crazy chronicles

[Guest guest]

OK. I've got a story for you. It's humorous, b/c it's so bizarre,

but that's my mother...I'd also like some advice, too, which I'll

ask for at the end. I hope you can understand it.

A little background: when my sister was 16 and I was a rebellious

14, my mother " took in " my then 2 y/o cousin K, who she " raised. "

My sis and I have been split black, and my cousin K split white ever

since, despite my sister and I being independent and successful, and

my 29 y/o cousin K now " living off " my 70 y/o nada's limited

income. K doesn't work and my mother pays her ongoing college

tuition, her defaulted student loans, her credit card debt, her

childcare, and god knows what else.

Ok, here goes. One year ago today my father died. He was married to

my loco nada for 46 years, after having been wounded in combat in

Korea. Never quite figured that one out - you survive a war but

can't stand up to a crazy screaming woman??? Anyway, he did take

care of my sister and I, did ALL the housework, cooking, etc. as

well as being my mother's personal slave. She hated him (as well as

us) - called him names constantly, derided him, saying how the

biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him (followed only by her

regret at having children). They were both elementary school

teachers and even taught in the same classroom for many years, so he

had very little escape from her, and really was her personal slave.

Anyway, he was sick for several years - kidney failure - and for

about the last year of his life he couldn't DO for her, so she had

to " take care of " (I use this phrase loosely) him. OK, so after some

drama at the hospice house, which my sis and I refer to as " the

Jerry Springer episode " , my nada puts a ridiculously embarassing

obituary in our hometown paper about my father. It was very long,

and overly religious (think church lady - this woman cusses like a

sailor), and included as " preceding him in death " the names of all

of HER relatives - my mother's brother's...she also listed a lot of

his relatives by name, nieces and nephews, their kids, etc. etc.

Like my sister says, by the end of it you couldn't tell who was

alive and who was dead. She also had information about HERSELF in

the obit, such as Mr R. taught sunday school with his wife for many

years...she still teaches the 3 year old class (or some shit). OK,

but the clincher was, for survivors, in the first paragraph, she put

herself (his wife), my sister and I (his two daughters), my daughter

(his only grandchild), AS WELL AS my nada's great-niece Kristi, who

she referred to as his " special daughter " , her husband, and her

children, which she referred to as my father's grandchildren.

My father, although a kind and loving person, did NOT think of my

cousin as his " daughter " and did not consider her children to be his

grandchildren. This was simply a slam at me, my sister, and my

child. This also " stung " b/c my daughter is adopted from China, and

during the drama at the hospice house, my cousin Kristi's horrible

white trash (no offense) H said racial slurs about my then 4 y/o

daughter.

Now, I was able to laugh a bit, b/c it's all so ridiculous (for

someone to lash out at someone else thru an obituary), and also b/c

I thought the phrase " special daughter " made my cousin sound mentaly

retarded.

SOOO.. to bring us up to date, my mother has taken the opportunity

to place an " in memoriam " classified ad in the local paper several

times the past year - Mem. Day, Father's Day, my father's b-day,

Veterans's Day, and today, the anniversary of his death. She always

puts the same picture of my dad, usually a bible quote, and signs it

from Her, my sister, me, my cousin K, my daughter, my cousin K's

little boy, my cousin K's little girl, and " the rest of the

family. " This is objectionable to me on many levels - for one

thing - I didn't " sign " these ads - they are not " from " me, and also

my sister and I don't want our names and my daughter's name lumped

in with Nada and my cousin K's names to make it look like we are all

some happy f-ing family.

I haven't said anything to Nada about it, b/c to do so would only

result most likely, in her doing it more often. So today, my sister

called the paper and asked if they could make a note not to use our

names should she call in another ad. They said that they could, but

they will have to tell her that this has been our request. SO,

should we do this (therefore " fueling the fire " ), or should we just

let it go? We are currently LC, considering NC. My nada is kind of

well-respected in our hometown (we live 8 hours away) and I think

enjoys the attention she gets from these ads.

Only a BP could make something like an obituary an embarassment!

Thanks for reading.

Joanna