RE: Re: Being drawn to suffering and drama

[Guest guest]

I don't know, I've never considered myself bypolar, and also in this case it was warranted, as I had just invested $100 in a spa,  was dressed my best, had worked out 5 hours and was smiling at everyone, everyone was giving me a big smile back and asked whether I am single.. if that's maniac, I want to be maniac.

 Amazing how much hair (and a little confidence) does to a woman. My question though is, why do I reject what's good for me and choose what I know is will cause me suffering, systematically, as if I am addicted to suffering, and how to ACT about it?

 

 

Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.

I doubt if this applies to you, but whenever I feel irrestibly beautiful I know a mild mania is about to start up. This only ever occured when I was on antidpresants but I still have mild feelings like this occasionally which is problably quite normal, but when you have felt the opposite for years it can be very seductive. It's nice feeling but I take it with a pinch of salt.

Kv 

>> I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a

> batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to> function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a> drama queen.> > Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

> polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp as a> razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying to> impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed and

> changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it> last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his> politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't mind

> political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!> > Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling for> men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company of

> men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very> unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.> > So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one moron

> from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief and> took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He would> not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is rushing

> and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.> > What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in> the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or

> event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what> does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my> life?>

[Guest guest]

Oh, and to anticipate this train of thought I only had ONE cocktail throughout the evening. Let's not get distracted. Whether or not I could have any man last night is irrelevant.  

I don't know, I've never considered myself bypolar, and also in this case it was warranted, as I had just invested $100 in a spa,  was dressed my best, had worked out 5 hours and was smiling at everyone, everyone was giving me a big smile back and asked whether I am single.. if that's maniac, I want to be maniac.

 Amazing how much hair (and a little confidence) does to a woman. My question though is, why do I reject what's good for me and choose what I know is will cause me suffering, systematically, as if I am addicted to suffering, and how to ACT about it?

 

 

Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.

I doubt if this applies to you, but whenever I feel irrestibly beautiful I know a mild mania is about to start up. This only ever occured when I was on antidpresants but I still have mild feelings like this occasionally which is problably quite normal, but when you have felt the opposite for years it can be very seductive. It's nice feeling but I take it with a pinch of salt.

Kv 

>> I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a

> batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to> function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a> drama queen.> > Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

> polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp as a> razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying to> impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed and

> changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it> last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his> politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't mind

> political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!> > Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling for> men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company of

> men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very> unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.> > So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one moron

> from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief and> took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He would> not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is rushing

> and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.> > What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in> the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or

> event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what> does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my> life?>

[Guest guest]

There can be lots of reasons. Mom had been terminally ill, or so the doctors were saying, throughout my childhood.  She heeled cancer using alternative medicine only, after doctors gave up on her. I remember that once when grandma asked how we were doing and I said 'great', I was scolded for that and felt guilty and scared. Mom was chronically depressed and the best person I've ever met, so it sunk in me that suffering is cool. Various happy people were usually treated with suspicion, as either primitive or selfish or insinsere. Then there was superstition on my part that mother may pass away if I am happy. Then there is the whole Russian culture that is literally life saving at dire times but does nothing for you when all is well.

Does it matter why? What do I do?

> maybe suffering is more familiar and feels more controllable to you than " what's good for you "

> > good question though> > what do you deem is " good for you " ?> > > >> > >>> > > I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a>> > > batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to

>> > > function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a>> > > drama queen.>> > >>> > > Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

>> > > polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp>> > as a>> > > razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying>> > to

>> > > impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed>> > and>> > > changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it>> > > last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his

>> > > politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't>> > mind>> > > political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!>> > >

>> > > Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling>> > for>> > > men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company>> > of

>> > > men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very>> > > unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.>> > >>> > > So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one

>> > moron>> > > from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief>> > and>> > > took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He

>> > would>> > > not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is>> > rushing>> > > and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.>> > >

>> > > What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in>> > > the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or>> > > event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what

>> > > does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my>> > > life?>> > >>> >>> > >> >>>> >

[Guest guest]

Jane - A cowboy from Colorado may be the very last person who should chime in here but I'm feeling pretty frisky after my break from the listserv so...From a purely ACT standpoint I would say that you should give urge surfing a try. See The Happiness Trap, , chapter 15. The chapter has a five-step process to follow: 1: observe the urge. 2: acknowledge the urge. 3: Make room for it rather than struggle with it. 4: Watch the urge with curiosity, maybe even give it a score. 5: Check in with your values, asking yourself "what action can I take right now that will enhance my life for the long term?This process has helped me a lot in handling urges associated with anger when I'm driving. The urges are still there and sometimes I succumb to them, but a lot less frequently and with a lot less guilt after I do.You are right - it doesn't matter why the urges are there and it would be a huge waste of time to figure it out or to try to make them stop.For what it's worth to you.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: asdfasdf87@...Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2011 15:43:18 -0700Subject: Re: Re: Being drawn to suffering and drama

There can be lots of reasons. Mom had been terminally ill, or so the doctors were saying, throughout my childhood. She heeled cancer using alternative medicine only, after doctors gave up on her. I remember that once when grandma asked how we were doing and I said 'great', I was scolded for that and felt guilty and scared. Mom was chronically depressed and the best person I've ever met, so it sunk in me that suffering is cool. Various happy people were usually treated with suspicion, as either primitive or selfish or insinsere. Then there was superstition on my part that mother may pass away if I am happy. Then there is the whole Russian culture that is literally life saving at dire times but does nothing for you when all is well.

Does it matter why? What do I do?

> maybe suffering is more familiar and feels more controllable to you than "what's good for you"

> > good question though> > what do you deem is "good for you"?> > > >> > >>> > > I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a>> > > batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to

>> > > function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a>> > > drama queen.>> > >>> > > Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

>> > > polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp>> > as a>> > > razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying>> > to

>> > > impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed>> > and>> > > changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it>> > > last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his

>> > > politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't>> > mind>> > > political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!>> > >

>> > > Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling>> > for>> > > men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company>> > of

>> > > men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very>> > > unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.>> > >>> > > So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one

>> > moron>> > > from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief>> > and>> > > took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He

>> > would>> > > not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is>> > rushing>> > > and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.>> > >

>> > > What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in>> > > the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or>> > > event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what

>> > > does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my>> > > life?>> > >>> >>> > >> >>>> >