In A Pickle...

January 18, 2008

Hi, I haven't been in here for a while...

I'm having a sort of " buyers remorse " for reconnecting with my

Momster. I haven't talked to her or heard from her in 2 whole

years. My T. has been helping me prepare for the possibility for

being sucked off to Oz, and she has helped me deal with some of my

anger. In reconnecting, I tried to confront my mom about a few of

the recent things she has done to hurt me. This had the expected

result of a mixed bag of guilt trips, a few tiny moments of ownership

for her mistakes, and then a whole lot of excuses...I'm working on

accepting the fact that she has BPD, (undiagnosed) and is DISTURBED.

I have decided to TRY to have a detached, unemotional, mostly email

relationship with my mom, to see how things go. So far things are

pleasant, I am keeping the emails light. I know it will eventually

come up that she wants to see me, etc. That is when I will get the

first test of my mettle. I will have to tell her no and why.

However, in deciding to reconnect, I have recreated the breach in my

relationship with my fiancé. He will not have anything to do with

her. He says he is concerned about when we get married or have kids,

because my mom will want to be involved…Yeah I'm worried too, I don't

want my kids exposed to her and I don't know if I want her at my

wedding, I'm undecided. He thinks she can be held completely

accountable for her behavior and should be forced to recognize her

failings. He says he understands that something is wrong with her,

but he doesn't think she can't see that she has hurt both of us, if

only we tell her and make her hear.

I really don't know what to do. I don't know how much she can " hear "

about her failings as a mother. Do I disconnect again? I really

don't want to have to make a choice like this, because I don't know

if this will even work between momster and I, (I'm still holding up

my hands expecting the violent hail of guilt and bullshit she usually

rains on me).

Your views on my situation would sure help.

Recommended Posts