BPD mom

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone. I just joined the group and have been reading some

emails. I cannot believe how similar everything sounds to my own life!

i am seriously fed up with my mother, and about ready to cut off

contact with her. i'm just running out of patience. my friends and

family tell me not to let her bother me, but i can't help it. i had to

grow up with her, and she has traumatized me. i have nightmares about

her, and suffer from depression. and she knows how to upset me.

the other day i called her and she decided to bitch about and insult

my boyfriend of 2 years. i hung up on her, which is my policy when she

starts being nasty to me.

i thought about it and decided that maybe i should give her an

ultimatum - she get in therapy (and stay in it!) and take some

medication, or i don't want to see her. (she will admit to her

disorder, and has been in and out of therapy my whole life. when i was

young, she tried some meds, but always complains they " don't work " or

that the side effects are too bad.) after all, i have had to take

anti-depressants most of my life, and i consider it worth it.

shouldn't she want to at least TRY? (who am i kidding?)

i sent her an email suggesting she get help, try some new medications,

go back to a therapist, and she replied with a completely nonsensical

rant about how i'm wasting my life and that my boyfriend is a

pedophile and other completely uncalled for, and completely false

accusations about me or my boyfriend (who she seems to be obsessed

over for some reason)!

excerpts:

" u would rather go to parks and meet strange black men to fuck than go

to a university. Where did that get u? Lots of sexual experience, I

suppose. "

" now u can spend ALL ur time giving sex lessons to your successful

boyfriend. "

" I swear I don't want to hurt u, I just want u to see the light. "

amazing, how she can claim to not want to hurt me, right in the middle

of an email with nasty insults!

" Lets see how you will react when your daughter brings home a balding,

aging, store clerk who trys to pick up 14 year olds and who has no

intention of ever getting married. "

and the kicker:

" Medication has nothing to do with the way I feel, nor my disorder.. I

am feeling better than ever. "

oh, yeah i can tell she's doing GREAT!

" I would need a lot of meds before I would ever like Skyler. You are

wasting your life and I cannot remain equanimous about it. "

i replied, saying i didn't care if she likes him or not, i want her to

take medication for herself, and those that love her, like me. and

that yelling at me all these horrible things is not going to make me

" see the light " and dump him, because we are very happy together.

she then sent me multiple emails throughout that night, none of which

i've replied to. when she gets like this, there's not much i can do

but ignore her. i guess i probably shouldn't of even bothered to ask

her to get help, it's not like i haven't tried that multiple times

before with no success.

" Just leave me alone, now, Casey, and for good.I guess the two of u

are MADE 4 EACH OTHER!!

A perfect match!! "

" U were a mean little girl and u are a mean adult!!

Good riddance!!

or......

FUCK OFF!! "

" U are NEVER to contact me again for as long as I live! "

i don't know what to do. she has, of course, told me before things

like this, but always after awhile she comes back and apologizes, or

my father calls me and makes me apologize for some pointless thing she

is upset about, just so she'll leave him alone, or let him talk to me.

as of now, i am talking to my father only in private, because when she

is mad at me, she will freak out at him if she sees he is not mad at

me as well. this is a routine me and my father have down well, ever

since i was young.

i am totally sick of it. no one else in my life is this mean to me,

nor would i put up with it from anybody else. maybe i should take her

at her word this time, and remove her from my life? how can i have a

relationship at all with my father then?

sorry for the long rant! i guess i just really need some support. i

love my mom, and i feel sorry for her and understand she can't really

help it, but i also am tired of it. i didn't ask for her to be my

mother, i didn't ask for any of this, and she has hurt me so much, and

i'm so sick of it.