Guest guest Posted September 19, 2011 Report Share Posted September 19, 2011 Hi:-) while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many of the members here, masha'allah. > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > -I had no closure > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental acceptance of ur past actions. u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna take? But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. Well u can't. U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and with compassion towards urself. being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on urself. >>>>>-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur 'history'. >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.>>>>>>> don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel confused in their lives, then they must not be human. <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as 'should do' 'supposed to do' u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as 'sorta willing'. >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit into ACT? " >>>>>>> yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, u r ur toughest critic. <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion... " >>>>>>> Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that perticular thought. Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then the principles become quite simple. <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and as a result being tougher on urself. <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " >>>>>> depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they not workable. <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will automatically come to the surface. once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out totally wrong. Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of this book. That will make act simple for u. wasalaam sarah:-) p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real name in this group..opps... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 19, 2011 Report Share Posted September 19, 2011 Ha, you are not being hard at all, thanks for taking the time to write, it was wonderful, it's late now and I'll have to take some time to read what you wrote and ponder it, and you are right, I punish and beat myself up HUGELY. Like for instance, I was reading a CBT book on self-esteem and it said something about judging yourself based on " One Mistake " , my mind was quick to remind me that I've screwed so many BIG things up MANY times. -peace. > > Hi:-) > while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many of the members here, masha'allah. > > > > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > > -I had no closure > > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. > > > All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. > > > By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. > > There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. > > Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. > Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental acceptance of ur past actions. > > u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. > > is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna take? > > But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. Well u can't. > > U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and with compassion towards urself. > > being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. > > If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on urself. > > >>>>>-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> > ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur 'history'. > > >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.>>>>>>> > don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel confused in their lives, then they must not be human. > > <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> > reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. > > ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as 'should do' 'supposed to do' > > > u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as 'sorta willing'. > > > >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> > again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. > > <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit into ACT? " >>>>>>> > yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, u r ur toughest critic. > > > <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion... " >>>>>>> > Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. > > defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that perticular thought. > > Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then the principles become quite simple. > > <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> > this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and as a result being tougher on urself. > > <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " >>>>>> > depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they not workable. > > <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> > nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will automatically come to the surface. > > > > once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. > Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out totally wrong. > Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. > > take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of this book. That will make act simple for u. > > wasalaam > > sarah:-) > > p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real name in this group..opps... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 19, 2011 Report Share Posted September 19, 2011 :-)m glad sorry...was finally able to change that name " E.T. " back to ' K'. phew...:-) > > > > Hi:-) > > while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many of the members here, masha'allah. > > > > > > > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > > > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > > > -I had no closure > > > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. > > > > > > All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. > > > > > > By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. > > > > There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. > > > > Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. > > Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental acceptance of ur past actions. > > > > u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. > > > > is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna take? > > > > But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. Well u can't. > > > > U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and with compassion towards urself. > > > > being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. > > > > If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on urself. > > > > >>>>>-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> > > ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur 'history'. > > > > >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.>>>>>>> > > don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel confused in their lives, then they must not be human. > > > > <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> > > reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. > > > > ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as 'should do' 'supposed to do' > > > > > > u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as 'sorta willing'. > > > > > > >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> > > again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. > > > > <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit into ACT? " >>>>>>> > > yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, u r ur toughest critic. > > > > > > <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion... " >>>>>>> > > Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. > > > > defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that perticular thought. > > > > Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then the principles become quite simple. > > > > <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> > > this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and as a result being tougher on urself. > > > > <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " >>>>>> > > depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they not workable. > > > > <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> > > nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will automatically come to the surface. > > > > > > > > once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. > > Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out totally wrong. > > Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. > > > > take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of this book. That will make act simple for u. > > > > wasalaam > > > > sarah:-) > > > > p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real name in this group..opps... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 " All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. " > I completely agree with this, the main thing you said is that it doesn't help with moving forward, but it sucks because what we do affects our future, but that's another thing to defuse I guess. " By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. " -thanks for sharing your experience, it helps to know the experiences of others. ha, yeah, I think you are right, I am overcomplicating a bit and just need to chill out and give myself a break, thank so much, you cleared up some stuff for me :-) > > Hi:-) > while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many of the members here, masha'allah. > > > > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > > -I had no closure > > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. > > > All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. > > > By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. > > There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. > > Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. > Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental acceptance of ur past actions. > > u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. > > is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna take? > > But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. Well u can't. > > U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and with compassion towards urself. > > being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. > > If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on urself. > > >>>>>-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> > ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur 'history'. > > >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.>>>>>>> > don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel confused in their lives, then they must not be human. > > <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> > reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. > > ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as 'should do' 'supposed to do' > > > u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as 'sorta willing'. > > > >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> > again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. > > <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit into ACT? " >>>>>>> > yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, u r ur toughest critic. > > > <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion... " >>>>>>> > Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. > > defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that perticular thought. > > Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then the principles become quite simple. > > <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> > this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and as a result being tougher on urself. > > <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " >>>>>> > depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they not workable. > > <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> > nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will automatically come to the surface. > > > > once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. > Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out totally wrong. > Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. > > take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of this book. That will make act simple for u. > > wasalaam > > sarah:-) > > p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real name in this group..opps... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 I am glad to see you are feeling better.I am in a similar position. I am in a spiral of anxiety and depression and it is very hard to stop the spinning so I can center myself.  It is amazing the shame and guilt I feel for the most wrong reasons. They are so dumb and obviously wrong I feel silly for having to fight them - which makes it worse. If I can just get myself to be mindful, even for just a few minutes it helps. It is hard to get into it when your mind is spinning, almost out of control.It is amazing how meds and changing meds can effect you. I am just trying to make it through to next week for my next appt with my Psychiatrist.  " All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. " > I completely agree with this, the main thing you said is that it doesn't help with moving forward, but it sucks because what we do affects our future, but that's another thing to defuse I guess. " By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. " -thanks for sharing your experience, it helps to know the experiences of others. ha, yeah, I think you are right, I am overcomplicating a bit and just need to chill out and give myself a break, thank so much, you cleared up some stuff for me :-) > > Hi:-) > while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many of the members here, masha'allah. > > > > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > > -I had no closure > > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. > > > All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way u can atlest let go of those past events/action. > > > By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had panic attacks and broke down. > > There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. > > Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. > Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental acceptance of ur past actions. > > u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. > > is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna take? > > But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. Well u can't. > > U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and with compassion towards urself. > > being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. > > If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on urself. > > >>>>>-I have a long history of failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> > ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur 'history'. > > >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking reputation.>>>>>>> > don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel confused in their lives, then they must not be human. > > <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> > reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. > > ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as 'should do' 'supposed to do' > > > u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as 'sorta willing'. > > > >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> > again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. > > <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit into ACT? " >>>>>>> > yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, u r ur toughest critic. > > > <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do without this confusion... " >>>>>>> > Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. > > defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that perticular thought. > > Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then the principles become quite simple. > > <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> > this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and as a result being tougher on urself. > > <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " >>>>>> > depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they not workable. > > <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> > nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will automatically come to the surface. > > > > once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. > Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out totally wrong. > Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. > > take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of this book. That will make act simple for u. > > wasalaam > > sarah:-) > > p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real name in this group..opps... > -- Regards,Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 I definitely can relate to the spinning emotions and thoughts. Just keep defusing/expanding, but even then I know you can still feel like crap. > > > > > > Hi:-) > > > while i am not an expert, i would like to apologize in advance if i say > > something unintetintally to hurt ur feelings or if i misunderstand any part > > of ur email. My understand from ACT comes from an intentive outpateint ACT > > therapy i was fortunate enough to be treated at. And 3/4 of the Happiness > > Trap, i am still reading it:-). So my act knowledge is surely not like many > > of the members here, masha'allah. > > > > > > > > > > -Didn't tell these people what I thought when this happened. > > > > - I cryed and yelled and acted all weird and angry and people saw it > > when I was in the termination meeting process/post process. > > > > -I had no closure > > > > -I actually sent this one of these people a facebook friend request > > like an idiot, and I know this guy wouldn't care if I died. > > > > > > > > > All these actions have already taken place. If it doesn't help ya in any > > way, as far as moving forward, then it is best not to dwell/worry about > > them. They r done and they r in the past now. We can't change the past, so y > > dwell on it.y be so tough o urself now. Whether those actions were the best > > or not doesn't matter anymore. Letz look at the present and future. That way > > u can atlest let go of those past events/action. > > > > > > > > > By the way b4 i continue i just wanna say i can relate to a lott things u > > r saying. while i am a very non confrontational person, and sometimes a > > little too apologetic (as it is engraved in me coz of my religion), i too > > get fused with the though of overy worrying about being perceived as 'weak' > > by the rest of the world. I used to hate it. The feeling that u r being > > taken advantage off coz u r not able to do anything to standup for urself > > can be a terrible feeling. i suffered with it for any years. And i feared my > > litle kids saw it in me everytime i was racially attacked in public and had > > panic attacks and broke down. > > > > > > There is also a lotta judgement involved in every action u take. And in > > every feeling , every thought u expereince. And this can be draining, and > > this can be overwhelming and this can cause a lotta confusion as to what > > actions u 'should' be taking, what u 'shouldn't' be. > > > > > > Ilikeact the only thing i am not seeing at all in ur enitre email is some > > compassioN towards urself, towards ur expreinces. > > > Some willingness to let some discomfort be there, some non -judgemental > > acceptance of ur past actions. > > > > > > u wanna go back, but u r also very fused with a lotta judgements about, > > that show low- self esteem, self -confidence. > > > > > > is it worth it to debate whether ur job performance was good enough or > > not? Maybe u r being too tough on urself, maybe not. But if i were to > > reaasure u were great, perhaps that reassurancw woudl still not be enough > > and u would come back with the same feelings of low -self esteem and low- > > self confidence tomorrow. How about we just let that feeling be. Let it be > > like ur mind is telling u this about urself. We don't care whether it is > > true or not. y? well what benefit does it do? what we care about is if u buy > > into this/ if u r so fused to it, will it help u take the action u wanna > > take? > > > > > > But u r also confused about what action to take. u r re-thinking and over > > -thinking and pre-planning the whole scenrio way too much. Too much time, > > energy is going in this. Plus the degree of stress, anxiety, anger is > > elliviating. well u need to take some action, as thinking, rethinking, all > > this is not really helping ya once again. U wanna be in control of this > > entire situation so this time whatever action u take is the 'right move'. > > Well u can't. > > > > > > U worry too much about the future, which u really cannot predict 100%. > > Probability might be there, but yet no garantee it will be exactlly how ur > > fearing. Can u make some room for the uncertainly? Future is just that. > > Uncertain in a lotta ways. U can take actions which go with ur values, and > > then accept whatever consequence they bring in a non- judgemental way and > > with compassion towards urself. > > > > > > being perfect is not required. we put that sorta requiremnt on urselves. > > being human and prone to mistakes, bad judgements somtimes, wrong actions > > somtimes, thats all that is expected of us. it 's human nature to somtimes > > make a right move, while sometimes make a wrong one. > > > > > > If u dwell too much on ur wrong move, and fear too much when making > > another move from the fear of making another wrong move, guess what? the > > likely hood of u making another error will be higher, becoz u r acting with > > an added baggage of aniety/stress and everything else. Even if u don't make > > a big error, u will perceive it as big, and will still be too hard on > > urself. > > > > > > >>>>>-I have a long history of > > failure/depression/shame/embarassment/regrets, social embarrasment>>>>>>> > > > ok, that's ok. as long as it is a 'history'. it's gone. so leave it > > behind. history doesn't necessarily havta predict ur future. Even ur > > present. Allow the history to be there and acccept it as just that , ur > > 'history'. > > > > > > >>>>>>> -I'm not a man for being tough and being confused. Other people > > are strong and I'm just a fearful pussy, worried about his fucking > > reputation.>>>>>>> > > > don't compare others outsides to ur insides. What people appear in the > > outside doesnt tell ya much about them. If they never feel weak, never feel > > confused in their lives, then they must not be human. > > > > > > <<I think emotional reasoning has made my anger/shame worse.>>> > > > reasoning and too much attention on things u don't have much control > > over- thoughts, emotions, sentasion, OR things u can't change,- past > > actions, yes makes things worst, causes more anger, stress, frustration. > > > > > > ur 'not supposed to do' anything according to me from my understanding > > about ACT. it is what u 'want to do'. ACT does not give u a list of things > > that 'should be' . it's the opp. ...it belives there no such thing as > > 'should do' 'supposed to do' > > > > > > > > > u either take an action or u don't....u r either willing to take action > > with the uncertainty being there or u r not. there is no such thing as > > 'sorta willing'. > > > > > > > > > >>>> " Am I avoiding confronting these folks because I'm not exposing > > myself to fear and avoiding it " " What if you'll feel better if you give them > > a piece of your mind? " " Naaa, don't do it...it's not part of your values, > > plus you'll ruin your reputation, even though it probably wouldn't " >>>>> > > > again expose urself to fear ONLY if it is in line with ur value. Exposing > > urself to fear to prove urself to others and to ursef that infact 'u r not > > weak', is the wrong reason..coz u r not being able to even come to terms > > with the fact that it is ok to feeel weak sometimes. feeling weak is not a > > bad thing. It is just how ur mind is making u believe. > > > > > > <<<<< " I can't make decisions " " Is this a decision " " How does this fit > > into ACT? " >>>>>>> > > > yes u can. but ur too worried about predicting the consequence of that > > decision. it hasta be the perfect decision or u will be doomed and will > > never frogive urself for making such a huge mistake. ur too hard on urself, > > u r ur toughest critic. > > > > > > > > > <<<<< " All this mamby pamby values stuff is turning my brain into mush, > > all this compassion bullshit, wtf? It's making things worse... " " I don't > > even know how to think... " " ACT is making this worse because if I didn't try > > to think and apply these act principles I'd just go do what I wanted to do > > without this confusion... " >>>>>>> > > > Value is not meant to be confusing, it is meant to solve the confusion. > > when u get stuck on should i do this action or not. well STOP RIGHT THERE. > > ask urself is it in service of a value? if i do it am i walking in my valued > > path, well if it is, then GO FOR IT!....if it's not, then just let it > > go..not worth it...if it is to prove urself or others something...nope, no > > value really there, more of u not being able to sit with a > > discomfort....more of ur fusion to ur thought of being perecived as a > > failure or weak guy, so better defuse from that thought. > > > > > > defuse does not mean get rid of that though, it does not mean negate it, > > it means hold it so lighthly that ur action is not determined by that > > perticular thought. > > > > > > Confusion is not coming from appling act, confusing could be coming from > > not applying act. act can be as simple or as tough as u want i to be. ur > > nature of trying to solve every problem, trying to come to the prefect > > conclusion, can make act seem very complicated. But if u look at ACT as > > simply a compssionate approch towards ur emotions, actions, behaviour, then > > the principles become quite simple. > > > > > > <<<< " I stand up to the people I care about in my life, but for some > > idiotic reason I want the approval of strangers who ......>>> > > > this part is good enough thatu alreday know where ur problem lies...rest > > is once again u predicting exactly how u r perceived in the eyes others and > > as a result being tougher on urself. > > > > > > <<<<< " Are these thoughts workable, are they moving me towards a vital > > life? I don't know? " , " What life skills am I missing? " " How can I know > > what's right for me and wrong if I'm just defusing stuff all the time? " > > >>>>>> > > > depends, r they cauing u more stress/greif/anger/anxiety? then they r > > not? r they helping u take an action? any action? if not, then again they > > not workable. > > > > > > <<<<<what skills am i lacking>>>>>> > > > nothing really...i am sure u have all the skills. once u bring in some > > love and compassion towards urself and ur expereinces, those skills will > > automatically come to the surface. > > > > > > > > > > > > once again ilikeact, if i have said anything that came out too harsh, i > > do sincerely apologixe. my intentions r not so. > > > Plus sometimes things make total sense to me in my head, but come out > > totally wrong. > > > Also i don't write emails, i like thesis and essays, and only my > > x-therapist Joann had the patience to read my stuff at the therapiies, so if > > i keep rambling off in my emails , i am sorry. > > > > > > take care and i hope this time when u open the act book , u can read it > > with an open mind, and not with what is 'expected from u ' to get out of > > this book. That will make act simple for u. > > > > > > wasalaam > > > > > > sarah:-) > > > > > > p.s. sorry my name shows up as E.T. perhaps coz i changed it to join > > another support group, and now am wondering how to change it back to my real > > name in this group..opps... > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > Regards, > Phil > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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