Re: Re: Commitment

September 11, 2011

My therapist resisted contact out of sessions, but not because of money (he was an NHS therapist in England) but because he said it wouldn't be helpful. My apparant "need" to be in tuch with him during the week, he said, was an illustration of how my mind over-reacted to things.

It turned out he was right: I found that whatever it was that I wanted to talk to him about, whilst my brain screamed that I needed immediate "help", it turned out that it could easily wait until the next session. Often, I didn't even mention it because by then it didn't seem important.

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To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, 11 September 2011, 3:26Subject: Re: Re: Commitment

Hi,

Last year, I met a very good psychologist/psychotherapist whom I've signed in because my doctor/psychiatrist seems to be limited in communicating skills so i thought he'll handle the medicine side, this PT will handle my mental and emotional side. She's not cheap, and after 3 sessions I really connetct with her and could see her method has some ACT stuffs in it, like distracting yourself when ur emotionally overwhelmed, etc. She even wrote the "road map" for me and promised that by her exprience with "helped" clients, she can help "go home".

Then she started setting up rules, like your PT. Beyond office hours her charges are double, including weekends. No phone calls. If we happen to meet in a social function or meet me in a Mall, she won't acknowledge (our own privacy)

me unless I approach her first and she'll only say hi! Than I started sending her e-mails, some of them my postings to ACT, and my random thoughts of the day. I remember my last session with her when I was so down that day, and the 1st thing she wants to establsh with me before we proceed to the session is that she will charge me double for now on, due to my daily loads of e-mails which would require her another "session hour" just ot read and understand them. I was shocked and hurt, and I told her, prior to going here, I'm about to jump off the bridge, and all you want is to settle your fees? I left her office in fury and tears and banged the door goodbye! She tried to run after me, texted me on the phone, apologize, etc...but I lost my respect on her.

In short most of these people are businessman first, rather than caring professionals. If she just said, there might be additional fees "later" as we progress, it should have been better...I felt like a drug addict, being tormented by a pusher with the "show me the money" attitude. I had a theraphist who is perfect in "arrangement" case, he's 24-7 and his cell is as well. He can meet you within 30-45 minutes from Starbucks to Denny's which we've done whenever I felt giving up.

But one Christmas, I had a row with my wife and I called him, and when he said: "Gee, ; I don't know what to do with you anymore..." I dropped the phone and sooon terminated him.

Another doctor (PT with PhD) had a high recommedation and her fees are double than my current one (2 years ago).

She outlined her treatment method and guaranteed she could help (unheard off) in a given period. Then she reviewed my medications and demanded my doctor/psychiatrist to take off some and replace with something else. When my doctor refused, she dropped me. Those were her conditions. So I went back to (my current that time) who actually was the best one I found, and he allows me to pay half for a while till I get another job. Too bad, I have to take a job in another country and he said he could not help me without personal contact. After sometime, my teenage son had some emotional issues, I referd him to he took his case and in 4 visits my son said, he's been "rightly redirected" and could proceed on his own. He's doing on his own now (apparently and thankfully, he's not bi=polar like me).

So in essence, it's about luck like marriage: but I guess, getting a good and compatible one is harder. Continue with ACT, and you'll get advice like what Dr. has given about "self-kindness"...reading your post and his answer that time, feels like it is me who wrote that and Dr. i talking back at me. That's what we are here at ACT, sometimes we identify with other members as if we're him or her. I somewhat identify with Bruce, as his inner thoughts and struggles seem to echo mine...

I had a new medication for almost a month now, and it seems to be working like the fantasy med (NZT 74) in the movie "Unlimitted". My mind is quiter now and there is some calmess and certainty inside me. I am hoping it carries on, but in my life in treatment for the last 35 years, my body (mind) over runs effectivenss of the meds, until I get a new type....

Good luck to us all...

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, September 11, 2011 7:28 AMSubject: Re: Commitment

hi deflef:-)i am not sure if my reply will be of any help to ya at all, but i can sorta relate to u.As far as therapists, and how much they can legally offer support outside of the assigned therapy session, it all varies (i believe). Some r excellent with during- therapy- contact via emails , and post termintaion contact, just to be able to continue giving theraputic advice, and some aren't. But a support group like this one could be a good place for u to seek support, advice and make some close freinds with people who understand u as they themselves go though some of the same struggles as u. Also a close frined, WHOM U CAN TRUST, would be someone good to confide in, at times when u just want someone to listen to u, and motsly be non-judgemental. I have a lotta family members, and freinds from my community (muslim) as well as outside of my community (who confide in me), many of whom actually seek professional help (theapists)

however still find it difficult to completely open up to their therapists becoz of not being able to feel a bond, connection with em, becoz of having a very formal and professional relationship with em. I have felt the same with a lotta therapists here, where I live. I just read their lawd and code of ethics a couple days back, as I was asking the same questions my friends brought up, to my x-therapist here in cali, and after having read all the laws, while I sorta get it, to me it still seems extremely strict and rigid and to tell ya the truth I myself don't understand how one can help people without truly connecting/bonding with them. as far as myself, i have a great difficulty confiding in people in general, for many reasons, one is, all of my family members, close freinds, from my community and outside, confide in me and i just can't get myself to open up to those who seek my support. My social anxiety, as a result of racsim and

prejudice, is something i can open up about here and at therapies. However others issues which coz me much depression, i still struggle with on my own.This group is full of people with incredible knowledge about ACT. Theres a lotta amazing posts u will get to read here. I have found em very inspiring and helpful. If opening up is not as much of an issue, then u could benefit a lot from the wonderful people here, including the therapists here:-)I havta run deflef, i havta take my boyz to the beach, they really need to let their energy out:-). hope my email was of some help.take care...wasalaam:-)>> Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to> therapists, or those

committing to helping those troubled individuals> who clamor for their help.> > Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it> something more than that?> > I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this> list, so some feedback would be appreciated.> > The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is> available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more> than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email> message.> > I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my> seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props,> at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know> if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible> words from someone who understands - something

to help me be with> myself.> > Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much> appreciated.> > > Regards,> > Detlef>

September 12, 2011

Thanks for sharing your experiences, . Sounds like you had some undesirable situations with some of your past therapists. I agree, you should be apprised of extra fees up front and not confronted for payment at the beginning of a session. But they are human, too, and don't always handle things as appropriately as they could, perhaps, or how we would like them to. I have simply come to not expect anything but professional guidance in session with a therapist. Allowing emergency phone calls is a plus, but I can see how that could really be disruptive to a therapist's life if she/he has a lot of patients, and some patients might have daily emergencies! A true emergency would consist of a suicide attempt, and that would best be handled by dialing 911, I think, who would then contact your therapist for you. I have called 911 for that reason in the long-distant past.

Many years ago, I had a very friendly therapist who told me I could call him at home at any time of the day or night (this was before the existence of cell phones or even the internet). One time, weeks later, I called him early on Saturday evening. He was very distant and acted like I was really annoying him. When he saw me in our next session, he chastised me for calling him when he was in the middle of a party at his house. Later that week, I found out that he had made advances to one of my co-workers who was also seeing him. Of course, I never saw him again after learning that. Shortly after that, my co-worker committed suicide.

So, there are some bad seeds in the field, but I believe that the good ones outnumber the bad or misguided. I believe that therapists need to set boundaries with their clients; it is probably critical to the success of the therapy, in fact.

I hope all goes well with your new medication and that it will continue to work for you. Bipolar can be a bear and I know people who just cannot manage to live their lives with that condition without some medication.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 10:26:04 PMSubject: Re: Re: Commitment