Re: It's my mind telling me..../Apology

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Helena. Some useful advice and thoughts!

 

Apology for my delay in responding. Bad timing. I posted while away looking

after my aged mother and my laptop died on me while away.

I am now home but horribly behind with so many things and it will take me a

while to catch up.

 

I guess some of what I wrote was related to my OCD and an honesty obsession. I

may have written before that for many people I know with OCD those things you

value are the very things we need to watch out for. I suppose we need to hold

our values lightly and that can be extremely difficult. So often here looking at

what you value seems to be presented as unproblematic. But what if those values

you hold dearly are what trigger all those unhelpful thoughts? I guess much of

my OCD is about ethical concerns and values.

 

The other OCD related point I made was the danger of something becoming a

compulsive reassurance mechanism viz. repeating to yourself that it is only

your mind telling you something can so easily become a compulsion if you have

OCD.

 

Thanks again,

 

Soozy

 

 

 

 

>To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >

>Sent: Thursday, 23 June 2011, 12:38

>Subject: Re: It's my mind telling me....

>

> 

>So it seems to come down to whether or not your mind is telling you the truth

- and how to know the difference.  And I think that may be a learned skill that

comes from becoming aware of whether your mind is working toward your values or

against them.

> 

>1) Scenario 1:  My mind is telling me this, and it is true: 

>a) Is the thought helpful to me in living my values?  If so, believe it and

act accordingly. 

> Is it true and also harmful to living according to my values?  Then it's

an opportunity to examine the thought to see how you might use it to work

toward your values and not against them.  For example, I express myself

insensitively to people at times, and that is true but it does not help my value

of having positive connections with others.  So I own that, become conscious

and aware of it, and determine that it is in my best interest to think before I

pop out with whatever comes into my mind - but I kick out the accompanying

untrue thought that I am a bad person and not worthy of having friends.  The

true but negative thought is a teacher, an opportunity to hone my behavior to

honor my values.  And so I deliberately, repeatedly act to validate others;

e.g., tell someone how much their assistance meant to me on a work project,

warmly smile at the homeless person on the street or at the mother with the

screaming child, etc.  In time, the

negative behavior will subside as it is replaced with " acts of kindness " as a

result of my deliberate actions. 

> 

>2) Scenario 2: My mind is telling me this, and it's not true.  So it's JUST my

mind going off on a silly tangent.  For example, the self talk that nobody

likes me; I have no value.  Now that's not true, so I say " Thanks, mind; I 

think I'll just notice that thought without buying into it! "  

> 

>Hope this might help.

> 

>Helena

> 

> 

>

> 

>

>To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

>Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2011 3:23:06 AM

>Subject: Re: It's my mind telling me....

>

> 

>I have a horrible feeling that someone will come down on me for pointing out a

difficulty I have sometimes with this " it's my mind telling me " turn of phrase.

But maybe it's just my mind telling me that<smile>.

>

>I certainly don't want to argue with Bruce's helpful point and way of looking

at things below. I am just using his post as an example to illustrate the

potential difficulty with this " it's my mind telling me " approach.

>

>It's just that it was also Bruce's mind telling him that he actually does have

a fair number of friends. In other words our experience is only available to us

also with the use of our mind. So whatever we experience is also filtered by/

made possible with the use of our minds.

>

>It's just noticeable to me that the phrase " my mind is telling me " is only used

here when we see what we are expereiencing as aversive and therefore something

we feel the need to challenge. OK, so the aim is not to challenge it but if we

only remind ourselves that " it's my mind telling me " when it's something

unpleasant, isn't that a bit dishonest?

>

>Why don't we also say " it's my mind telling me " if it's something pleasant like

having the thought that we are popular? Or assessing our experiences re.

popularity, being loved etc..

>

>To be absolutely honest I do question my perception all the time maybe

especially when I get sudden positive feelings about being acceptable to

others.

>

>It just sound to me as if " it's my mind telling me " could become some sort of

compulsive reassurance mantra.

>

>S.

>

>Not trying to be controversial just

>>Bruce, you said, “I also feel like I have a hard time connecting with

people.  I look around and it seems like everyone else has an easier

time.â€Â Â How confirming for me to experience from you, not just think, that I

am not alone with this.  Thank you for that.  You also said:  “sometimes

it's the case that they want to be closer to me and I'm the one who

resists.â€Â Â This suggests “fear of intimacy,†for which defusion and

compassionate acceptance of feelings are helpful to me.  Have you been working

with these?

>