Re: confrontation letter to BPD

[Guest guest]

a,

ya might want to spend some more time reading this board, old posts and such

before you

do that. I would also be in some kind of therapy too. (if you aren't already)

The fall out is

gonna be rougher than you might be ready for.

My nada ( mother) was hospitalized in the late sixties for her problems. being

BPD

(although they did not call it that at the time) as well as postpartum

depression/psychosis.

We are talking six to eight months of hospitalization with electro shock

therapy, meds you

name it.

She just got wind of me saying that she still is having problems relating and

managing her

life and relationships because of her mental illness. WELL the nerve! She just

lost her

husband and has it rough right now, but that really does not cover the previous

forty years

of bad behavior I have had the misfortune to witness or the thirty years my

brother has

had to deal with.

Eventually she will run out of participants that will let her milk this loss for

all she can get.

Trust me when I say, they are starting to get clued in.

Carla

>

> Hi,

>

> This is my first time writing. I am new to the group. I have decided

> that I am going to tell my mom via email that I believe that she has

> BPD and I want her to get help.

>

> Has anyone else ever done this with their BPD parent? Any tips on how

> I might word this?

>

> Best regards,

>

> a

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with you on this Carla. Good advice, Another option might be

to write the letter but not actually give it to her. most people with

BPD are going to deny it and get more paranoid your out to get them if

you try to give them a diagnosis. After all most of them like to give

you the diagnosis ahahaha. Maybe leave a book lying around about BPD

ahahaha.. I dont know if that works but I would never dare tell my

nada she has something wrong with her. that would result in her

attacking me. Its sort of like if someone is overweight you dont go up

to them and tell them. they know they are its usually obvious to them

but they have to be the ones to look for help all you would do is hurt

thier feelings and then be the bad guy. I think the BPD might see it

the same kind of way. They know something is wrong with them even if

it has no name. But they are clueless what to do. And certainly wont

be happy its pointed out.

On the overweight thing Ill give personal example, I have good friend

I have had for over 20 years well about 10 years ago I started gaining

weight. At that time I was maybe 25-30 lbs overweight. She tells me Im

gaining weight and I think like duh? I was hurt, upset and didnt feel

like talking to her I told her she didnt need to tell me that. She

tells me she is just concerned for my health. Well so am I but all of

us know there are alot of factors contributing to gaining weight it

isnt as simple as not eating. I pulled away from her after that and I

still havent forgotten it. I have tried, but I was so hurt. maybe it

isnt right and I should forgive her but it was just something that

hurt alot. anyway that was just my two cents on it ahahaha... Kind of

got long winded.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > This is my first time writing. I am new to the group. I have decided

> > that I am going to tell my mom via email that I believe that she has

> > BPD and I want her to get help.

> >

> > Has anyone else ever done this with their BPD parent? Any tips on how

> > I might word this?

> >

> > Best regards,

> >

> > a

> >

>

[Guest guest]

a,

This is very difficult and I think something we all face at some time. I tried

this in a round

about way by writing Nada an e-mail with the things she has done that have hurt

me and

ways that I thought we could get our relationship back on track. It ended up

being the

worst 2 months of my life. I wish I could have put the cat in the bag.

The problem is, they are always looking for someone else to blame, if you tell

you BPD

parent you believe she has BPD, I fear she will fight to the death to convince

you (and

herself) that she in fact does not.

If this is something that you want to do, I wouldn't do it without a good

therapist by your

side because it is impossible to anticipate the fall out, and you certainly will

need some

one to help you sort through the muck.

This is of course the worse case scenario, as I see it with my BPD parent. It

is possible and

only you can answer this that you parent may not take it personally, may not

feel the need

to defend and destroy, and that it may open up a healthy dialogue.

I would recommend looking back at times when you have told her negative things

in the

past and see how that went.

Hope this helps,

Liza

>

> Hi,

>

> This is my first time writing. I am new to the group. I have decided

> that I am going to tell my mom via email that I believe that she has

> BPD and I want her to get help.

>

> Has anyone else ever done this with their BPD parent? Any tips on how

> I might word this?

>

> Best regards,

>

> a

>

[Guest guest]

I totally agree, a lot of us have confronted our BPD parents and

tried to show them how they really are, and it almost NEVER happens

the way you want it to. She will most likely turn things around and

call you mentally Ill or Bipolar, or BPD. And be mad at you for a

long time......

I would make sure you have a good therapist, and ask the therapist

what you should do, since everyone's situation is different.

My therapist always recommended NC for good, and also, to do

a " Therapy Letter to NADA " - this is where you write a very long

letter to your NADA, but you never mail it out, instead you and your

therapist go over the letter together and heal yourself that way. It

works, but I don't think I can ever fully be free from my NADA until

she is gone for good (ie: death). Sad to say, but true.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > This is my first time writing. I am new to the group. I have

decided

> > that I am going to tell my mom via email that I believe that she

has

> > BPD and I want her to get help.

> >

> > Has anyone else ever done this with their BPD parent? Any tips

on how

> > I might word this?

> >

> > Best regards,

> >

> > a

> >

>