Re: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

[Guest guest]

Hi Marty,

You asked "By stating it in a more primary, personal way it is really stated as a -want, desire, wish- which need not be acted on .... is that correct. Does that mean it is stated in a more defused way?"

Well sort of, but not exactly. You do need to take action toward your values, but the value itself is not an action. Values are stated in a more general way than in a specific way. Goals and actions in service of that value are specific. A value is an expression of what is important to you in your life, and the words you use to state your values should be more about how you want to "be" rather than what you need to "do".

Value: I want to be physically healthy

Actions (to do): Eat healthy foods in reasonable quantities, exercise, join a weight loss plan (if needed), etc.

To give you an example from my life: Before I found ACT, I was lonely and depressed and I was not doing anything to change that. After spending ten years with an abusive boyfriend, I had given up trying to make new friends or stay in touch with old ones, choosing instead to settle into isolation and loneliness. But that wasn't working so well for me; it was causing me to wallow in almost intolerable depression. So, when I discovered ACT, I first learned that I could accept my depression without letting my mind tell me I was a loser who couldn't make friends. Then I could determine what my values were and what actions I could take to live according to my values. I could attend social functions, join a book discussion club, invite my neighbors over for coffee, etc. All those actions were things I could DO in service of the underlying value, which, I discovered, was "connection with others."

In your case, ask yourself what moderating your food intake is in service of for you. Do you desire to be physically healthy, and is your weight or your food intake getting in the way of that value? I'm just guessing because you didn't say why you wanted to practice food moderation. And once you state the core value in more general terms, there are probably lots of other specific actions you can take, besides moderation, that will serve that value.

"Also what about the pain part, if it does come up ... how do I experience pain and yet still have defusion?"

When you experience pain - and in this case, I assume it is emotional pain from not eating all the food you want - you may not be able to defuse from that so much as to just allow it to be there; accept it in the moment. "It's OK if I am feeling discomfort right now because I am choosing to not overeat. I will make room for the pain and not fight it. I do this in honor of my value to < fill in the blanks >; for example, in honor of my value to be physically healthy, if that's what it is. Once you get a few sessions like this under your belt, you may find that the discomfort will diminish, but that is not the goal - resistance to anything only reinforces it. You may find that as you live according to your values, you can allow pain to just be there when it comes and you don't need to suffer.

I hope this is helpful. I'm sorry it has taken so many words to give you my answer!Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 5:00:58 PMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

Hi Helena, that is very helpful. By stating it in a more primary, personal way it is really stated as a -want, desire, wish- which need not be acted on .... is that correct. Does that mean it is stated in a more defused way? .... Also what about the pain part, if it does come up ... how do I experience pain and yet still have defusion?Thanks so much from a beginner,Marty>> > > I wanted to add something that seems important to me when it comes to the words we use for values vs. the actions we take or goals we set up in service of our values. > >  > > To use Marty's example, if you say "moderation with food" is a value, then I think you may be setting yourself up for a feeling of failing at your values since you may not accomplish moderation every time you eat. Have you failed at your value then? I don't think so; I think the value was mis-named. By naming it for what it really is, e.g., "physical health" you may make many mistakes in service of that value, but you have not failed in your values work. You can't fail at having a value (although they can change over time). You can make mistakes in the actions you take or don't take in service of your values, but you cannot fail at your values work unless you do NOTHING. Missteps and mistakes are human and are not indicative of failure! > >  > > That is why, to me, it is important to differentiate between the words you use for values vs. goals. Does that make sense? > > Helena > > > Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain > >  > > > > > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than fusion. > > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process - look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a defused manner. > > Marty K>

[Guest guest]

Hi Marty,

You asked "By stating it in a more primary, personal way it is really stated as a -want, desire, wish- which need not be acted on .... is that correct. Does that mean it is stated in a more defused way?"

Well sort of, but not exactly. You do need to take action toward your values, but the value itself is not an action. Values are stated in a more general way than in a specific way. Goals and actions in service of that value are specific. A value is an expression of what is important to you in your life, and the words you use to state your values should be more about how you want to "be" rather than what you need to "do".

Value: I want to be physically healthy

Actions (to do): Eat healthy foods in reasonable quantities, exercise, join a weight loss plan (if needed), etc.

To give you an example from my life: Before I found ACT, I was lonely and depressed and I was not doing anything to change that. After spending ten years with an abusive boyfriend, I had given up trying to make new friends or stay in touch with old ones, choosing instead to settle into isolation and loneliness. But that wasn't working so well for me; it was causing me to wallow in almost intolerable depression. So, when I discovered ACT, I first learned that I could accept my depression without letting my mind tell me I was a loser who couldn't make friends. Then I could determine what my values were and what actions I could take to live according to my values. I could attend social functions, join a book discussion club, invite my neighbors over for coffee, etc. All those actions were things I could DO in service of the underlying value, which, I discovered, was "connection with others."

In your case, ask yourself what moderating your food intake is in service of for you. Do you desire to be physically healthy, and is your weight or your food intake getting in the way of that value? I'm just guessing because you didn't say why you wanted to practice food moderation. And once you state the core value in more general terms, there are probably lots of other specific actions you can take, besides moderation, that will serve that value.

"Also what about the pain part, if it does come up ... how do I experience pain and yet still have defusion?"

When you experience pain - and in this case, I assume it is emotional pain from not eating all the food you want - you may not be able to defuse from that so much as to just allow it to be there; accept it in the moment. "It's OK if I am feeling discomfort right now because I am choosing to not overeat. I will make room for the pain and not fight it. I do this in honor of my value to < fill in the blanks >; for example, in honor of my value to be physically healthy, if that's what it is. Once you get a few sessions like this under your belt, you may find that the discomfort will diminish, but that is not the goal - resistance to anything only reinforces it. You may find that as you live according to your values, you can allow pain to just be there when it comes and you don't need to suffer.

I hope this is helpful. I'm sorry it has taken so many words to give you my answer!Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 5:00:58 PMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

Hi Helena, that is very helpful. By stating it in a more primary, personal way it is really stated as a -want, desire, wish- which need not be acted on .... is that correct. Does that mean it is stated in a more defused way? .... Also what about the pain part, if it does come up ... how do I experience pain and yet still have defusion?Thanks so much from a beginner,Marty>> > > I wanted to add something that seems important to me when it comes to the words we use for values vs. the actions we take or goals we set up in service of our values. > >  > > To use Marty's example, if you say "moderation with food" is a value, then I think you may be setting yourself up for a feeling of failing at your values since you may not accomplish moderation every time you eat. Have you failed at your value then? I don't think so; I think the value was mis-named. By naming it for what it really is, e.g., "physical health" you may make many mistakes in service of that value, but you have not failed in your values work. You can't fail at having a value (although they can change over time). You can make mistakes in the actions you take or don't take in service of your values, but you cannot fail at your values work unless you do NOTHING. Missteps and mistakes are human and are not indicative of failure! > >  > > That is why, to me, it is important to differentiate between the words you use for values vs. goals. Does that make sense? > > Helena > > > Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain > >  > > > > > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than fusion. > > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process - look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a defused manner. > > Marty K>

[Guest guest]

Sounds great, Marty!

Just one caution: making "being happy" a value may not be attainable - have you read The Happiness Trap by Russ ? If not, it is strongly suggested ... not that you have to read all the ACT books right away or at the same time, but that one provides a very strong foundation for someone new to ACT and is a rather easy one to read and understand.

Best to you!Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 10:02:47 PMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

Helena, ,You have both been very helpful ... thank you ....You have expressed what I intuit but was not ready to fullyunderstand or express.In order to be more healthy and happy (value) I will read one of the books on ACT and Eating (Goal) .... I will start by reading with full effort at least one chapter in the first week. so there! > > > > > > > > I wanted to add something that seems important to me when it comes to the words we use for values vs. the actions we take or goals we set up in service of our values. > > > >  > > > > To use Marty's example, if you say "moderation with food" is a value, then I think you may be setting yourself up for a feeling of failing at your values since you may not accomplish moderation every time you eat. Have you failed at your value then? I don't think so; I think the value was mis-named. By naming it for what it really is, e.g., "physical health" you may make many mistakes in service of that value, but you have not failed in your values work. You can't fail at having a value (although they can change over time). You can make mistakes in the actions you take or don't take in service of your values, but you cannot fail at your values work unless you do NOTHING. Missteps and mistakes are human and are not indicative of failure! > > > >  > > > > That is why, to me, it is important to differentiate between the words you use for values vs. goals. Does that make sense? > > > > Helena > > > > > > Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than fusion. > > > > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process - look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a defused manner. > > > > Marty K > >>

[Guest guest]

Also, I detected a mis-speak on my part. Instead of saying "I want to be physically healthy" as a value, which implies wanting something, it would have been better to say "I value being physically healthy." That expresses the value more correctly since anyone could say they want health without making it a value in their life. Subtle but important distinction. You can want and want and want, but until you take action becuase you have stated it as a value in your life, nothing will happen. I know this sounds like getting hung up on words, but sometimes the right words add clarity.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, September 23, 2011 6:04:46 AMSubject: Re: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

Sounds great, Marty!

Just one caution: making "being happy" a value may not be attainable - have you read The Happiness Trap by Russ ? If not, it is strongly suggested ... not that you have to read all the ACT books right away or at the same time, but that one provides a very strong foundation for someone new to ACT and is a rather easy one to read and understand.

Best to you!Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2011 10:02:47 PMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

Helena, ,You have both been very helpful ... thank you ....You have expressed what I intuit but was not ready to fullyunderstand or express.In order to be more healthy and happy (value) I will read one of the books on ACT and Eating (Goal) .... I will start by reading with full effort at least one chapter in the first week. so there! > > > > > > > > I wanted to add something that seems important to me when it comes to the words we use for values vs. the actions we take or goals we set up in service of our values. > > > >  > > > > To use Marty's example, if you say "moderation with food" is a value, then I think you may be setting yourself up for a feeling of failing at your values since you may not accomplish moderation every time you eat. Have you failed at your value then? I don't think so; I think the value was mis-named. By naming it for what it really is, e.g., "physical health" you may make many mistakes in service of that value, but you have not failed in your values work. You can't fail at having a value (although they can change over time). You can make mistakes in the actions you take or don't take in service of your values, but you cannot fail at your values work unless you do NOTHING. Missteps and mistakes are human and are not indicative of failure! > > > >  > > > > That is why, to me, it is important to differentiate between the words you use for values vs. goals. Does that make sense? > > > > Helena > > > > > > Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than fusion. > > > > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process - look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a defused manner. > > > > Marty K > >>

[Guest guest]

I hope you enjoy that! Sounds like a nice evening...I'm working on a values list and a gratitude list. Thanks for the inspiration, !BruceTomorrow is my night off where I am allowed to be bad and I shall be have some large battered garlic mushrooms with large chips (I'm a vegan) from my local fish and chip shop - no trans fatty acids, garanteed. And my girlfriend will have fish and chips. If you ever visit England try some Cod and chips from the local 'chippy', it's amazing. After that I'm down the pub for a three pints of Fuller's London Pride (my girfriend puts the blockers on me having more -damn it!) after which I won't have a care in the world, at least for a while. With all that fat running around my body I'm finally satiated for once.I'm beggining to think my body craves fat for good reason and so perhaps I will go back to some coconut oil. It is supposed to be non fattening and is good for the arteries too, because it is the wrong type of saturated fat for cholestorol (so they say). Sounds fine to me and so I'm up for it (gullible as I am).http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/jan/15/healthandwellbeing.foodanddrinkKv --- In ACT_for_the_Public , "Kaivey" wrote:>> > I used to suffer from unbearable hunger which was caused by medication.> As the medication helped with my despair and anxiety I stuck with it> which was disasterous because the unbearble food cravings I had remained> for years after stopping the meds. In the end I managed to bring it> under control by only eating carbohydrates once a day which meant I> lived on cabbage and cheese for the rest of the time. Even broccoli> contained too much carbohydrate and would make me very ill - I could end> up staying up all night in a state of biological torture craving for> food. My reaction to the drug was extreme but I believe this was caused> by my terrible tension, stress, and anxiety.> > The dieticians at my hospital had never heard of such a thing and told> me to eat more carbs, and my doctor said he had never heard of such a> bizzarerre set of symptoms. I remained on the low carb diet for years> because if I ever straid I would go through hell, but eventually I gave> up eating cabbage or anything during the day and would only eat once in> the evening - I needed to eat all my carbs in an hour otherwise my> pancreas would over react.> > One day I got terrible acid pains and I went through hell with for> months which forced me in the end to eat some low GI carbs again during> the day. To my surprise my pancreas had reset and my extreme reaction to> carbs had healed. I still do overeat and crave fatty food but I don't go> into the that agonising hunger like I did before, which was unbearable> torture.> > As a result of my problems I learnt a lot about the body and food. Many> people with stress issues might find they are driven to overeat as this> is the body's way of ensuring you get sufficient calories in any> percieved dangerous situation becaue you might not get food for a while.> When you are in deadly danger the body loses interest in food, but in> other stressful situations the body drives you to eat.> > I have no idea what makes you want to over eat, but if stress is a part> of it rest assured it will lesson as you learn to manage stress. I hope> ACT works well for you and brings you peace of mind.> > Here's an article you might find interesting: (I do love my fatty food> which I have recently given up due to weight gain but I am suffering> more stress because of it - oh well)> Comfort-Food Cravings May Be Body's Attempt To Put Brake On Chronic> Stress> ScienceDaily (Sep. 11, 2003) — UCSF researchers have identified a> biochemical feedback system in rats that could explain why some people> crave comfort foods - such as chocolate chip cookies and greasy> cheeseburgers - when they are chronically stressed, and why such people> are apt to gain weight in the abdomen.> > The finding, to be published this week on-line in the Early Edition of> Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, focuses on a> glucocorticoid steroid hormone (corticosterone in rats, cortisol in> humans) that plays a key role in the stress-response system. In their> study, the researchers determined that 24 hours after activation of the> chronic stress system - which stimulates a flood of hormonal signaling> from the hypothalamus to the adrenal glands – glucocorticoids prompt> rats to engage in pleasure-seeking behaviors, which include eating> high-energy foods (sucrose and lard). The animals develop abdominal> obesity, and the negative aspects of the chronic stress response system,> otherwise ushered in by the glucocorticoids, are blunted. The> researchers suspect that the metabolic signal to inhibit the stress> system comes directly from fat depots.> > http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/09/030911072109.htm> <http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/09/030911072109.htm>> > Kv> > > >> > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to> eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell> myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and> not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from> willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so> strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than> fusion.> >> > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process -> look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with> food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short> term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through> lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do> it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph> I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to> make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so> painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and> again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a> defused manner.> >> > Marty K> >>

[Guest guest]

I hope you enjoy that! Sounds like a nice evening...I'm working on a values list and a gratitude list. Thanks for the inspiration, !BruceTomorrow is my night off where I am allowed to be bad and I shall be have some large battered garlic mushrooms with large chips (I'm a vegan) from my local fish and chip shop - no trans fatty acids, garanteed. And my girlfriend will have fish and chips. If you ever visit England try some Cod and chips from the local 'chippy', it's amazing. After that I'm down the pub for a three pints of Fuller's London Pride (my girfriend puts the blockers on me having more -damn it!) after which I won't have a care in the world, at least for a while. With all that fat running around my body I'm finally satiated for once.I'm beggining to think my body craves fat for good reason and so perhaps I will go back to some coconut oil. It is supposed to be non fattening and is good for the arteries too, because it is the wrong type of saturated fat for cholestorol (so they say). Sounds fine to me and so I'm up for it (gullible as I am).http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/jan/15/healthandwellbeing.foodanddrinkKv --- In ACT_for_the_Public , "Kaivey" wrote:>> > I used to suffer from unbearable hunger which was caused by medication.> As the medication helped with my despair and anxiety I stuck with it> which was disasterous because the unbearble food cravings I had remained> for years after stopping the meds. In the end I managed to bring it> under control by only eating carbohydrates once a day which meant I> lived on cabbage and cheese for the rest of the time. Even broccoli> contained too much carbohydrate and would make me very ill - I could end> up staying up all night in a state of biological torture craving for> food. My reaction to the drug was extreme but I believe this was caused> by my terrible tension, stress, and anxiety.> > The dieticians at my hospital had never heard of such a thing and told> me to eat more carbs, and my doctor said he had never heard of such a> bizzarerre set of symptoms. I remained on the low carb diet for years> because if I ever straid I would go through hell, but eventually I gave> up eating cabbage or anything during the day and would only eat once in> the evening - I needed to eat all my carbs in an hour otherwise my> pancreas would over react.> > One day I got terrible acid pains and I went through hell with for> months which forced me in the end to eat some low GI carbs again during> the day. To my surprise my pancreas had reset and my extreme reaction to> carbs had healed. I still do overeat and crave fatty food but I don't go> into the that agonising hunger like I did before, which was unbearable> torture.> > As a result of my problems I learnt a lot about the body and food. Many> people with stress issues might find they are driven to overeat as this> is the body's way of ensuring you get sufficient calories in any> percieved dangerous situation becaue you might not get food for a while.> When you are in deadly danger the body loses interest in food, but in> other stressful situations the body drives you to eat.> > I have no idea what makes you want to over eat, but if stress is a part> of it rest assured it will lesson as you learn to manage stress. I hope> ACT works well for you and brings you peace of mind.> > Here's an article you might find interesting: (I do love my fatty food> which I have recently given up due to weight gain but I am suffering> more stress because of it - oh well)> Comfort-Food Cravings May Be Body's Attempt To Put Brake On Chronic> Stress> ScienceDaily (Sep. 11, 2003) — UCSF researchers have identified a> biochemical feedback system in rats that could explain why some people> crave comfort foods - such as chocolate chip cookies and greasy> cheeseburgers - when they are chronically stressed, and why such people> are apt to gain weight in the abdomen.> > The finding, to be published this week on-line in the Early Edition of> Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, focuses on a> glucocorticoid steroid hormone (corticosterone in rats, cortisol in> humans) that plays a key role in the stress-response system. In their> study, the researchers determined that 24 hours after activation of the> chronic stress system - which stimulates a flood of hormonal signaling> from the hypothalamus to the adrenal glands – glucocorticoids prompt> rats to engage in pleasure-seeking behaviors, which include eating> high-energy foods (sucrose and lard). The animals develop abdominal> obesity, and the negative aspects of the chronic stress response system,> otherwise ushered in by the glucocorticoids, are blunted. The> researchers suspect that the metabolic signal to inhibit the stress> system comes directly from fat depots.> > http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/09/030911072109.htm> <http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/09/030911072109.htm>> > Kv> > > >> > I read that when I have a painful experience - due to the desire to> eat and when I try to resist overeating I can feel hunger pains and tell> myself I am suffering. Through ACT I learn that I can accept my pain and> not call it suffering. And the action of enduring the pain comes from> willingness (the action that comes from acceptance). Well this can be so> strong, that it is difficult to adjust my thoughts to ones other than> fusion.> >> > And very much related to this, when I - further on in the process -> look at my values and choose one to be 'moderation' or 'moderation with> food' - I then have chose a path, a process. I can then set up a short> term goal - lets say to be moderate with eating from breakfast through> lunch .... I am advised through the program to become committed and do> it as fully and well as possible .... Again as with the first paragraph> I can accept that this will be difficult and I can employ willingness to> make the effort to follow through .... And suppose, because this is so> painiful to do, I get into the / willingness process again .... and> again it is difficult to express to myself emotions or thoughts in a> defused manner.> >> > Marty K> >>

[Guest guest]

Lin, thank you for letting us know our words have been of help. We are all in this together and we can help each other just by lending an ear to each other. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that something I have shared might have helped someone. I have been so helped by so many on this list.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, September 23, 2011 9:33:17 AMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain

This thread says so many important things, thanks to all of you for your resposne. I can see how ACT has given all of you a new way of thinking. I am definetly a newbie. Before reading the comment on accepting pain, I didnt realize by accepting the short term pain I would help stop the suffering in my head.I must go back and reread the defusion words that Helena wrote,Acceptance....... just allow it to be there;Voice your acceptanceaccept it in the moment. "It's OK if I am feeling discomfort right Voice your intentionI do this in honor of my value to < fill in the blanks >; for example, in honor of my value to be physically healthy, if that's what it is. Thank you , allLin

[Guest guest]

I second that. One of the things I'm grateful for is the support of this list. Even (or especially) when I'm wallowing in unhelpful thoughts. It's great to get some feedback on where I'm going wrong and to be able to ask questions, too. Other people sharing issues make me feel I''m not so alone or abnormal.Right now, I'm diffusing from the unhelpful thought that I might not be able to do a work project and will let my boss down. Thanks, mind for that thought. Amazing that it comes up. Since I have a value of being a good employee, I'll do my best and try to let go of the outcome.BruceLin, thank you for letting us know our words have been of help. We are all in this together and we can help each other just by lending an ear to each other. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that something I have shared might have helped someone. I have been so helped by so many on this list. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, September 23, 2011 9:33:17 AMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain This thread says so many important things, thanks to all of you for your resposne. I can see how ACT has given all of you a new way of thinking. I am definetly a newbie. Before reading the comment on accepting pain, I didnt realize by accepting the short term pain I would help stop the suffering in my head.I must go back and reread the defusion words that Helena wrote,Acceptance....... just allow it to be there;Voice your acceptanceaccept it in the moment. "It's OK if I am feeling discomfort right Voice your intentionI do this in honor of my value to < fill in the blanks >; for example, in honor of my value to be physically healthy, if that's what it is. Thank you , allLin

[Guest guest]

I second that. One of the things I'm grateful for is the support of this list. Even (or especially) when I'm wallowing in unhelpful thoughts. It's great to get some feedback on where I'm going wrong and to be able to ask questions, too. Other people sharing issues make me feel I''m not so alone or abnormal.Right now, I'm diffusing from the unhelpful thought that I might not be able to do a work project and will let my boss down. Thanks, mind for that thought. Amazing that it comes up. Since I have a value of being a good employee, I'll do my best and try to let go of the outcome.BruceLin, thank you for letting us know our words have been of help. We are all in this together and we can help each other just by lending an ear to each other. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that something I have shared might have helped someone. I have been so helped by so many on this list. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, September 23, 2011 9:33:17 AMSubject: Re: Willingness without fusion is difficult with strong pain This thread says so many important things, thanks to all of you for your resposne. I can see how ACT has given all of you a new way of thinking. I am definetly a newbie. Before reading the comment on accepting pain, I didnt realize by accepting the short term pain I would help stop the suffering in my head.I must go back and reread the defusion words that Helena wrote,Acceptance....... just allow it to be there;Voice your acceptanceaccept it in the moment. "It's OK if I am feeling discomfort right Voice your intentionI do this in honor of my value to < fill in the blanks >; for example, in honor of my value to be physically healthy, if that's what it is. Thank you , allLin