Difficult day

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Just hoping for a bit of advice.

I started a new job this past week. It seems to be very well suited

to what I want/need at the moment. One day off in the week. School

vacations off. I'm cycling again, working with people, in an

environment that is familiar, in a different and interesting context

from what I was used to in the past.

The first two days went well. I left my three-and-a-half-year-old

with a child minder and thought about her a few times, but got on

with what I was doing and pretty much enjoyed it.

Today I feel totally ripped apart by . . . body chemistry? I don't

know. I don't think a minute has passed when I haven't wanted to

cry. I cried this morning; I locked myself in the toilets and cried

at lunchtime; I cried when I cycled over a bump in the sidewalk and

a pannier fell off my bike; I cried when I collected my daughter and

she said how much she misses me in the day. Whenever I thought of

her today the tears came. It was hard to stop imagining her bursting

through the doors and running over to me to give me a big hug.

If I could, I would throw this whole job away. It's just that if I

want to carry on as I am with diet and supplements, we need the

money to pay for it, which means me working. Also I thought it was

just what I needed to give my healing a boost.

I think I need to give things time to settle. It just surprises and

frightens me, how out of sorts I am right now. At first I was proud

of all the organising I did, from cooking lunches the evening

before, to working out where I can cycle on the sidewalk and where I

have to go on the road. To be honest the cycling was exhausting

today, as I'm not used to it anymore.

I'm so low. I feel overwhelmed. In a way I feel like I've lost my

life. If this is biochemical, might I feel better in a few days if I

rest over the weekend?

Thanks,

.