Re: Shyness, low self esteem, and pent up rage.

[Guest guest]

hang in there kaivey.    I know how you feel.

o

Shyness, low self esteem, and pent up rage.

A collegue at work said that cutting things to me, which he does to lots of

people as it is his nature, but this time I shouted at him telling him to never

talk to me like that again. After this a row erupted and I verbally gave him

what for. He was very upset after but I think it is his fault. I never talk to

anyone rudely and I go to great lengths to make poeple feel okay, even when they

make a silly mistakes. I can't say a horrible thing to anyone ever except when I

really provoked, then there may come a point when I explode.

It's weird because when other people explode I don't think they are being bad,

but when I do I feel I am completely and utterly wrong to have done so, and also

that there is something wrong with me.

There are poeple at work no one would say a nasty thing to because they are hard

and the the offender would most certainly cop it. I think they pick on me

because I am too passive, so they think they can push me around and get a way

with it. Also, my low self esteem - or my low oppinion of myself - makes them

believe that I am worthless too. I get fed up with being treated like this. 

I'm different to most people I work with: I read a serious newspaper, read heavy

books on economics and politics, I like ACT because I find it celebral, I am not

that interested in sport, and I'm a vegan. Still I don't mind being different

because I find my life interesting (celebral).

I know feel an enormous amount of pent up rage, a rage that has been going on

all my life. I can feel it going back to how much I hated my parents when I was

little, which is probably the reason why I had hardly affection for them when I

got older. Probably every person with low self esteem has this type of rage

locked inside. Now this rage is tearing me apart, but should I feel it, or

should I dissapate it? It seems wiser to dissapate it.

Kv

 

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[Guest guest]

You shouldn't feel bad for releasing your emotions like so and nothing is wrong

with you because you did so. It's natural to vent, it's your mind telling you

otherwise.

I'm an extremely passive and shy person as well, partly because I found comfort

in staying in my head from very young. But I realized that staying in my head

coupled with my passive nature led me to suppress and struggle with my emotions.

In turn, this led to a low self-esteem and very negative opinions toward myself.

It turned me judgmental, bitter, and closed off towards others which went

against something I valued, helping others who deserve help. I lost sight of

what I truly value and being amidst my quarter-life crisis, life seemed hopeless

and futile. I blamed my grandparents, parents, and everyone who had some kind of

influence in my life for the way I was. My feelings of resentment and isolation

intensified.

It wasn't until I learned about ACT that I realized what I was just stuck in my

head analyzing and judging everything that I wasn't aware of what was going on

around me and less aware of what was going on inside me. Those feelings of

resentment and isolation wasn't going anywhere because I kept unwillingly

dwelling on it. The same was true for my low self-esteem because I kept

reinforcing that " negative " perspective.

I haven't been practicing mindfulness for very long, maybe since May this year,

but I found it has definitely helped me deal with my thoughts and emotions a lot

more effectively. Feelings of resentment and isolation still come but every time

they do, I turn my focus to my breath as long as possible, then revert my focus

back to what I was doing before my mind led me to those feelings. Then I usually

laugh to myself for being so easily tricked by my mind to lighten the mood and

further distance myself.

Dissipation sounds like the logical solution but I think the only way you could

achieve that is through acceptance; acceptance of what can't be controlled and

mainly acceptance of yourself. Emotions are like wild animals, you can

domesticate some, but that doesn't change their biology. As long as you don't

let them harm others, by all means, take them for a walk.

>

> A collegue at work said that cutting things to me, which he does to lots of

people as it is his nature, but this time I shouted at him telling him to never

talk to me like that again. After this a row erupted and I verbally gave him

what for. He was very upset after but I think it is his fault. I never talk to

anyone rudely and I go to great lengths to make poeple feel okay, even when they

make a silly mistakes. I can't say a horrible thing to anyone ever except when I

really provoked, then there may come a point when I explode.

>

> It's weird because when other people explode I don't think they are being bad,

but when I do I feel I am completely and utterly wrong to have done so, and also

that there is something wrong with me.

>

> There are poeple at work no one would say a nasty thing to because they are

hard and the the offender would most certainly cop it. I think they pick on me

because I am too passive, so they think they can push me around and get a way

with it. Also, my low self esteem - or my low oppinion of myself - makes them

believe that I am worthless too. I get fed up with being treated like this.

>

> I'm different to most people I work with: I read a serious newspaper, read

heavy books on economics and politics, I like ACT because I find it celebral, I

am not that interested in sport, and I'm a vegan. Still I don't mind being

different because I find my life interesting (celebral).

>

> I know feel an enormous amount of pent up rage, a rage that has been going on

all my life. I can feel it going back to how much I hated my parents when I was

little, which is probably the reason why I had hardly affection for them when I

got older. Probably every person with low self esteem has this type of rage

locked inside. Now this rage is tearing me apart, but should I feel it, or

should I dissapate it? It seems wiser to dissapate it.

>

>

> Kv

>