Re: intensive anxiety program - My story:-)

[Guest guest]

hi theresa:-)

K, before i start lemme just clarify a few things, i apologize if i made it

sound like i have had major accomplishments...i simply meant from where i

started, in my eyes there were huge break throughts. Also by 5 paras once again

i don't mean my list of accomplishments, i mean coz of my poor writing skills, i

tend to start off with something and ramble off, as u will c in this email too

that i am about to compose:-)

So my social anxiety , phobia about americans had ofcourse increased to becoming

anxious around my own people, and basically anyone and everyone who seemed

asssertive, intimidating, aggressive. I was a total mess when i joined Joanns

program. Not to mention very afraid of white people. I had major social anxiety,

shaky jaw, red, flushed face all the time, frozen sweaty palms, trembling jaw,

this was how i appeared when around people, and had trouble making eye contact

with people. While i was progressing there, I once confided in Joann about my

hidden desire to be able to speak in a group of people. She said; sarah i can

toally picture u being a great speaker. So i left the program with great

progress, and told her that when i go back to my town, i will take speech

classes at a college. When i came back i suffered much racial attacks and felt

like i had a major relapse. But then again all the expereinces at joanns, her

being there for me (via email) was a great push to get out of my shell and live

my life.

Joann always taught us, forget the baby steps, we want u guys to go do the big

stuff!..so when i thought about taking a speech class in college, i thought to

myself, with social anxiety, if am around college students, who r quite liberal

minded anyways being young, that will be playing it safe, i think i would like

to be around middle-aged typical americans, who perhaps watch fox news, perhaps

conservative,and try to overcome my presentation anxiety there PLUS get to know

them and give them the opputunity to get to know me better(a muslim woman) . So

i joined a public speaking club (toastmasters international) . There in the

begining i did get some neg. vibe from some of the impromptu speeches delivered

by a couple people, but once they got to know me, as a muslim woman, and i got

to know them, as the most amazing people and speakers, we became friends, so i

made all kinds of freinds there, religious jews, chirstians, catholics etc.

....Then i joined a second public speaking club, and in both these clubs my

mentors r jews, AND just amazing people and speakers and people i totally

admire . a person who would in the begining freeze in therapy when her turn

would come , and could hardly remmebr what to say, i did quite ok with speeches,

as i spoke about what at that time was what i was pasionate about,

similarities between diff. religions...i also started doing pretty ok with

impromptu speeches. i do still get nervous getting up on the podium, and

imprompu makes me the most nervous, howver i am willing to HAVE the anxiety in

service of what i value, which is sharing my stories and expreinces in front of

people.

I also started befriendING non-muslims where i met them. which was the

toastmasters AND a CBT therapy which i was part of here after i left joanns last

year.

for someone who became agouraphobic from fear of americans, and could not even

go out in public places for groceries, I belive just being able to befriend

people, and have close lasting freindships with people, who were not of my

religion/culture was the biggestest breakthrough for me. and i havta admit i owe

this to joann too. coz i remmeber when i first met joann, to me at that time

,joann looked (in appearance) no diff. from the person with whom i had the most

traumatic expereince of a racial attack. in the sense a white, blonde

lady....that person almost drove over me, my 1 month old boy at that time, and

my 3 yr old boy. and when i went all sobbing to report to the police, with the

licnece plate no., car type, they said there was nothing they could do without

me actually being physically assaulted. but anyways, when i met joaan, in the

begining i was intimidated by her, until one day she asked me , sarah can i hug

u? i can't remember what were we discussing about and i was down i think. also

she never ever made me feel like i was a " pateint " and she was the therapist...i

did and always felt like she was a friend. lastly when i left last year , she

had tears in her eyes, she asked me to keep in touch with her via email. i

remeber doing so in the begining and then later on i was like , what am i doin?

joann is the director, she must b crazy busy, plus she is not even my therpait

now, i should stop emailing her, and this year when i went to the program again,

she came a few times to visit me and took me to her office to chat and right b4

leaving she reminded me to keep in touch with her this time as i had started to

slack off last year. and i was soo touched...i have yet to meet a therapist with

a personality like that. Its such people can impact peoples lives!

omgoodness, i warned u i don't write emails, i write essays, ...shoot...but

anyways, after ramadan, i will resume both my public speaking clases, and this

time will start giving speeches on ACT (NOT as an expert ofcourse, but from how

i used it to help with my struggles)..starting off the the book " the happiness

trap " and basic concepts ..very general stuff , (misconceptions about happiness,

what r thoughts all about) b4 i get into my expereince with act.

the reason, i have a lotta muslim freinds, who go trhough all kinds of

struggles, BUT have no one to go to, confide in, plus having such probelms is

still a stigma in our community. Once i start doing at the speech clubs, it

will give me enough confidence to start talking at my muslim lectures,

convenstions, groups...

since last year, i have also started taking up tasks in my own islamic

organizations, which orginally i could never even dream of doing, as that would

mean being the center of attention.

i also have a lotta non-muslim freinds who i befreinded from therapy, who

confide in me too, and sometimes it getz overwhelming. not the emails or

anyhing, but just realzing there is not much i can do to help except offer

support and share whatever i have learnt about ACT and how it has helped me.

the reason all these people, muslim and non-muslim confide in me so much,

despite some going to therapy is coz they feel like they can connect with me,

bond with me, and they start opening up...this is where i feel like we DON'T

HAVE ENOUGH therapists, and psychologists around like joaann, who can help such

people. coz from my own expreince, and from all that i hear from my freinds now

with frustration from therapies, they struggle with connecting with their

therapissts....having in depth knowledge about therapy and verious disorders and

getting into the profession becoz of the passion for psychology and human

bahaviour is one thing, but TO ME i belive a good therapist is only one who has

the passion to help people, who genuinely connects and can bond with people,

who can treat em like they would treat a friend, or a best freind for that

matter, that is one skill or gift that not many professionals have in my

opinion.

what i value right now is being able to be there and help and support the people

i love and care about, and the fastest way of doing that is starting to do my

small speeches at the tm clubs, then expanding to my own muslim community. not

to mention this is a way for me to work on my own social anxiety. I am also

planning to take claases to inprove my englisn wrting, comprehension skills, as

that will help me when i deliver , as that is a huge handicap for me. I am

finishing up my degree, and if i dont pop out another kid, try to go for a

masters in psychology;)

where i will go with all this and how far, to tell ya the truth i have no

idea,..i am a full time mum with 2 little boys, and being there for my family is

high in my values list. so if i am unable to do any of the stuff i aspire to as

far as halping my freinds and my community, atleast in the end if i am still a

GOOD wife and a mum, i will be happy that ACT helped me in my valued direction

and made me show up in a way i wanted to in my family life:-)

wasalaam.

p.s. recently i invted my mentor from tm, to run a workshop on public speaking

at an islamic event we had , hosted by 2 well known american islamic

organizations. it went very well and he was delighted to do it.

>, if you want to sometime, I would love to hear about some of

yourbreakthroughs, even just one of them. The program sounds wonderful. I've

beenthinking lately that if I just had a little , Russ, or sitting

on myshoulder I could really make quick progress.!HA! Sound like you had

something kinda like that with this program.

[Guest guest]

,

Forgive me if I'm too personal, but I have been so moved by your posts that I

have to say what I feel.

I love your posts. I admire the way, like me, you struggle to become a full and

loving human being.

I feel very strongly that we are more alike than different. I am atheist and you

are Muslim, but in all the ways that matter, we are the same.

In spite of our differences, we both have challenges in our lives that we

struggle to deal with. We both feel the same joys and feel the same pain.

Re my own issues, I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to replace

my unhelpful thoughts with more sensible and rational ones. It's never worked,

not once. If anything, they become more insistent and louder, and I wind up

feeling worse. It's like my thoughts are saying: " the harder you fight me, the

stronger I'll get " .

And they do, every time.

The only way I've found to deal with this chaos of opposing thoughts is to stand

back and let do them whatever they want to do. They're just thoughts, neural

patterns firing in my brain and chemicals flooding my body. They can't do a

thing to hurt me, nothing at all.

Thoughts are just thoughts, and feelings are just feelings. They have no power

to stop me doing what I want to do, no matter what I think or what I feel.

Life, with all its intoxicating joys and agonizing pain, is a miracle. I find it

incredible that I am alive and am able to experience the wonder and the anguish

of it all.

My life hasn't turned out the way I hoped it would when I was young, but what I

have and am now is, on the whole, a joy beyond imagining.

Thanks again, and keep on posting.

Cheers and lots of love,

Stan

> >, if you want to sometime, I would love to hear about some of

yourbreakthroughs, even just one of them. The program sounds wonderful. I've

beenthinking lately that if I just had a little , Russ, or sitting

on myshoulder I could really make quick progress.!HA! Sound like you had

something kinda like that with this program.

>

[Guest guest]

,

I echo Stan. Extremely cool. Wonderful work you are doing. To me you

sound like someone who has really gotten ACT. So I'll keep reading

your posts and learning from you.

- Randy

> > >, if you want to sometime, I would love to hear about some of

yourbreakthroughs, even just one of them. The program sounds wonderful. I've

beenthinking lately that if I just had a little , Russ, or sitting

on myshoulder I could really make quick progress.!HA! Sound like you had

something kinda like that with this program.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, none of your writing "idiosyncracies" matter - in fact, you come across as a very real and authentic person who just lays it out as she sees it without trying to pretty up the writing or spell every word right. I love that! Very refreshing - so much so that I read all of your posts, even the long ones. I'm learning a lot from you as well.

In your modest and genuine expression, you remind me of the delightful Muslim woman I work with. She has taken some flak from some people in other offices in the building, so I guess you must experience some discrimination as well. I have come to her defense more than once with those who make fun of her or criticize her spiritual rituals. I must say, that makes my blood boil!

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 12:21:44 AMSubject: Re: intensive anxiety program - My story:-)

Thanks so much RANDY. very sweet of u to say that. Though i havta warn u, my readings come with a disclaimer "READ AT UR OWN RISK!"...i write like my 6 yr old, very basic vocabulary, a looooootta spelling erros, ramble ever so often, couple words here and there used out of context, and extremeeeeeely lengthy emails;)btw like i said b4, if i have no time at all to go through the emails, i go to my inbox and look for the name "Randy" and go through ur posts. I love reading ur explanations and responses. They always make sense to me somehow, mostly i don't get lost in the words, though the recent one about cbt/act/r somethin somethin, i havta confess i got lost. And u always hit the nail when i explain anything about ACT. So jazakallah khair for that:-)>> , > > I echo Stan. Extremely cool. Wonderful work you are doing. To me you > sound like someone who has really gotten ACT. So I'll keep reading > your posts and learning from you.> > - Randy

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks, and wa jazakallah khairun!

I hope I got my greeting right. When I looked yours up on

islamic-dictionary.com, it gave me what I hope is the correct reply.

It's amazing how much alike we are to other people once we get to know them.

Personally, I'd hate to live in a world where everyone was exactly like me. I

want people to be different, I want them to surprise me, I want to enjoy our

differences. Where our beliefs differ, I want to talk about them in a kind and

loving way and learn as much from them as I hope they learn from me.

Your comments about jerks in one of your other posts brings me to my hobby of

writing stories. Pretty much every story we've ever read has had a villain. If

the writer wants the character to be more than a one-dimensional cartoon bad

guy, he (or she of course) has to step into their shoes and understand why they

are the way they are and why do the nasty things they do. They have to invent a

personality and a life history for them, they have to understand them at a deep

level. Ideally, they have to love them.

In my case, thinking about my characters and working all this out for whatever

story I'm writing bleeds into my everday life and increases my compassion.

Speaking of which, what you say about compassion has started to affect they way

I see people. I have a tendency to be 'mindy' and intellectual. It is, I'm

beginning to see, a way of distancing myself from others and at times judging

them a little too harshly. Telling people what I think is a lot easier than

showing them what I feel.

Compassion for ourselves and others has a way of cutting through the mental

nonsense our minds come up with and leads us to seeing ourselves and others in a

new and kinder way. Although we are all in our little boats sailing the great

ocean of life, we all experience the same calm days and suffer the same rough

seas and stormy skies. Sometimes though, we can tie our boats together and enjoy

the journey!

Cheers and love,

Stan

>

> hi STAN:-)

>

> thanks again for ur wonderful post. it was actually a great reminder about

what ACT teaches us, so jazakallah khair.

>

> as far as us being diff. yet very similar ,i love what u wrote here

>

> >I admire the way, like me, you struggle to become a full and loving >human

being..... we both have challenges in our lives that we >struggle to deal with.

We both feel the same joys and feel the same >pain.

>

> this is EXACTLY how i view the world and c people. If i look at differences

then to tall ya the truth, myself and my siblings don't have too much in common

except the fact that we have the same parents and share the same " religious

values " ...

>

> so religious background, sexual oreintation, culture, tthese r all diffences .

no doubt, but it's more of a diff way in how we lead our lives privately.

>

> If i tell u about myself u might wonder if i am a talibaan;)...i wear a

headscarf, used to wear a black clock b4, but from much racial attacks stopped

wearing it, my kids go to private islamic skools, in day to day lives there a

lotta things we do, how we mingle, how we r when around opp gender, one can say

is sorta diff from american culture. but once again this is diffences. in

lifestyles (i believe ).

> as human beings we all share a lotta common values. and that is enough reason

to be able to bond and connect with each other.

>

> i actually have a close freind i care about deraly whom i befreinded at

another therapy here, she is transgender, used to b catholic when she was a

kid, but now an atheirst, and she works in the porn industry. to tell ya the

truth, at face value we r from 2 opps ends, BUT i enjoy chatting with her coz

she values some of the same things in life like me, she values happiness, she

values laughter (btw she is hilarious in a sarcastic sense), she values love an

being loved, also we share a lotta the same struggles, anxiety being one:-), so

i connect really well with her too.

>

> So to me it deson't really havta be an obvious similairty to connect with

someone, if its something rooted deep in ur heart that u value too, i'll get it

out and make that a good enouh reason for me to bond:-)

>

> wasalaam

>