Re: I still don't understand about defusion of facts/ the truth

[Guest guest]

I should add that often there is a kind of pride in thoughts like

" That's not me, I don't do that sort of thing. " For sure, I have

experienced this. Our self-image can come to seem much more

valuable to us than whether we are living the kind of life we

would want if we dared hope for it.

>

>

>

>

> Hi Iolanda,

>

> Thoughts of " who we are " and " that is/isn't me " or " I could never

> do that " can serve our interests - as when we persistently commit

> to a value despite setbacks, or refuse to engage in an activity

> that goes against our values - or they can hinder our interests.

>

> In ACT-speak, when such thoughts hinder us, this is sometimes

> called " the conceptualized self. " It is like an ossified view of

> ourselves that we cling to because it seems so much " us " that we

> cannot imagine being ourselves without it - and yet - and yet - it

> is hindering and not serving us.

>

> For example, I have had, and still have, a lot of thoughts that

> tell me " I could never do that " or " That's who I am. "

>

> - I can't dance in public. That's not who I am.

>

> - I can't make that phone call to a friend just to say hi. That

> doesn't feel comfortable. That's not me.

>

> - I can't speak up and ask that person to be quiet who is talking

> too loudly on their cell phone. That's not me. That wouldn't feel

> natural.

>

> - I don't dare try and succeed in that career area. It's too hard,

> too risky, requires me to talk to people, etc. It's just not me. It

> wouldn't be natural.

>

> I am not trying to put you down, hurt you, or tell you what to do

> when I give these examples. I can only speak for myself in saying

> that if I listened to my mind (that is, my thoughts) tell me " Who I

> am " in terms of what I can and can't do that might be in my

> interest ... then I would be shrinking my life way, way down.

>

> If you cannot even try a defusion exercise like " I'm having the

> thought that ... " - then what else might there be that you are not

> willing to try, that might help you?

>

> Again this may sound like pressure or being hurtful. I don't mean

> it that way. I don't know your situation or what is right for you.

> I can only say that such thoughts, for many many people, are a

> classic way of staying stuck. But it is not my call. Maybe someone

> else who can say these things more helpfully will chime in.

>

> Hoping I am not being a pain here,

>

> Randy

>