strange anxieties

[Guest guest]

There'ssomething I found recently that seems quite helpful for me, when I'mhaving feelings that don't make much sense in my actual life.Forinstance, I can have bouts of anxiety that don't seem to match well with how my present life is going.Itdawned on me that a large part of this anxiety maybe wasn't « mine », but moremy mother's (who was often very anxious – in the old days theycalled that « free floating anxiety », how I wish it wasreally « free floating »)...Anxietythat I absorbed by a kind of osmosis (the latest findings onmirror-neurons describe this rather well).Afterall, I loved my mom deeply, most of the time, so I wanted to be closeto her, and I still do ; even though she died 20 years ago, sheis still present in me.Andit dawned to me that accepting this anxiety of hers is part of thedeal.Isometimes even wonder if this « strange anxiety » isn't away to maintain this felt connection with her. That is of course justa thought, but a helpful one for me.Soaccepting this « strange anxiety », giving it room insideme, might be a way of welcoming my mom in my heart...Itgave a whole new and lovely dimension to the « job » ofaccepting these « strange anxieties ».Andsoftly saying to my mom: « I care about your anxiety and honorthe tremendous efforts you gave to be the best mother you could be »,feels wonderfully sweet."--Inorder to avoid misunderstandings : I don't want to suggest thatthe above is « true ».Itwas helpful for me, and that is what matters.Andmy wish is that some of you might find it helpful, too.Bestto all, Maarten