Re: Inner Conflict

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the advice, I'm new to ACT concepts too, but they are working for me. But yeah, wasting my time stewing about this probably isn't val ues congruent...they are still there but I've been defusing them and just not paying so much attention to them. I will forgive myself like you said.-thanks for the feedbackTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, September 18, 2011 11:39 PMSubject: Re: Inner Conflict

I suspect you are having more pain and more issues then just the issues with your past job. I sense a lot of struggling in your email.I often feel shame and guilt. I have to sit down and observe myself have these thoughts. These thoughts cause me to suffer from anxiety so if I get to that point, I have to observe my anxiety and slowly I can settle down my mind and look at myself.

I also feel like an outsider in everything. Sit and recognize those thoughts as just thoughts. The feelings of anxiety and depression are feelings. Observe them as they happen.Sometimes I can't wind down and get any space for mindfulness.

Just my opinion on this, you can't take anything on Facebook to have any meaning. Each user may use it for their own purpose. Some people only want it to be family or something. I had to just delete my Facebook acct (that is avoidance though) because it didn't do anything for me. It only added pain to my thoughts.

Are you comfortable having these thoughts of revenge? Will they help you in the long run? I am an ACT beginner myself so maybe some of the others who are more experienced can help you.Be compassionate and forgive yourself.

Hey everyone, I need some help.

I have daily thoughts about revenge and or telling a certain group of people off because I was fired from a job and a bunch of them reported me to management. I was wrong in some aspects, but they made damn sure to give every nook and cranny of detail to incriminate and or satisfy their right to report harrasment even though I was not acting with malicious intent, even though some of what I said was inappropriate. I was terminated partly because of that and partly for other reasons not having to do with anyone in particular. Another co-worker also talked behind my back and I heard him, he also did not accept a face book request I sent to him....

I'm angry/shamed because I....

-Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened.

-I actually apologized, but no one returned my calls, so I feel I subjected myself to the very people that turned me in.

- I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process.

-I had no closure

-I'm pissed at myself because I feel like I'm a pussy, and it's been 3 years and if I go back to say or do anything now I'm going to look like an idiot, plus I have shame thoughts that stop me because of poor job performance and everyone was doing better than me/were more senior than me so that stops me from going back and saying anything.

-I'm in a business now that requires me to get clients, so I have a fear of damaging my reputation if I go back and tell these people how I feel, angrily albeit. On top of catastrophic thoughts already that they will somehow sabatoge my reputation on social networks, etc...

-I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died.

-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment,blah, blah, blah.

-I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.

Am I justified, ha, maybe so, maybe not, maybe after all this time I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.

I bought the ACT on life not on anger book...should I just keep defusing these anger/shame/self-esteem thoughts? I switch from, yeah I forgive, but then my mind hooks me and says, "What if your supposed to do something about this?" Like, if you feeling a pain in your chest everyday your mind will keep bugging you, so it's obvious you should go see a doctor...see what I mean? Here are the thoughts

"Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it" "What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind?" "Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't" "I can't make decisions" "Is this a decision" "How does this fit into ACT?" "Am I having trouble because I smoke too many cigars and have an unhealthy sedentary lifestyle at the moment?" "All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse..." "I don't even know how to think..." "ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion..." "I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who don't give a shit about me and probably think I'm

dangerous and crazy because of ocd thoughts about my business reputation and wanting approval and to be wanted, yet I can stand my ground against people I love and that love me because I know they won't reject me...(ouch)". "Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know?", "What life skills am I missing?" "How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time?"

Stuff like that....

-Thanks in advance for your responses. The forum is great and ACT has definitely helped me get moving on some values even when I don't "Feel" like it.

-Peace.

-- Regards,Phil