Re: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

July 1, 2011

Hi BillYou've articulated a question that I think was brimming within me. Everything within ACT seems to feel like it needs a delicate touch, with a swing like Ernie Els where he got most distance when he only put 75% of effort into his drive. If he tried for 100%, it would all go wrong. Similarly, when I try to approach acceptance directly, my efforts seem to unravel. But doing the ACT exercises with an open mind, watching our for signs of acceptance, without expecting them, seems to work a bit better.But of course, if you are doing ACT exercises, it is hard to be expecting and hoping for it to "work".I'm a brute force man. I'm linear. As I alluded to in my last post, sometimes I think "f**k it, just do it" which works on the values front, but to be honest doesn't help with suffering, because I'm not

accepting the emotions.I hope or another professional finds time to reply to this. x

Subject: RE: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

To: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Date: Friday, 1 July, 2011, 0:28

Study those chapters in GOOYMAIYL. Your understanding of ACCEPTANCE is incorrect. Look at the word ACCEPTANCE with a beginners mind, as if you never heard the word before, using GOOYMAIYL or THT as your guide.

Accepting something does not mean liking it. It means making room for it because it isn't going away. With respect to the uninvited aunt at your party: she's there and is not leaving. You can struggle with her presence and make yourself and your guests miserable. Or you can go about enjoying the party without regard to her presence. You get to choose. The party is your life. The aunt is your anxiety, or your ___________.

I'm confused about your last sentence. There's nothing wrong with you reacting to a perceived fearful stimuli, as long as your

reaction is useful to living a valued life.Once you master acceptance you may find that it was the struggle that was causing most of the suffering, not the thing you were struggling with. That's why it's a good idea to accept what you can't change because the struggle just makes it worse.

This may not be pure ACT but it is my experience: there are two kinds of acceptance. 1) just keep moving towards your values. 2) look at what needs to be accepted with curiosity, not dread or fear. A nice balance between 1 and 2 works well for me, most of the time.

Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > From: vcferrara@...

> Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:21:11 +0000> Subject: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > Thanks Bill, my problem has always been that it's

so hard for me to accept, because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, or that if I do, I failed.> > I see that these are just beliefs with no basis in reality, yet it is still dug in there

> > Something would be wrong with me if I didn't react to a perceived fearful stimuli...and I would be succeeding if I accepted it > > > > > >

> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > The Happiness Trap suggests that EXPANSION/ACCEPTANCE is the ACT core process to use for panic attacks. See chapter 11, The Struggle Switch, especially the last 5 paragraphs and chapter 20, If You're Breathing, You're Alive. I would try "Notice Five Things" as well, in chapter 17, page 129 in my version.

> > > > > >

Bill> > > > > > > > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > > > > From: vcferrara@

> > > > > > > Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:52:35 +0000> > > > > > > Subject: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Taking a flight tomorrow, which I have only done once since I had a panic attack on one right after my father passed away. Well, I had to get off the plane before it took off because I was so scared of having a panic attack on the plane, and being trapped. This was the second panic attack I had that week, with the first being the first one ever. Which was initiated from my father dying unexpectedly from a heart condition/attack, and me becoming super focused and aware of my heart, and it snowballed.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I took a flight 5 years later, and experienced much anticipatory anxiety, but the once I got on, the flight was a breeze. I haven't done it since, been another 5 years, so there is a lot of anticipatory anxiety. Most of it, again, being, not wanting to fear, get anxious, etc...

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any advice would be welcome> > > > > > > > > > > > > > With love,> > > > > > > vc

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links

> > > >

> > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------

> > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > > > > > > > >> >> > > >

> ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> unsubscribe by sending an email to >

ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/

> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest

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July 3, 2011

i ve been trying to unsubscribe at this wonderful online group due to my busy schedule but still i receive loads of act members!

I sent messages to the proper e-mail address to be removed without getting nowhere, can anyone explain me why?

thank you

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 1 July 2011, 6:33Subject: Re: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

I used to have panic attacks getting on planes ... I'd getso freaked out I would literally throw up (adding greatly to the aversiveness of the whole thing)The suggestions being offered are helpfulbut be careful about working too hard at any of thisbecause the deep background of any effortful andenergetic series of steps likely will be an agenda, such as "and then you can handle it"or even worse "and then it won't be so frightening."Then you will spend the flight seeing if you accomplished it("am I handling it?" or "I'm still feeling anxious!" etc).That will constantly pump struggle intowhat after all is a rather simple series of behavioral steps:walk on the plane, sit down and ride.The key is the agenda, the purpose, the metric.Let the goals be this: being present, treating yourselfwith kindness, and traveling. You have said that acceptance is a problem becausethen you

think there is something wrong with you ....but that is just a thought. Your mind will think lots of thing.If it says there is something wrong with you here is an image thatmay help with the posture you need in that moment.To get a sense of the purpose of these methods so that advice you are being givencan be used safely:Imagine yourself as a very young age -- ideal an age whenyou can remember feeling vulnerable (e.g., things like frightened; alone; inadequate;unsafe; sad; etc). In imagination put that child in front of you and put these self criticalwords in the childs' mouth. If you feel fear, see the fear in the childIf you were in that situation would you treat the child with kindness?Would you listen? Would you tell the child to withdraw from the worldand run from the fears?My guess is you would balance awareness and compassion with support for healthy actionsUse these ACT

methods to do that- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost starts at a dollar.If you are

a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

Hi vcMy experience with acceptance is that you can very easily over-reach for it. You can end up looking for it too hard, trying expansion and noticing over-and-over and wondering when acceptance will come etc. Finding acceptance actually became the struggle for me. When in doubt, try to work out what your values say you should do, close your eyes, and floor the accelerator in that direction. You can't change the scenery, only what direction you are driving in.Everything else in ACT is pretty window-dressing.Presumably you are flying for a reason: whatever you are doing on the other side, well done, and enjoy! x

Subject: RE: Re: Advice for the anxious plane travelerTo: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Date: Friday, 1 July, 2011, 0:28

Study those chapters in GOOYMAIYL. Your understanding of ACCEPTANCE is incorrect. Look at the word ACCEPTANCE with a beginners mind, as if you never heard the word before, using GOOYMAIYL or THT as your guide.

Accepting something does not mean liking it. It means making room for it because it isn't going away. With respect to the uninvited aunt at your party: she's there and is not leaving. You can struggle with her presence and make yourself and your guests miserable. Or you can go about enjoying the party without regard to her presence. You get to choose. The party is your life. The aunt is your anxiety, or your ___________.

I'm confused about your last sentence. There's nothing wrong with you reacting to a perceived fearful stimuli, as long as your reaction is useful to living a valued life.

Once you master acceptance you may find that it was the struggle that was causing most of the suffering, not the thing you were struggling with. That's why it's a good idea to accept what you can't change because the struggle just makes it worse.

This may not be pure ACT but it is my experience: there are two kinds of acceptance. 1) just keep moving towards your values. 2) look at what needs to be accepted with curiosity, not dread or fear. A nice balance between 1 and 2 works well for me, most of the time.

Bill

> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:21:11 +0000> Subject: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > Thanks Bill, my problem has always been that it's so hard for me to accept, because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, or that if I do, I failed.> > I see that these are just beliefs with no basis in reality, yet it is still dug in there> > Something would be wrong with me if I didn't react to a perceived fearful stimuli...and I would be succeeding if I accepted it > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > The Happiness Trap suggests that EXPANSION/ACCEPTANCE is the

ACT core process to use for panic attacks. See chapter 11, The Struggle Switch, especially the last 5 paragraphs and chapter 20, If You're Breathing, You're Alive. I would try "Notice Five Things" as well, in chapter 17, page 129 in my version.> > > > > > Bill> > > > > > > > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > > > > From: vcferrara@> > > > > > > Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:52:35 +0000> > > > > > > Subject: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Taking a flight tomorrow, which I have only done once since I had a panic attack on one right after my father passed

away. Well, I had to get off the plane before it took off because I was so scared of having a panic attack on the plane, and being trapped. This was the second panic attack I had that week, with the first being the first one ever. Which was initiated from my father dying unexpectedly from a heart condition/attack, and me becoming super focused and aware of my heart, and it snowballed.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > I took a flight 5 years later, and experienced much anticipatory anxiety, but the once I got on, the flight was a breeze. I haven't done it since, been another 5 years, so there is a lot of anticipatory anxiety. Most of it, again, being, not wanting to fear, get anxious, etc...> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any advice would be welcome> > > > > > > > > > > > > > With love,> > > >

> > > vc> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > > > > > > > >> >> > > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

July 3, 2011

i ve been trying to unsubscribe at this wonderful online group due to my busy schedule but still i receive loads of act members!

I sent messages to the proper e-mail address to be removed without getting nowhere, can anyone explain me why?

thank you

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 1 July 2011, 6:33Subject: Re: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

I used to have panic attacks getting on planes ... I'd getso freaked out I would literally throw up (adding greatly to the aversiveness of the whole thing)The suggestions being offered are helpfulbut be careful about working too hard at any of thisbecause the deep background of any effortful andenergetic series of steps likely will be an agenda, such as "and then you can handle it"or even worse "and then it won't be so frightening."Then you will spend the flight seeing if you accomplished it("am I handling it?" or "I'm still feeling anxious!" etc).That will constantly pump struggle intowhat after all is a rather simple series of behavioral steps:walk on the plane, sit down and ride.The key is the agenda, the purpose, the metric.Let the goals be this: being present, treating yourselfwith kindness, and traveling. You have said that acceptance is a problem becausethen you

think there is something wrong with you ....but that is just a thought. Your mind will think lots of thing.If it says there is something wrong with you here is an image thatmay help with the posture you need in that moment.To get a sense of the purpose of these methods so that advice you are being givencan be used safely:Imagine yourself as a very young age -- ideal an age whenyou can remember feeling vulnerable (e.g., things like frightened; alone; inadequate;unsafe; sad; etc). In imagination put that child in front of you and put these self criticalwords in the childs' mouth. If you feel fear, see the fear in the childIf you were in that situation would you treat the child with kindness?Would you listen? Would you tell the child to withdraw from the worldand run from the fears?My guess is you would balance awareness and compassion with support for healthy actionsUse these ACT

methods to do that- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost starts at a dollar.If you are

a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

Hi vcMy experience with acceptance is that you can very easily over-reach for it. You can end up looking for it too hard, trying expansion and noticing over-and-over and wondering when acceptance will come etc. Finding acceptance actually became the struggle for me. When in doubt, try to work out what your values say you should do, close your eyes, and floor the accelerator in that direction. You can't change the scenery, only what direction you are driving in.Everything else in ACT is pretty window-dressing.Presumably you are flying for a reason: whatever you are doing on the other side, well done, and enjoy! x

Subject: RE: Re: Advice for the anxious plane travelerTo: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Date: Friday, 1 July, 2011, 0:28

Study those chapters in GOOYMAIYL. Your understanding of ACCEPTANCE is incorrect. Look at the word ACCEPTANCE with a beginners mind, as if you never heard the word before, using GOOYMAIYL or THT as your guide.

Accepting something does not mean liking it. It means making room for it because it isn't going away. With respect to the uninvited aunt at your party: she's there and is not leaving. You can struggle with her presence and make yourself and your guests miserable. Or you can go about enjoying the party without regard to her presence. You get to choose. The party is your life. The aunt is your anxiety, or your ___________.

I'm confused about your last sentence. There's nothing wrong with you reacting to a perceived fearful stimuli, as long as your reaction is useful to living a valued life.

Once you master acceptance you may find that it was the struggle that was causing most of the suffering, not the thing you were struggling with. That's why it's a good idea to accept what you can't change because the struggle just makes it worse.

This may not be pure ACT but it is my experience: there are two kinds of acceptance. 1) just keep moving towards your values. 2) look at what needs to be accepted with curiosity, not dread or fear. A nice balance between 1 and 2 works well for me, most of the time.

Bill

> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:21:11 +0000> Subject: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > Thanks Bill, my problem has always been that it's so hard for me to accept, because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, or that if I do, I failed.> > I see that these are just beliefs with no basis in reality, yet it is still dug in there> > Something would be wrong with me if I didn't react to a perceived fearful stimuli...and I would be succeeding if I accepted it > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > The Happiness Trap suggests that EXPANSION/ACCEPTANCE is the

ACT core process to use for panic attacks. See chapter 11, The Struggle Switch, especially the last 5 paragraphs and chapter 20, If You're Breathing, You're Alive. I would try "Notice Five Things" as well, in chapter 17, page 129 in my version.> > > > > > Bill> > > > > > > > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > > > > From: vcferrara@> > > > > > > Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:52:35 +0000> > > > > > > Subject: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Taking a flight tomorrow, which I have only done once since I had a panic attack on one right after my father passed

away. Well, I had to get off the plane before it took off because I was so scared of having a panic attack on the plane, and being trapped. This was the second panic attack I had that week, with the first being the first one ever. Which was initiated from my father dying unexpectedly from a heart condition/attack, and me becoming super focused and aware of my heart, and it snowballed.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > I took a flight 5 years later, and experienced much anticipatory anxiety, but the once I got on, the flight was a breeze. I haven't done it since, been another 5 years, so there is a lot of anticipatory anxiety. Most of it, again, being, not wanting to fear, get anxious, etc...> > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any advice would be welcome> > > > > > > > > > > > > > With love,> > > >

> > > vc> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > > > > > > > >> >> > > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

July 3, 2011

I wish I could put it into a verbal rule ... but I'm afraidthis is indeed like a golf swing. You learn by experience.Not to worry -- life itself will begin to make the adjustments reasonably quickly if you get out of your own way.

Babies fall down approximately 200 times while learning to walk.Adults want to learn to walk without falling.I wonder: Which one is the more efficient learner?- S C.

Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind

Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site:

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes

or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost starts at a dollar.

If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf'>http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

Hi - Your post raises a question I've had about ACT for quite some time - what is the optimal effort to expend on using ACT? Your post cautions " be careful about working too hard at any of this ... " How hard is too hard and how will we know we are at that point?

Your story about throwing up; 's about hiding in the closet and many others, including my own story, describe what it was like " before ACT. " I went through a " brute force " stage, figured out that wasn't going to work and then found the optimal effort for me. But it seems like I had to go through the " brute force " stage to get going and then back off to find the optimum. To not work too hard is to not work hard enough!

Is it common for people to go through the " brute force " stage before finding the optimum? Is there a tipping point of effort? Is there a way to avoid that stage and still get going? Were you not available I would answer my questions with something about workability. But that comes with a fair amount of experimentation with the risk of working too hard.

Thank you for throwing us amateur helpers a life ring just when we need it.

BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public

From: stevenchayes@...Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 22:33:34 -0700Subject: Re: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

I used to have panic attacks getting on planes ... I'd getso freaked out I would literally throw up (adding greatly to the aversiveness of the whole thing)

The suggestions being offered are helpfulbut be careful about working too hard at any of this

because the deep background of any effortful andenergetic series of steps likely will be an agenda, such as " and then you can handle it " or even worse " and then it won't be so frightening. "

Then you will spend the flight seeing if you accomplished it( " am I handling it? " or " I'm still feeling anxious! " etc).That will constantly pump struggle into

what after all is a rather simple series of behavioral steps:

walk on the plane, sit down and ride.The key is the agenda, the purpose, the metric.Let the goals be this: being present, treating yourselfwith kindness, and traveling.

You have said that acceptance is a problem because

then you think there is something wrong with you ....but that is just a thought. Your mind will think lots of thing.If it says there is something wrong with you here is an image that

may help with the posture you need in that moment.

To get a sense of the purpose of these methods so that advice you are being givencan be used safely:Imagine yourself as a very young age -- ideal an age when

you can remember feeling vulnerable (e.g., things like frightened; alone; inadequate;

unsafe; sad; etc). In imagination put that child in front of you and put these self criticalwords in the childs' mouth. If you feel fear, see the fear in the childIf you were in that situation would you treat the child with kindness?

Would you listen? Would you tell the child to withdraw from the worldand run from the fears?My guess is you would balance awareness and compassion with support for healthy actions

Use these ACT methods to do that

- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing "

hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department:

Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be):

Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind

Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd

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Hi vcMy experience with acceptance is that you can very easily over-reach for it. You can end up looking for it too hard, trying expansion and noticing over-and-over and wondering when acceptance will come etc. Finding acceptance actually became the struggle for me.

When in doubt, try to work out what your values say you should do, close your eyes, and floor the accelerator in that direction. You can't change the scenery, only what direction you are driving in.Everything else in ACT is pretty window-dressing.

Presumably you are flying for a reason: whatever you are doing on the other side, well done, and enjoy! x

Subject: RE: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <act_for_the_public >Date: Friday, 1 July, 2011, 0:28

Study those chapters in GOOYMAIYL. Your understanding of ACCEPTANCE is incorrect. Look at the word ACCEPTANCE with a beginners mind, as if you never heard the word before, using GOOYMAIYL or THT as your guide.

Accepting something does not mean liking it. It means making room for it because it isn't going away. With respect to the uninvited aunt at your party: she's there and is not leaving. You can struggle with her presence and make yourself and your guests miserable. Or you can go about enjoying the party without regard to her presence. You get to choose. The party is your life. The aunt is your anxiety, or your ___________.

I'm confused about your last sentence. There's nothing wrong with you reacting to a perceived fearful stimuli, as long as your

reaction is useful to living a valued life.Once you master acceptance you may find that it was the struggle that was causing most of the suffering, not the thing you were struggling with. That's why it's a good idea to accept what you can't change because the struggle just makes it worse.

This may not be pure ACT but it is my experience: there are two kinds of acceptance. 1) just keep moving towards your values. 2) look at what needs to be accepted with curiosity, not dread or fear. A nice balance between 1 and 2 works well for me, most of the time.

Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > From: vcferrara@...

> Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:21:11 +0000> Subject: Re: Advice for the anxious plane traveler> > Thanks Bill, my problem has always been that it's

so hard for me to accept, because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, or that if I do, I failed.> > I see that these are just beliefs with no basis in reality, yet it is still dug in there

> > Something would be wrong with me if I didn't react to a perceived fearful stimuli...and I would be succeeding if I accepted it > > > > > >

> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > The Happiness Trap suggests that EXPANSION/ACCEPTANCE is the ACT core process to use for panic attacks. See chapter 11, The Struggle Switch, especially the last 5 paragraphs and chapter 20, If You're Breathing, You're Alive. I would try " Notice Five Things " as well, in chapter 17, page 129 in my version.