Re: Self compassion / was Re: Re: NY Times article concerning a noted psychologist

[Guest guest]

Helena,

Thought you might like this extract from the book - it made me laugh..

'Once I had the experience of feeling hugely complimented and devastatingly criticised at the same time. I was visiting an equestrian centre with Rupert, ( her husband), a lifelong horseman, and the elderly Spanish riding instructor who ran the stable apparently liked my dark Mediterranean looks. In his desire to be gallant he paid me what he clearly thought was the highest compliment: " You are veerrrrrrry beautiful. Don't ever shave off your muuuustache". From Self Compassion e Neff.

Moral of the story. Stop comparing, opt out of the self esteem game and love yourself!

Simone

thanks...this stood out to me, and is something in which I find is the cause of much suffering...lack of true acceptance of oneself...continually condemning and trying to fix ourselves based on concepts of what we think we should* be like, rather than love and nurture ourselves based on what we are____

"One night I was kneeling in there, looking up at the cross, and the whole place became gold — and suddenly I felt something coming toward me," she said. "It was this shimmering experience, and I just ran back to my room and said, `I love myself.' It was the first time I remember talking to myself in the first person. I felt transformed."The high lasted about a year, before the feelings of devastation returned in the wake of a romance that ended. But something was different. She could now weather her emotional storms without cutting or harming herself.What had changed?It took years of study in psychology — she earned a Ph.D. at Loyola in 1971 — before she found an answer. On the surface, it seemed obvious: She had accepted herself as she was. She had tried to kill herself so many times because the gulf between the person she wanted to be and the person she was left her desperate, hopeless,

deeply homesick for a life she would never know. That gulf was real, and unbridgeable. No therapist could promise a quick transformation or even sudden "insight," much less a shimmering religious vision. But now Dr. Linehan was closing in on two seemingly opposed principles that could form the basis of a treatment: acceptance of life as it is, not as it is supposed to be; and the need to change, despite that reality and because of it. The only way to know for sure whether she had something more than a theory was to test it scientifically in the real world — and there was never any doubt where to start.

>

> This is an article about noted Psychologist, Marsha Linehan, that I found to be interesting. > > http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?pagewanted=all >

[Guest guest]

That IS funny! Thanks.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2011 9:56:28 AMSubject: Re: Self compassion / was Re: Re: NY Times article concerning a noted psychologist

Helena,

Thought you might like this extract from the book - it made me laugh..

'Once I had the experience of feeling hugely complimented and devastatingly criticised at the same time. I was visiting an equestrian centre with Rupert, ( her husband), a lifelong horseman, and the elderly Spanish riding instructor who ran the stable apparently liked my dark Mediterranean looks. In his desire to be gallant he paid me what he clearly thought was the highest compliment: " You are veerrrrrrry beautiful. Don't ever shave off your muuuustache". From Self Compassion e Neff.

Moral of the story. Stop comparing, opt out of the self esteem game and love yourself!

Simone

thanks...this stood out to me, and is something in which I find is the cause of much suffering...lack of true acceptance of oneself...continually condemning and trying to fix ourselves based on concepts of what we think we should* be like, rather than love and nurture ourselves based on what we are____

"One night I was kneeling in there, looking up at the cross, and the whole place became gold — and suddenly I felt something coming toward me," she said. "It was this shimmering experience, and I just ran back to my room and said, `I love myself.' It was the first time I remember talking to myself in the first person. I felt transformed."The high lasted about a year, before the feelings of devastation returned in the wake of a romance that ended. But something was different. She could now weather her emotional storms without cutting or harming herself.What had changed?It took years of study in psychology — she earned a Ph.D. at Loyola in 1971 — before she found an answer. On the surface, it seemed obvious: She had accepted herself as she was. She had tried to kill herself so many times because the gulf between the person she wanted to be and the person she was left her desperate, hopeless, deeply homesick for a life she would never know. That gulf was real, and unbridgeable. No therapist could promise a quick transformation or even sudden "insight," much less a shimmering religious vision. But now Dr. Linehan was closing in on two seemingly opposed principles that could form the basis of a treatment: acceptance of life as it is, not as it is supposed to be; and the need to change, despite that reality and because of it. The only way to know for sure whether she had something more than a theory was to test it scientifically in the real world — and there was never any doubt where to start.

>

> This is an article about noted Psychologist, Marsha Linehan, that I found to be interesting. > > http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?pagewanted=all >