Shyness and feeling inadequate.

[Guest guest]

Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social Confidence, by Lynne Confidence which is is mindfullness based.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength. I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive mortgage plus my fear that I would not cope very well with a job loss.

But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't caring so much about what people said or thought of me which felt like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battle raged on somewhere, but who carers. This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me - or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

Kv

[Guest guest]

Another mindfulness based book that looks rather good for helping with how I felt today:

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Beating-Yourself-Insecurity-Behind/dp/0061733512/ref=sr_1_1?s=books & ie=UTF8 & qid=1319051318 & sr=1-1

Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

Product Description

From leading psychologist Dr. Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion—and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.

This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.

kv

>> > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into> meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also> came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look for> another book and I liked this one called, Building Social Confidence, by> Lynne Confidence which is is mindfullness based.> > http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb> <http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb>> > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused> from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.> I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to> make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off for not> completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not bother> putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated in loads of> other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries when I had> to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues criticed me and> said I should stick up for myself more and I felt further humiliated,> but they don't have my history or my massive mortgage plus my fear that> I would not cope very well with a job loss.> > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying on> with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full pelt> and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I refused to> get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one saying cruel things> about me and laughing but my focus stayed on getting better at my job> and working at what I love the most which is playing my guitar and> keyboards (and being with my lovely girlfriend). I then realised that by> accepting and defusing I wasn't caring so much about what people said or> thought of me which felt like a lot of strength considering how> vulnerable I was. I also felt this remarkable braveness to be able to> cary on working tpwards my commitments and values uninterupted by what> was going on around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had> picked the chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the> battle raged on somewhere, but who carers. This seems to be the first> step on the ladder to asseriveness as I wasn't going to be put out by> what people thought or said about me - or what my inner critic said. I> shall leave it there but I felt all this hope. Sometimes you have to> start small and build up.> > Kv>

[Guest guest]

Thankyou for your kind word, Lou.

It is true that a close and loving relationship with someone special to

you can heal many scars. Despite how bad I sometimes feel about myself

my girlfreind thinks the world of me, and I can feel its wonderful

healing effect.

Kv

>

> Hi Kaivey,

> Â

> Â

> I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know

your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to

amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what

you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet

here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder

than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to

that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.

> Â

> Â

> Lou

> Â

> PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<

lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)

> Â

>

> From: Kaivey akaivey@...

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM

> Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

>

>

> Â

> Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into

meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also

came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look

for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social

Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is

mindfullness based.

> Â http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

> But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused

from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.

I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to

make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off

for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not

bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated

in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries

when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues

criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt

further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive

mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with

a job loss.

> But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying

on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full

pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I

refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one

saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on

getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which

is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely

girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't

caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ

like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt

this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â

my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on

around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the

chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ

raged on somewhere, but who carers.

> This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I

wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â

or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this

hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

> Kv

> Â

> Â

>

[Guest guest]

I am still stuck in my evalution of my reluctance to go out and do anything with

people. I am a little lonley. I just go home instead of the water exercise that

might help my back. I stretch at home trying light yogo poses but then fall

asleeep watching TV. Sometimes, it seems like if I dont talk to someone pretty

soon my vocal chords wont work. I tried mindfullness up to the decision of

deciding to go out but never make it to the pool. I say my values are good

health and a social network but I dont do anything about it. In some ways , I am

content going home alone. Confusion abotu what is best for me seems to be an

underlying theme.

Anyone else have this happen to them?

, " Kaivey " wrote:

>

>

> Thankyou for your kind word, Lou.

>

> It is true that a close and loving relationship with someone special to

> you can heal many scars. Despite how bad I sometimes feel about myself

> my girlfreind thinks the world of me, and I can feel its wonderful

> healing effect.

>

> Kv

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Kaivey,

> > Â

> > Â

> > I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know

> your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to

> amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what

> you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet

> here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder

> than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to

> that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.

> > Â

> > Â

> > Lou

> > Â

> > PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<

> lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)

> > Â

> >

> > From: Kaivey akaivey@

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM

> > Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

> >

> >

> > Â

> > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into

> meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also

> came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look

> for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social

> Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is

> mindfullness based.

> > Â http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

> > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused

> from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.

> I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to

> make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off

> for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not

> bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated

> in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries

> when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues

> criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt

> further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive

> mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with

> a job loss.

> > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying

> on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full

> pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I

> refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one

> saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on

> getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which

> is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely

> girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't

> caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ

> like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt

> this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â

> my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on

> around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the

> chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ

> raged on somewhere, but who carers.

> > This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I

> wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â

> or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this

> hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

> > Kv

> > Â

> > Â

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, this happens to me a lot. I have a lot of ambivalence about wanting to just be home alone with myself yet thinking I "should" be making more of an effort to be with others. All my life, I've been kind of a loner, always with my nose in a book or out playing by myself. That is part of my personality and it wasn't until I started deliberately shutting people out that it became a problem. That happened a few years ago after spending a decade with an abusive boyfriend. Those days are over now.

What I have decided to do about my ambivalence is just give up the struggle. If I am content with going home alone, then I go home alone and accept that as absolutely OK. If I decide to go out with others, then I feel good about that. In the long run, if you see that you are making some kind of progress in your actions toward your value of connection with others, then accept that as good enough -because IT IS. After I took the pressure off myself, I found myself more and more willing to make the decision to be with others when the opportunity arose.

You may be using your values of being healthy (or living healthy, as states it!) and having a social network to "should" on yourself - to beat yourself up when your mind tells your you aren't "doing it right." That's just another take on your mind telling you that you aren't good enough. If you feel content going home alone, then go home alone because that IS an option for you. Now if you HATE going home alone, that would tell you that you may not be acting toward your values. Lighten up on yourself. It has helped me tremendously to do that.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:07:34 AMSubject: Re: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

I am still stuck in my evalution of my reluctance to go out and do anything with people. I am a little lonley. I just go home instead of the water exercise that might help my back. I stretch at home trying light yogo poses but then fall asleeep watching TV. Sometimes, it seems like if I dont talk to someone pretty soon my vocal chords wont work. I tried mindfullness up to the decision of deciding to go out but never make it to the pool. I say my values are good health and a social network but I dont do anything about it. In some ways , I am content going home alone. Confusion abotu what is best for me seems to be an underlying theme.Anyone else have this happen to them?, "Kaivey" wrote:>> > Thankyou for your kind word, Lou.> > It is true that a close and loving relationship with someone special to> you can heal many scars. Despite how bad I sometimes feel about myself> my girlfreind thinks the world of me, and I can feel its wonderful> healing effect.> > Kv> > > > > > >> > Hi Kaivey,> > Â> > Â> > I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know> your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to> amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what> you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet> here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder> than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to> that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.> > Â> > Â> > Lou> > Â> > PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<> lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)> > Â> >> > From: Kaivey akaivey@> > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM> > Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.> >> >> > Â> > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into> meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also> came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look> for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social> Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is> mindfullness based.> >  http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb> > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused> from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.> I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to> make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off> for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not> bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated> in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries> when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues> criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt> further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive> mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with> a job loss.> > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying> on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full> pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I> refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one> saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on> getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which> is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely> girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't> caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ> like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt> this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â> my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on> around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the> chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ> raged on somewhere, but who carers.> > This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I> wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â> or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this> hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.> > Kv> > Â> > Â> >>

[Guest guest]

Having said all that, make sure you aren't rationalizing your behavior to justify it when it really isn't serving you well; that would be an avoidance technique. Only you can know if you are avoiding social experiences or being too hard on yourself when you choose to be alone.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:30:38 AMSubject: Re: Re: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

Yes, this happens to me a lot. I have a lot of ambivalence about wanting to just be home alone with myself yet thinking I "should" be making more of an effort to be with others. All my life, I've been kind of a loner, always with my nose in a book or out playing by myself. That is part of my personality and it wasn't until I started deliberately shutting people out that it became a problem. That happened a few years ago after spending a decade with an abusive boyfriend. Those days are over now.

What I have decided to do about my ambivalence is just give up the struggle. If I am content with going home alone, then I go home alone and accept that as absolutely OK. If I decide to go out with others, then I feel good about that. In the long run, if you see that you are making some kind of progress in your actions toward your value of connection with others, then accept that as good enough -because IT IS. After I took the pressure off myself, I found myself more and more willing to make the decision to be with others when the opportunity arose.

You may be using your values of being healthy (or living healthy, as states it!) and having a social network to "should" on yourself - to beat yourself up when your mind tells your you aren't "doing it right." That's just another take on your mind telling you that you aren't good enough. If you feel content going home alone, then go home alone because that IS an option for you. Now if you HATE going home alone, that would tell you that you may not be acting toward your values. Lighten up on yourself. It has helped me tremendously to do that.

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:07:34 AMSubject: Re: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

I am still stuck in my evalution of my reluctance to go out and do anything with people. I am a little lonley. I just go home instead of the water exercise that might help my back. I stretch at home trying light yogo poses but then fall asleeep watching TV. Sometimes, it seems like if I dont talk to someone pretty soon my vocal chords wont work. I tried mindfullness up to the decision of deciding to go out but never make it to the pool. I say my values are good health and a social network but I dont do anything about it. In some ways , I am content going home alone. Confusion abotu what is best for me seems to be an underlying theme.Anyone else have this happen to them?, "Kaivey" wrote:>> > Thankyou for your kind word, Lou.> > It is true that a close and loving relationship with someone special to> you can heal many scars. Despite how bad I sometimes feel about myself> my girlfreind thinks the world of me, and I can feel its wonderful> healing effect.> > Kv> > > > > > >> > Hi Kaivey,> > Â> > Â> > I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know> your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to> amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what> you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet> here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder> than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to> that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.> > Â> > Â> > Lou> > Â> > PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<> lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)> > Â> >> > From: Kaivey akaivey@> > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM> > Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.> >> >> > Â> > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into> meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also> came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look> for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social> Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is> mindfullness based.> >  http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb> > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused> from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.> I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to> make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off> for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not> bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated> in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries> when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues> criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt> further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive> mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with> a job loss.> > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying> on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full> pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I> refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one> saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on> getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which> is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely> girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't> caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ> like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt> this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â> my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on> around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the> chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ> raged on somewhere, but who carers.> > This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I> wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â> or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this> hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.> > Kv> > Â> > Â> >>

[Guest guest]

I know I often have that kind of ambivalence around values-based behaviors. Sometimes it helps me to break the activity into smaller steps and gradually work my way up to it by adding a new step every week or whatever.I don't think I have ever gotten to the point where I would rather get up earlier for my workout than lay in bed a bit more, but I have no confusion about which is best for me! In values vs. comfort, my own tug'o'war is pretty much a fact of life, I guess....DiPhoned to you!

I am still stuck in my evalution of my reluctance to go out and do anything with people. I am a little lonley. I just go home instead of the water exercise that might help my back. I stretch at home trying light yogo poses but then fall asleeep watching TV. Sometimes, it seems like if I dont talk to someone pretty soon my vocal chords wont work. I tried mindfullness up to the decision of deciding to go out but never make it to the pool. I say my values are good health and a social network but I dont do anything about it. In some ways , I am content going home alone. Confusion abotu what is best for me seems to be an underlying theme.

Anyone else have this happen to them?

, "Kaivey" wrote:

>

>

> Thankyou for your kind word, Lou.

>

> It is true that a close and loving relationship with someone special to

> you can heal many scars. Despite how bad I sometimes feel about myself

> my girlfreind thinks the world of me, and I can feel its wonderful

> healing effect.

>

> Kv

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi Kaivey,

> > Â

> > Â

> > I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know

> your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to

> amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what

> you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet

> here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder

> than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to

> that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.

> > Â

> > Â

> > Lou

> > Â

> > PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<

> lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)

> > Â

> >

> > From: Kaivey akaivey@

> > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM

> > Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

> >

> >

> > Â

> > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into

> meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also

> came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look

> for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social

> Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is

> mindfullness based.

> > Â http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

> > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused

> from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.

> I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to

> make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off

> for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not

> bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated

> in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries

> when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues

> criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt

> further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive

> mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with

> a job loss.

> > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying

> on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full

> pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I

> refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one

> saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on

> getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which

> is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely

> girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't

> caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ

> like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt

> this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â

> my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on

> around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the

> chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ

> raged on somewhere, but who carers.

> > This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I

> wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â

> or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this

> hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

> > Kv

> > Â

> > Â

> >

>