Guest guest Posted September 11, 2011 Report Share Posted September 11, 2011 Detlef, I've had the same thoughts, and the same need and desire for more than "session time" when I was in therapy. Or course, if all clients had that kind of availability, can you imagine what the therapist's life might be like - with constant interruptions? I asked my therapist if I could just call her once a day, or if she could call me, to simply stay in touch and to have a "touchstone" of sorts to reassure me as I faced each day so fearfully every morning. That didn't sound like much to ask, in my perspective, but when she told me she had 30 clients who all could use an early morning phone call, I started to understand - it wasn't that simple for her. And then she explained that life didn't work like that; we can't rely on props and "feel-good" stuff from friends, let alone therapists, to help us live our lives. I understood that. I didn't like it. I understand your need, and mine, for closer and more frequent contact. It is not wise to go there, however. The therapist/client relationship is personal and may seem as familiar as family -- but it is not; it is a professional relationship. She or he is there to do a job and is "on the job". They are unable to work 24/7, nor should they. They are not your personal friends. They are on a clock, with their time, if not with their feelings. Otherwise, they would get burned out so quickly and would not be able to help anyone. There is no "fall-back" scenario. There are no sensible words from an understanding person -that you can count on to be there when you need it most. That is the honest-to-gods-truth. This is very lonely. I'm with you in understanding. And loving support ... Helena From: "michieux" <michieux.au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 3:59:25 PMSubject: Commitment Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to therapists, or those committing to helping those troubled individuals who clamor for their help.Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it something more than that?I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this list, so some feedback would be appreciated.The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email message.I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props, at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible words from someone who understands - something to help me be with myself.Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much appreciated.Regards,Detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2011 Report Share Posted September 11, 2011 Detlef,What HBBR outlined below is very true, and I could attest my own experience to that. Recently, I've asked my doctor to allow me to text message him on his personal cell phone because I have agreed to go to the office EVERYDAY no matter how fearful or sleepy I am. He agreed but only for emergencies. It became my "touchstone" of some sort, not to really do it, but it became a "spring board" to push myself by my own effort no matter how weak I feel. It became like: should I bother him like a cry baby, or with my tiniest ounce of strength I could help myself, because the situation and I are really NOT THAT hopeless or helpless. It became a matter of self-pride, I've called my doctor only once. And there were days I could not push myself, I ask myself is it physical (drowsy due to meds) or excuse? If it is not safe for me to drive,I stay home and inform the office. Sometimes I ask a friend to pick me up and send me to work. My thing is, I try to run myself out of excuses...it is not easy, but with postings like yours, we know we're not alone or singled out.I have posted yesterday on similar topic about my relationships with my therapist, (I have yet to see it posted by our site monitors) and you'll see the common thread there, with all our hopes, and frustrations much more, fears and insecurities.Till next issue.To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, September 12, 2011 4:11 AMSubject: Re: Commitment Detlef, I've had the same thoughts, and the same need and desire for more than "session time" when I was in therapy. Or course, if all clients had that kind of availability, can you imagine what the therapist's life might be like - with constant interruptions? I asked my therapist if I could just call her once a day, or if she could call me, to simply stay in touch and to have a "touchstone" of sorts to reassure me as I faced each day so fearfully every morning. That didn't sound like much to ask, in my perspective, but when she told me she had 30 clients who all could use an early morning phone call, I started to understand - it wasn't that simple for her. And then she explained that life didn't work like that; we can't rely on props and "feel-good" stuff from friends, let alone therapists, to help us live our lives. I understood that. I didn't like it. I understand your need, and mine, for closer and more frequent contact. It is not wise to go there, however. The therapist/client relationship is personal and may seem as familiar as family -- but it is not; it is a professional relationship. She or he is there to do a job and is "on the job". They are unable to work 24/7, nor should they. They are not your personal friends. They are on a clock, with their time, if not with their feelings. Otherwise, they would get burned out so quickly and would not be able to help anyone. There is no "fall-back" scenario. There are no sensible words from an understanding person -that you can count on to be there when you need it most. That is the honest-to-gods-truth. This is very lonely. I'm with you in understanding. And loving support ... Helena From: "michieux" <michieux.au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 3:59:25 PMSubject: Commitment Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to therapists, or those committing to helping those troubled individuals who clamor for their help.Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it something more than that?I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this list, so some feedback would be appreciated.The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email message.I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props, at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible words from someone who understands - something to help me be with myself.Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much appreciated.Regards,Detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2011 Report Share Posted September 11, 2011 hbbr,thanks for your insight, i have similar experiences and what you wrote (and as the previous ones) have positive effects on me. Thanks again.rogerTo: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, September 12, 2011 4:11 AMSubject: Re: Commitment Detlef, I've had the same thoughts, and the same need and desire for more than "session time" when I was in therapy. Or course, if all clients had that kind of availability, can you imagine what the therapist's life might be like - with constant interruptions? I asked my therapist if I could just call her once a day, or if she could call me, to simply stay in touch and to have a "touchstone" of sorts to reassure me as I faced each day so fearfully every morning. That didn't sound like much to ask, in my perspective, but when she told me she had 30 clients who all could use an early morning phone call, I started to understand - it wasn't that simple for her. And then she explained that life didn't work like that; we can't rely on props and "feel-good" stuff from friends, let alone therapists, to help us live our lives. I understood that. I didn't like it. I understand your need, and mine, for closer and more frequent contact. It is not wise to go there, however. The therapist/client relationship is personal and may seem as familiar as family -- but it is not; it is a professional relationship. She or he is there to do a job and is "on the job". They are unable to work 24/7, nor should they. They are not your personal friends. They are on a clock, with their time, if not with their feelings. Otherwise, they would get burned out so quickly and would not be able to help anyone. There is no "fall-back" scenario. There are no sensible words from an understanding person -that you can count on to be there when you need it most. That is the honest-to-gods-truth. This is very lonely. I'm with you in understanding. And loving support ... Helena From: "michieux" <michieux.au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 3:59:25 PMSubject: Commitment Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to therapists, or those committing to helping those troubled individuals who clamor for their help.Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it something more than that?I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this list, so some feedback would be appreciated.The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email message.I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props, at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible words from someone who understands - something to help me be with myself.Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much appreciated.Regards,Detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2011 Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 .....I would just add to Helena's post, that, here in the UK we have The Samaritans, (24/7) emergency hot line - if you are desperate to talk. I expect there are many such organisations, all over the world. But for me, it is the knowledge that I am always here for myself. It is when I desert myself, or start kicking myself around that pain arises. Be there for yourself, kindly, with support and encouragement . No therapist can match that. Simone Subject: Re: CommitmentTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Date: Sunday, 11 September, 2011, 21:11 Detlef, I've had the same thoughts, and the same need and desire for more than "session time" when I was in therapy. Or course, if all clients had that kind of availability, can you imagine what the therapist's life might be like - with constant interruptions? I asked my therapist if I could just call her once a day, or if she could call me, to simply stay in touch and to have a "touchstone" of sorts to reassure me as I faced each day so fearfully every morning. That didn't sound like much to ask, in my perspective, but when she told me she had 30 clients who all could use an early morning phone call, I started to understand - it wasn't that simple for her. And then she explained that life didn't work like that; we can't rely on props and "feel-good" stuff from friends, let alone therapists, to help us live our lives. I understood that. I didn't like it. I understand your need, and mine, for closer and more frequent contact. It is not wise to go there, however. The therapist/client relationship is personal and may seem as familiar as family -- but it is not; it is a professional relationship. She or he is there to do a job and is "on the job". They are unable to work 24/7, nor should they. They are not your personal friends. They are on a clock, with their time, if not with their feelings. Otherwise, they would get burned out so quickly and would not be able to help anyone. There is no "fall-back" scenario. There are no sensible words from an understanding person -that you can count on to be there when you need it most. That is the honest-to-gods-truth. This is very lonely. I'm with you in understanding. And loving support ... Helena From: "michieux" <michieux.au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 3:59:25 PMSubject: Commitment Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to therapists, or those committing to helping those troubled individuals who clamor for their help.Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it something more than that?I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this list, so some feedback would be appreciated.The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email message.I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props, at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible words from someone who understands - something to help me be with myself.Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much appreciated.Regards,Detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2011 Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 Thanks for making that very important point, Simone: I am always here for myself. Seems to me, that's the message of ACT in a nutshell. Until we fully understand and make that a part of our beingness, it can be lonely, as I commented in my note to Detlef (which I wish I had ended on a more hopeful note with the point you made). There are sensible words from an understanding person to be heard - words from yourself to yourself. Sometimes that is as good as it gets, and like you said, no therapist can match being there for yourself. And there may be times when you are not there for yourself; are not able to be for some reason as you climb down that mountain of avoidance. So you become willing to have the loneliness even though you don't want it - you sit on your hands, if you must, until a new dawn breaks- then you move on to the next moment, the next opportunity to be there for yourself. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, September 12, 2011 4:09:47 AMSubject: Re: Commitment .....I would just add to Helena's post, that, here in the UK we have The Samaritans, (24/7) emergency hot line - if you are desperate to talk. I expect there are many such organisations, all over the world. But for me, it is the knowledge that I am always here for myself. It is when I desert myself, or start kicking myself around that pain arises. Be there for yourself, kindly, with support and encouragement . No therapist can match that. Simone Subject: Re: CommitmentTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Date: Sunday, 11 September, 2011, 21:11 Detlef, I've had the same thoughts, and the same need and desire for more than "session time" when I was in therapy. Or course, if all clients had that kind of availability, can you imagine what the therapist's life might be like - with constant interruptions? I asked my therapist if I could just call her once a day, or if she could call me, to simply stay in touch and to have a "touchstone" of sorts to reassure me as I faced each day so fearfully every morning. That didn't sound like much to ask, in my perspective, but when she told me she had 30 clients who all could use an early morning phone call, I started to understand - it wasn't that simple for her. And then she explained that life didn't work like that; we can't rely on props and "feel-good" stuff from friends, let alone therapists, to help us live our lives. I understood that. I didn't like it. I understand your need, and mine, for closer and more frequent contact. It is not wise to go there, however. The therapist/client relationship is personal and may seem as familiar as family -- but it is not; it is a professional relationship. She or he is there to do a job and is "on the job". They are unable to work 24/7, nor should they. They are not your personal friends. They are on a clock, with their time, if not with their feelings. Otherwise, they would get burned out so quickly and would not be able to help anyone. There is no "fall-back" scenario. There are no sensible words from an understanding person -that you can count on to be there when you need it most. That is the honest-to-gods-truth. This is very lonely. I'm with you in understanding. And loving support ... Helena From: "michieux" <michieux.au>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, September 10, 2011 3:59:25 PMSubject: Commitment Thinking about things, I'm wondering what commitment means to therapists, or those committing to helping those troubled individuals who clamor for their help.Is commitment to clients a 9-to-5, Monday to Friday job, or is it something more than that?I know this is off-topic, but I know that all kinds of people read this list, so some feedback would be appreciated.The reason I ask is because the person purporting to help me is available only for a 30-40 min weekly session, and I feel I need more than that sometimes, even if it's only via a phone call or email message.I'm scared and lost in where I am going. I want to try to live my seconds, minutes, hours, days without the assistance of my usual props, at least not the most egregious one, which is alcohol. But I don't know if I can do this without some sort of fall-back, like some sensible words from someone who understands - something to help me be with myself.Any input, especially from those who've been where I am, is much appreciated.Regards,Detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2011 Report Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hi Detlef and , I greatly sympathize with the problems you are dealing with in your lives and I also sympathize with the many people who have tried or who are currently trying to help you. It often may seem that " rules and regulations " or " business " is getting in the way of connecting with a therapist and getting the help you seek. It seems like both of your current life experiences could benefit greatly from applying the ACT model. If you haven't had a chance yet I would highly recommend listening to the ACT In Context podcast. It is available on iTunes and the www.contextualpsychology.org website. Episode 7 is on " Mindfulness " and the guest is . He speaks a lot about applying " Mindfulness " in every day life but he also speaks about being a therapist and how he views his role as more of being an " invitation " to change more than anything else. I'm probably not doing it justice, so please do listen. It may give you some perspective on what it is like to be in the " other " chair. As a side note, my sister developed horrible hypochondriasis that took over her life. She burned through so many doctors it wasn't funny. She would call me multiple times a day after spending her hours on WebMD self-diagnosing, and suffering horribly. Let's just say her life was anything but vital. Slowly but surely with the help of ACT she has been able to start living a vital life again. Sure she still has the thoughts and feelings of having a dreaded disease(s) and she still has urges to call a doctor or go to the ER, but she is able to experience them fully now with the help of ACT and continue on with what she needs to do. Self compassion is a biggie, but values and commitment are just as important along with acceptance and defusion, especially if you truly want to live a life that is full and meaningful. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.