learning day by day

[Guest guest]

More accepting today in spurts!! I seem to get " it " really clearly in glimpses,

but boy is it easy to fall back into how I am supposed to be. My mind says " Now

really ,a teacher should really be able to feel calm and confident in her class

room if she is going to accomplish what she needs to. " I guess I am asking for

help on being compassionate with myself for feeling the anxiety. I tend to feel

like it is so unacceptable to feel intimidated by a student. I suppose it feels

like it is part of my job to not feel intimidated therefore I am failing at my

job if I let some students get under my skin. I think some of the accepting

exercises would be most helpful to work on this. Any ideas that work the best

for yall?

[Guest guest]

Hi :-),

i hope u don't mind i am replying to u again.

Doesn't really matter if u do fall back into the old pattern. Just bring urself

back to the Act pattern again:-). It's like the mindfulness exercises. If u find

u have drifted away, just come back to the present moment again, and again and

again, and do it as many times as needed to be in the present moment. Just

remember when u r trying this new way of " being more compassionate to urself and

ur expreinces when anxiety is showing up " , don't try it with a lotta

expectations coz then u r bound to feel down, anytime u fall back. Let go of

the expections as well, just like u will let go of the judgements that can come

with exprecining anxiety.

<<..a teacher should really be able to feel calm and confident.... it is so

unacceptable to feel intimidated by a student... it is part of my job to not

feel intimidated therefore I am failing at my job....>>>>

i wanna share a few things i learnt at my therapay which really helped a lot,

coz i would feel the same way like u, and the therapists hadta really get me to

realize what the underlying thought was that i was so fused to, that was making

me feel this way. and it was the " the perception of appearing/being weak in the

eyes of others, hence in my own eyes " that i could absolutely not tolerate. "

Once when i told em last year, that I hated the fact that everytime someone

would scream some racial slur, i would feel intimidated right away, and

instaantly get an anxiety attack. I hated that i felt like that and could not

just calmly reply back or say something to shut em up. Then my therapist said ,

well sarah, if someone yells at me on the street like that, my instant reaction

would be just the same. i too would feel intimidated. And i was thinking to

myself....nooooo waaaay, the " the curer of anxiety disorder " would feel the

same? then this must be a normal reaction to a perceived threat.

Then this year, when i went back, one of the therapist shared with me that when

she hadta give her first talk on ACT at some confrence, she was sooo nervous,

flushed face and all.

Then another therapist shared her expreince in class, about when she was

applying for this job, she was sooooo anxious that she had hives all over her

body, at the time of the job interview, and the ironic thing was she was appling

for a job as a Therpaist FOR an anxiety program.

Thats when i realized that the problem is that we think these reactions r not

normal. We think, since we suffer from anxiety, ONLY we must expreince such

unpleasant feelings/sensations etc. But the truth was that even a therapist

treating anxiety disorders, who we would imagine is the most calm and composed

person on earth, can expreince tremendous anxiety when she perceives a

situation to be threathening ,or actually more like intimidating (when

presenting, interviewing).

Also, u r human. and it is normal as a human being to sometimes not feel as calm

and confident as u would like to, to sometimes feel intimidated by someone who

seems like he's being intimidating. " Feeling good " " feeling calm " , these r all

emotions, and as we know emotions never stay the same all the time, they come

and go.

u r being too tough onurself when u r putting such high expectations of always

appearing calm and confident.

Also they used to teach us something in therapy, " never compare ur inside with

people's outside " ...usually we come down hard on ourselves, coz we r comparing

ourselves to others ,who, to us , seem and react very differently to the same

situtations. But for sure, we can't tell if they r not feeling the same anxiety

inside them or not. We base our conclusion simply on how they appear on the

outside.

Also if u find urself being consumed with such thoughts and judgements as the

ones mentioned above, or they popping up, then just ask urself " wait, isn't this

an old thought? haven't i heard this one b4? k, will this thought be helpful to

me? in the sense if i buy into it, will it help me inprove my situation? will it

help me take affective action? or is it one of those thoughts that will only

make me feel MORE guilty, depressed, down, frustrated, anxious? And if the

answer is (, then say to urself, ok, i think i can get by without listening or

buying into this thought, as my asnwer was- Nope, not helpful at all!

to tell ya the truth leslie, for me the best mindfulness exercisse, by far,

hands down, hats off, is " welcome anxiety, my old freind " . becoz i have

expereinced that at times when even major anxiety attcks kick in really fast,

and if i am in such panic mode that i can't remeber what thought to put on the

leaf, what thought to difuse from, or anything, if i can just remeber these

words " welcome anxiety, my old freind " i instantly know what i am supposed to

do, which is -welcome anxiety, my old freind:-)

Also to me this is where ACT differs from CBT or any other therapy, coz i have

done mindfulness in cbt therpay, and no therapy uses this approach to Anxiety as

ACT does.

And excatly what these words mean to me?, i wrote in the last email i sent " Why

ACT? " . ONLY if u r interested:-)

Also from the time i read that -expereicing a full, meaningful life infact means

being able and willing to expereince ALL the range of emotions it comes with,

pleasant AND UNPLEASANT, since then i somtimes find myself saying " welcome

anxiety, my best friend " . wasalaam:-)

p.s.

leslie if i misuderstood any part of ur email i do apologize.

-K Designs.

" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes. "

~ a very pious intellectual

>

> More accepting today in spurts!! I seem to get " it " really clearly in

glimpses, but boy is it easy to fall back into how I am supposed to be. My mind

says " Now really ,a teacher should really be able to feel calm and confident in

her class room if she is going to accomplish what she needs to. " I guess I am

asking for help on being compassionate with myself for feeling the anxiety. I

tend to feel like it is so unacceptable to feel intimidated by a student. I

suppose it feels like it is part of my job to not feel intimidated therefore I

am failing at my job if I let some students get under my skin. I think some of

the accepting exercises would be most helpful to work on this. Any ideas that

work the best for yall?

>

[Guest guest]

You did not misunderstand at all!! You gave me some insights that were very

relevant to my situation. I so appreciate your sharing some of the specific

information that you learned in your workshop. It really is a big help. All of

what you shared is also so true for me. Thanks!!!!!!!!

> >

> > More accepting today in spurts!! I seem to get " it " really clearly in

glimpses, but boy is it easy to fall back into how I am supposed to be. My mind

says " Now really ,a teacher should really be able to feel calm and confident in

her class room if she is going to accomplish what she needs to. " I guess I am

asking for help on being compassionate with myself for feeling the anxiety. I

tend to feel like it is so unacceptable to feel intimidated by a student. I

suppose it feels like it is part of my job to not feel intimidated therefore I

am failing at my job if I let some students get under my skin. I think some of

the accepting exercises would be most helpful to work on this. Any ideas that

work the best for yall?

> >

>