is kind > of > > > well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I think > > > enjoys the attention she gets from these ads. > > > > > > Only a BP could make something like an obituary an > embarassment! > > > > > > Thanks for reading. > > > > > > Joanna > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 I kind of agree too. However i understand a need to adress your own discomfort. Some folks reading those ads is going to say, hmm " Thats kind of crass " Personally i would think its kind of stupid to advertise something like that. In short, this advertisement doesn't really mean anything to anybody but your nada. Ignoring her is the best thing you can do and if she asks you about the ad just brush it off, eh, hmm i dont really pay attention to the paper. That will hurt her more than anything. Tina > > > > > > OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so > bizarre, > > > but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which I'll > > > ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it. > > > A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a > rebellious > > > 14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who > she " raised. " > > > My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white > ever > > > since, despite my sister and I being independent and successful, > and > > > my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited > > > income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college > > > tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her > > > childcare, and god knows what else. > > > > > > Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was married > to > > > my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat in > > > Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war but > > > can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did take > > > care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. as > > > well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as well > as > > > us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the > > > biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only by > her > > > regret at having children). They were both elementary school > > > teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, so > he > > > had very little escape from her, and really was her personal > slave. > > > Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and for > > > about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she > had > > > to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after > some > > > drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the > > > Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously embarassing > > > obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very > long, > > > and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses like > a > > > sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of > all > > > of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a lot > of > > > his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. etc. > > > Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was > > > alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF > in > > > the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for > many > > > years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). > OK, > > > but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, she > put > > > herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my > daughter > > > (his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, > who > > > she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her > > > children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren. > > > > > > My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of my > > > cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to be > his > > > grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my > > > child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from China, > and > > > during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's > horrible > > > white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 y/o > > > daughter. > > > > > > Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for > > > someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also > b/c > > > I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound > mentaly > > > retarded. > > > > > > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the > opportunity > > > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper > several > > > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b- day, > > > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She > always > > > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs > it > > > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's > > > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > > > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > > > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and > also > > > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name > lumped > > > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are > all > > > some happy f-ing family. > > > > > > I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would only > > > result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my > sister > > > called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use > our > > > names should she call in another ad. They said that they could, > but > > > they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO, > > > should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we > just > > > let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is kind > of > > > well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I think > > > enjoys the attention she gets from these ads. > > > > > > Only a BP could make something like an obituary an > embarassment! > > > > > > Thanks for reading. > > > > > > Joanna > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Love this one! I think this is a great way to handle that! Nothing more frustrating to a BPD than to have their shameless bid for attention ignored. " I never read the paper " with a blank look on your face is perfect. If she shoves it in your face, give it a brief, disinterested " Yep " and move on with what you were doing, or change the subject. How about following that up with a quick " Hey, do you recycle? " LOL -Kyla > > I kind of agree too. However i understand a need to adress your own > discomfort. Some folks reading those ads is going to say, hmm " Thats > kind of crass " Personally i would think its kind of stupid to > advertise something like that. In short, this advertisement doesn't > really mean anything to anybody but your nada. Ignoring her is the > best thing you can do and if she asks you about the ad just brush it > off, eh, hmm i dont really pay attention to the paper. That will hurt > her more than anything. > > Tina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Mia -- that's a lovely idea regarding taking out her OWN ad. And, if not, that's a nice way of re-framing her mother's ad: that it's a favor to her father to just let it go and let her name stay in. Also, I have to comment on your mother staying married to that monster 20 more years after he violated her daughter: I wouldn't speak to her again. She tore up her " mother " card when she betrayed her daughter in the worst possible way. And even though it was your sister, I think YOU are completely justified in never speaking to her again, either. -Kyla > > > > > > > > OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so > > bizarre, > > > > but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which > I'll > > > > ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it. > > > > A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a > > rebellious > > > > 14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who > > she " raised. " > > > > My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white > > ever > > > > since, despite my sister and I being independent and > successful, > > and > > > > my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited > > > > income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college > > > > tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her > > > > childcare, and god knows what else. > > > > > > > > Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was > married > > to > > > > my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat > in > > > > Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war > but > > > > can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did > take > > > > care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. > as > > > > well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as > well > > as > > > > us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the > > > > biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only > by > > her > > > > regret at having children). They were both elementary school > > > > teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, > so > > he > > > > had very little escape from her, and really was her personal > > slave. > > > > Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and > for > > > > about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she > > had > > > > to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after > > some > > > > drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the > > > > Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously > embarassing > > > > obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very > > long, > > > > and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses > like > > a > > > > sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of > > all > > > > of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a > lot > > of > > > > his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. > etc. > > > > Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was > > > > alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF > > in > > > > the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for > > many > > > > years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). > > OK, > > > > but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, > she > > put > > > > herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my > > daughter > > > > (his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, > > who > > > > she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her > > > > children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren. > > > > > > > > My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of > my > > > > cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to > be > > his > > > > grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my > > > > child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from > China, > > and > > > > during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's > > horrible > > > > white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 > y/o > > > > daughter. > > > > > > > > Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for > > > > someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also > > b/c > > > > I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound > > mentaly > > > > retarded. > > > > > > > > SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the > > opportunity > > > > to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper > > several > > > > times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b- > day, > > > > Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She > > always > > > > puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and > signs > > it > > > > from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin > K's > > > > little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the > > > > family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one > > > > thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and > > also > > > > my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name > > lumped > > > > in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we > are > > all > > > > some happy f-ing family. > > > > > > > > I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would > only > > > > result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my > > sister > > > > called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use > > our > > > > names should she call in another ad. They said that they > could, > > but > > > > they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO, > > > > should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we > > just > > > > let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is > kind > > of > > > > well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I > think > > > > enjoys the attention she gets from these ads. > > > > > > > > Only a BP could make something like an obituary an > > embarassment! > > > > > > > > Thanks for reading. > > > > > > > > Joanna > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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