Re: Differances in how we label things

[Guest guest]

Helena

I would liek to continue to share with you. I did get the book suggested " I

thought it was me " . This is a sentance that radiates with me. I will define who

you are and then I'll make you beleive that your own definition. " Can you relate

to that?

I also read that a shame feeling could produce an overwelming fear

mixed with anger that would signal me in the fight , flight or freeze

mode. In my case, fight was out of the picture until I am much older adult. I

stil have trouble getting and staying angry. If I do , I stay angry and what

happened that neither of my parents protected or understood even today. My kids

dont understand either. They think I am a little eccentric and crazy. Some of

which I am.

Lin

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> Thank you for sharing. I find it somewhat helpfull to know that I am not alone

in what happened to me. I feel a bit guilty for that as I wouldnt wish my

childhood on anyone. I have had a much better life as an adult. I think I

appreciate things more then most people because of my childhood.

> Lin

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> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> From: hbbr@...

> Date: Tue, 20 Sep 2011 14:21:05 +0000

> Subject: Re: Differances in how we label things

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> , your story sounds very similar to some of my experiences in children's

homes and foster homes when I was a child - truly horrible. I was often beaten

for not getting the dishes done on time because my sister and I were having fun,

fooling around, while doing them. We both did the best we could in those

circumstances. Remember that and pat yourself on the back for surviving, and

thriving today. I called my foster mother " Mom " too because she asked me to.

It never felt right.

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> That you were not able to stand up to them is totally understandable. You were

a helpless child! I left the foster home when I graduated from high school, but

left my younger sister behind, which made me feel so guilty. The one time I was

able to stand up to my foster father was the time he started to beat her in the

week I was leaving; I had the courage because I knew I was soon outta there. I

got in his face, grabbed the leather strap, and said in a firm voice " Don't you

dare touch her! " I will never forget the look of shock on his face as he just

walked away, shaking his head.

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> Those childhood memories will cease to be important in your mind as they are

supplemented with newer memories and the sense of accomplishment that comes from

living a value-driven life. Eventually, you will look back on them as just

something you went through as a child; something that can no longer hurt you and

something that helped mold you into the caring person you are today. We both

know what it is like to endure hideous physical and emotional pain as children;

so we are, perhaps, better equipped than most to understand it with compassion

when we encounter it in others.

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> Prior to ACT, I was pretty much stuck in my memories and was depressed most of

the time. I wish I had known ACT 40 years ago!

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> My best to you in your journey,

> Helena

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> To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

> Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 9:04:37 AM

> Subject: Differances in how we label things

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> As a child , I lived in a foster home. I was made to stand in the corner

sometimes with hands up for hours. Often, I did not know what I did. As I

remember one of the incidents was because I snickered they said. I thought it

was a smile. It seemed that as soon as I relaxed, something else would happen.

The shame I previously spoke of was in part due to the visitors coming in seeing

me and them telling them how bad I was.

> I used my time to do the multiplacation table and make words out of another

word in my head, In additon, I made promises to myself how it would be when I

grew up. One time, for the first time I was allowed a friend over the house, the

riducle and all the bad things about me were spoken about. The girl never came

back and our friendship stopped in school. Sometimes, I think I have PST just

like prisoners in war.

> I am good at math and words.

> I never shared this before. I stayed away from anyone who knew how I grew up.

When I finally left that place, if I saw those people I would be in fear. I wish

now I had stood up to them. I even called her Mom , hoping it would be easier on

me. It helped a little. Lin

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[Guest guest]

Thanks , Helena

Yes, I was pretty independent when I left the house but seem to take steps back

when I am in a relationship. I acheived quite a bit coming from my background. I

am in my late 50's by the way. A man was my first positive influence.

Yes, I have had counseling off and on thru the Years. I am quite differant then

I used to be becuase of it. Yet, the old feelings come back and the way of

reacting to them resurface from time to time. Every once in awhile I need to go

back and think about the past. For the first time I am thinking about my

reactions to those old feelings.

At one time i thought it was only the decisions I made that I needed to know.

But now I know , I need to know what actions I chose to protect , defend and

survive. Some are definelty not what I should be doing today.

Is it not good that we can grow and have a better life every day?

Lin

[Guest guest]

Oh dear, yes! This is just what I was kind of trying to say.

With ACT, it's not like I don't still have tons of pain. It's just more and

more noticing also when I don't. And celebrating that AS MUCH as anything else.

Because it seems to matter, I matter, you matter, this moment matters.

And forgiveness, as a constant companion..

Carry on,

Theresa

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> Hi Lin,

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> I guess when you mentioned children, I thought you had some young ones still

at home and were probably in your 30s or 40's - so much for the assumptions we

make via email communication!  I am somewhat older than you, however ...

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> I'd say that it is a good thing you discovered ACT because I really think it

can help you with all that old childhood trauma stuff.  We do have to deal with

our feelings about the past but at some point, we need to just let it all go and

live in the present moment.  That is what ACT has helped me with.  I

really had a story going about my childhood, and even though it was all true,

it wasn't the whole story.  I now find myself looking back on some pleasurable

things that happened in my childhood that I had formerly blocked because I was

so caught up in the pain part of it. 

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> I still do things I shouldn't do and don't do things I should!  But I am more

accepting of myself with all my flaws because I know I am strong and well and my

horrid past is over, over, over!  This is the first time in my life I am

actually excited about living (most of the time).  So, forgive yourself and

love yourself and forgive everyone everything, if you can.

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> Helena

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> Re: Differances in how we label things

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> Thanks , Helena

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> Yes, I was pretty independent when I left the house but seem to take steps

back when I am in a relationship. I acheived quite a bit coming from my

background. I am in my late 50's by the way. A man was my first positive

influence.

>

> Yes, I have had counseling off and on thru the Years. I am quite differant

then I used to be becuase of it. Yet, the old feelings come back and the way of

reacting to them resurface from time to time. Every once in awhile I need to go

back and think about the past. For the first time I am thinking about my

reactions to those old feelings.

>

> At one time i thought it was only the decisions I made that I needed to know.

But now I know , I need to know what actions I chose to protect , defend and

survive. Some are definelty not what I should be doing today.

> Is it not good that we can grow and have a better life every day?

> Lin

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