Re: When you're around unhappy & moody people

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the reply Soozy - I'm leaving it all below because it's full of good

thoughts.

Specifically, I'm talking about my mother and it's a daily problem for me - she

has bad

osteoarthritic pain, stomach pain etc and her moods are affected almost every

day ......a

lot of the time I'm OK, but sometimes it gets to me. Because I'm struggling

with health

problems myself (pain, fatigue, hunger etc) the slightest psychological

" trigger " then

dampens my mood. I don't have any thoughts that I'm aware of ........

Plus I have a habit of suggesting ways for her to do things etc which she hates

and she

then yells and yells at me. Unfortunately I haven't learnt to " shut up " and not

make the

suggestions/tell her what to do ..... and this happens every 3-4 days I suppose.

I do

have " thoughts " in these situations and they are things like " stop yelling " or

" but I only

wanted to help " etc.......

And when I said that I wanted to do something that I enjoyed - well, that's my

coping

strategy in certain situations ........ not all the time but sometimes. Like

picking up a

good magazine or book, or some sewing that I really enjoy doing ........

Does this make sense? Is there anything I can do or change?

Thanks

iolanda

> Hi Iolanda,

>

> If anything like this happens to me and yes it does happen sometimes with my

husband whom I rely on as a rock when I am down I definitely have some thoughts!

Such as " Why does this have to happen, doesn't he know how much I rely on him to

be cheerful? How can I cope when others around me are down. Shouldn't I be able

to cheer him up - after all he's so rarely down or anyway he manages to hide it

very well usually. Or It must be my fault he's in a mood/unhappy. "

>

> I don't know but I wonder if you did have some thoughts but aren't aware of

them? Thoughts that prompted you to write to this forum, for example? Even I

must be doing something wrong if I allow myself to be affected by someone else's

mood?

>

> To me it just seems what you would expect to happen unless you are somehow

shielded from what is going on around you and " untouchable " .

>

> The other possible thought (and these are obviously just possibilities) is

that you are somehow thinking your emotions shouldn't change according to the

situation or you think it is a good idea to do things you enjoy not for their

own sake but in order to get rid of negative emotions?

>

> Not sure whether you can relate to any of this?

>

> S.

[Guest guest]

I've heard it said the " hell is other people " lol

But alas that is the challenge of life to form relationships

and interactions with other humans.

And I certainly struggle with this myself and feel other peoples pain,

anger and I even often get resentments against other people.

But I find something to aspire to is compassion for someone who is suffering

from a bad mood.

Compassion shifts your own mental state and puts me in more of a loving, caring

state of mind.

But believe me, it's easier said than done!!!!!!

Take care.

>

>

>

> >To: ACT <ACT_for_the_Public >

> >Sent: Saturday, 2 July 2011, 12:20

> >Subject: When you're around unhappy & moody people

> >

> >

> > 

> >I've a question ..... It's not a traditional " thoughts " issue

> >

> >If someone around you is in a bad mood, the actual mood can often transfer to

you. And

> >it's worse if it happens regularly.

> >

> >This happened to me today and luckily I realised pretty soon but I couldn't

change my mood

> >....... I couldn't defuse it because it wasn't something that I was

" thinking " ..... it

> >was something I was just feeling.

> >

> >I tried doing things that I enjoyed but obviously they weren't enjoyable

enough .......

> >

> >What are you supposed to do in these circumstances?

> >

> >Thanks everyone

>

> Hi Iolanda,

>  

> If anything like this happens to me and yes it does happen sometimes with my

husband whom I rely on as a rock when I am down I definitely have some thoughts!

Such as " Why does this have to happen, doesn't he know how much I rely on him to

be cheerful? How can I cope when others around me are down. Shouldn't I be able

to cheer him up - after all he's so rarely down or anyway he manages to hide it

very well usually. Or It must be my fault he's in a mood/unhappy. "

>  

> I don't know but I wonder if you did have some thoughts but aren't aware of

them? Thoughts that prompted you to write to this forum, for example? Even I

must be doing something wrong if I allow myself to be affected by someone else's

mood?

>  

> To me it just seems what you would expect to happen unless you are somehow

shielded from what is going on around you and " untouchable " .

>  

> The other possible thought (and these are obviously just possibilities) is

that you are somehow thinking your emotions shouldn't change according to the

situation or you think it is a good idea to do things you enjoy not for their

own sake but in order to get rid of negative emotions?

>  

> Not sure whether you can relate to any of this?

>  

> S.

>

[Guest guest]

I've heard it said the " hell is other people " lol

But alas that is the challenge of life to form relationships

and interactions with other humans.

And I certainly struggle with this myself and feel other peoples pain,

anger and I even often get resentments against other people.

But I find something to aspire to is compassion for someone who is suffering

from a bad mood.

Compassion shifts your own mental state and puts me in more of a loving, caring

state of mind.

But believe me, it's easier said than done!!!!!!

Take care.

>

>

>

> >To: ACT <ACT_for_the_Public >

> >Sent: Saturday, 2 July 2011, 12:20

> >Subject: When you're around unhappy & moody people

> >

> >

> > 

> >I've a question ..... It's not a traditional " thoughts " issue

> >

> >If someone around you is in a bad mood, the actual mood can often transfer to

you. And

> >it's worse if it happens regularly.

> >

> >This happened to me today and luckily I realised pretty soon but I couldn't

change my mood

> >....... I couldn't defuse it because it wasn't something that I was

" thinking " ..... it

> >was something I was just feeling.

> >

> >I tried doing things that I enjoyed but obviously they weren't enjoyable

enough .......

> >

> >What are you supposed to do in these circumstances?

> >

> >Thanks everyone

>

> Hi Iolanda,

>  

> If anything like this happens to me and yes it does happen sometimes with my

husband whom I rely on as a rock when I am down I definitely have some thoughts!

Such as " Why does this have to happen, doesn't he know how much I rely on him to

be cheerful? How can I cope when others around me are down. Shouldn't I be able

to cheer him up - after all he's so rarely down or anyway he manages to hide it

very well usually. Or It must be my fault he's in a mood/unhappy. "

>  

> I don't know but I wonder if you did have some thoughts but aren't aware of

them? Thoughts that prompted you to write to this forum, for example? Even I

must be doing something wrong if I allow myself to be affected by someone else's

mood?

>  

> To me it just seems what you would expect to happen unless you are somehow

shielded from what is going on around you and " untouchable " .

>  

> The other possible thought (and these are obviously just possibilities) is

that you are somehow thinking your emotions shouldn't change according to the

situation or you think it is a good idea to do things you enjoy not for their

own sake but in order to get rid of negative emotions?

>  

> Not sure whether you can relate to any of this?

>  

> S.

>