Guest guest Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Nice post...some thoughts I have to wonder if the cause of it, is believing this...I can definitely see how one would feel alone if they thought no one understands them, etc... " It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes " And to make matters worse, to hold it in place is often the belief, that if someone did, they would reject us Shame: The feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.. Which = lack of connection = feeling of loneliness But the irony is, that allowing our vulnerabilities to be shown, is what endears and connects us to people...just as it did with you and your sister, who you now " understand " much better thanks to her expressing it vc > > > > I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death. > >  > > My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.   How could she feel lonely? > >  > > Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone. > >  > > Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would " get her " in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that. > >  > > We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times. > >  > > Helena > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 vc: "I have to wonder if the cause of it, is believing this...I can definitely see how one would feel alone if they thought no one understands them, etc..." Yes, the cause of my sister's suffering is in the believing. I sent her The Happiness Trap, to which she responded "I don't like to read." I have to let go of my desire, my belief, that she 'should' believe as I do - that her thoughts do not have to be the source of her suffering. I can only offer comfort, knowing that she is truly lonely because she believes she is; her sense of shame and worthlessness is written all over her life. It does no good for me to think it should be otherwise; it is where she is, so I meet her there. Not that I don't keep trying to help her see things differently - not so much by telling her, to which she is resistant, but by showing her how much ACT has changed my life. We have always had a love/hate relationship. She looked up to me as her older and supposedly wiser sister, and I hated how she lived her life - it seems she magnified and acted out all my worst faults. I did not like seeing myself in her; after all, I took the high road most of the time while she never made the effort. I now suppose that she just couldn't, that she did the best she could. I accept her totally now for who she is - no more judgments or comparisons, no more trying to change her. Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, August 6, 2011 10:08:53 PMSubject: Re: Loneliness Nice post...some thoughtsI have to wonder if the cause of it, is believing this...I can definitely see how one would feel alone if they thought no one understands them, etc..."It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes"And to make matters worse, to hold it in place is often the belief, that if someone did, they would reject usShame: The feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging..Which = lack of connection = feeling of lonelinessBut the irony is, that allowing our vulnerabilities to be shown, is what endears and connects us to people...just as it did with you and your sister, who you now "understand" much better thanks to her expressing itvc>> > > I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death. > >  > > My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.   How could she feel lonely? > >  > > Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone. > >  > > Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would "get her" in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that. > >  > > We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times. > >  > > Helena> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 That's really beautiful Helena... Now if we could just do that with ourselves > > > > > > > > I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death. > > > >  > > > > My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.   How could she feel lonely? > > > >  > > > > Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone. > > > >  > > > > Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would " get her " in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that. > > > >  > > > > We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times. > > > >  > > > > Helena > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 Now if we could just do that with ourselves :)So true! So very true! Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, August 7, 2011 11:41:09 AMSubject: Re: Loneliness That's really beautiful Helena...Now if we could just do that with ourselves > > > > > > > > I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death. > > > >  > > > > My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.   How could she feel lonely? > > > >  > > > > Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone. > > > >  > > > > Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would "get her" in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that. > > > >  > > > > We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times. > > > >  > > > > Helena > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 I'm not comparing, but that is one beautiful rainbow. (See my post of today, 8/10/11). - R. > > > > I think I have a better understanding about loneliness today, after talking to my sister. Loneliness is not about being alone, nor about wishing you had more people nearby and around you. At least, it's not ONLY about that. It is about feeling alone, being alone in your soul, when no one else can possibly understand how you think, how you feel, how you walk or crawl in your shoes.  Like when you're facing imminent death. > >  > > My sister called me early this morning. She is suffering with many health problems and needs daily nursing care at home. She is in constant severe pain. She cried and cried about how lonely she was. I didn't understand how she could be lonely. She has lots of people around her--her kids and her caretakers stopping in every day, her phone and doorbell constantly ringing, people bringing her treats and gifts.   How could she feel lonely? > >  > > Then it hit me. She is lonely because she knows that her time on earth will end soon and nobody can get into her shoes and feel the way she does. She is facing death. Everybody who does that is alone.  I've heard it said that you are never more alone than when you arrive on this earth and when you leave it. You make that journey, in both cases, totally helpless and alone, not knowing what is at the end of the journey in either case. Totally helpless. Alone. > >  > > Searching my brain for what to say and what to do, I gently and carefully broached the subject of her death, how she thought she might die in the end. She seemed eager to talk about it. She told me exactly what she thought would " get her " in the end and how she didn't want any heroic life support measures, if it came to that. I'm glad I was there with her to discuss that. I'm glad we were able to talk about death. She needed to do that. > >  > > We ended up laughing like we did when we were kids - big belly laughs, just like old times. > >  > > Helena > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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