Guest guest Posted October 24, 2011 Report Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hi, Neil- It would be astonishing if you *weren't* suffering in your present circumstances. There is a notion called 'destructive normality,' or 'the truth of suffering'. It means that we can live happy, valued lives at the same time we live in a world full of suffering; and we can do that by identify for ourselves what a 'valued life' means for each of us. The beauty of this is that we don't have to resolve our issues before we start living the life we would like to live, and being the person we would like to be. We can do all of this, simultaneously. I practice 'defusion' as much as I can, by noticing my thoughts as they arise as 'thoughts'. It really does help, sometimes immediately. It's pretty simple, but rarely 'easy'. Tuna finding it hard Hi My name is Neil and I am new to this group. I was recommended ACT by a counsellor I once saw and although it was a while ago I'm just getting around to using it but I must admit I'm find it hard to defuse my thoughts. I've only been using it for a few days but as I am an impatient person anyway I'm being hard on myself because I'm not seeing much results yet. I know its not designed to make me feel better or get rid of the thoughts but to 'distance' myself from my negative thoughts, i guess it will take time and a bit of persistence to release myself from this constant negativity. I have had a bit of a hard last 3 years since I moved to England from Scotland to be with my partner. I come from a very rural area in Scotland and was thrust in to Birmingham city centre, at first it was fun but once the reality had set in that this was my new home I didnt take to it very well. We now stay in Stourbridge which is a lot nicer than Birmingham city centre but I have seriously struggled with work since I moved here and havent held down a full time job for 3 years. I have been working part time but now I am unemployed and looking for work which is scaring me as all my negative thoughts from previous bad experiences from work are coming flooding back. I did start a job last week but I only lasted 3 days as I was put under a fair bit of pressure and I couldnt handle it. My partner and I are going to move to Scotland possibly next year but at the moment the only job I can really get is driving Forklift trucks in an industrial environment where the atmosphere and general feeling tends to be hostile which I absolutley hate! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing we are going to move to Scotland next year as I feel it is my home up there, I feel confident and relaxed there. Anyway enough of my rambling on, I would love to meet up with or chat to any other sufferers out there who can understand my situation. Neil from Stourbridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 24, 2011 Report Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hi neil:-)Tuna did such a wonderful job in her email, i am not sure if i have anything to add. Perhaps a welcome from my side:-)<<<anyway I'm being hard on myself because I'm not seeing much results yet>>>There is no 'results' per say, U make ur own results, that's the beauty of it. 'recognising' that u r being tough on urself, right there is a positive result. So u already moved a step forward, without even knowing it:-)alternative reaction would be, be easy on urself when u r practising defusion. do it with no expectations. Do it only becoz u wish to try another alternative. No loss. Perhaps no gain initially, yet no loss. and u alreday know defusion is not a technique to rid the painful thought, but it is simply to change ur relationsip with the thought. It won't rid painful feelings either, but it will eventually reduce their impact on ur behaviour. I personally believe all this is gonna make u feel better, but feel better WITH/DESPITE any pain being present. coz u will soon begin to realize that the pain won't be the focal point of ur experience, as there will be so much more to expereince in every moment. Eventually u will become an expert in controlling what is infact in ur control, and learning to simply let go of what is not in ur control. wasalaam:-) -K Designs. finding it hard Hi My name is Neil and I am new to this group. I was recommended ACT by a counsellor I once saw and although it was a while ago I'm just getting around to using it but I must admit I'm find it hard to defuse my thoughts. I've only been using it for a few days but as I am an impatient person anyway I'm being hard on myself because I'm not seeing much results yet. I know its not designed to make me feel better or get rid of the thoughts but to 'distance' myself from my negative thoughts, i guess it will take time and a bit of persistence to release myself from this constant negativity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 Hi Neil.A warm welcome to the group, Neil. Sorry to hear of the troubles you've been facing.Defusion needs loads of practice, but as Tuna said it is quite simple and just needs patience. I would start over the next few days by "noticing 5 things" as often as you can. It's a really good easy exercise that can help you to see the difference between what the ACT people call the "observing self" and the "thinking self". The "thinking self" is what analyses all the negative thoughts that crop up. It is pretty much uncontrollable, and it is often harsh and subjective. Your "thinking self" has been telling you how hard it will be to get a job and to keep it, and it has been dwelling on your past experiences a lot. It has its uses, but all-in-all it's a bit of a bugger. The "observing self", in contrast, can be thought of as "awareness" or "focus". This is far more within your control, and it is not subjective: it is just "aware".Defusion is the process of letting your "observing self" butt in on the "thinking self", and decide to change focus and awareness onto other things that are more important to you. One day this week, go to a park bench. Think of some of the negative thoughts you've been having. Be aware of them, and how they make you feel. Then, notice 5 things, one with each of your senses. Notice the vibrant autumn trees. Notice the sound of the wind rustling through the piles of fallen leaves on the floor. Notice the uneveness of the bench you are sitting on and how it makes your skin feel. Keep going, keep noticing. What has happened to all those thoughts previously about your job? Be clear - they are still there, aren't they? You can't make them go away. But you can change your focus onto other things that are here, now, in the present moment. Watch you get "hooked" by the bad thoughts, but then bring yourself back the "now" by noticing what's in front of you.Give it a go. There are lots of defusion strategies out there, but this is not a sprint so I would start with something like the above.Do let us all know how you get on.Best wishesTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Monday, 24 October 2011, 17:43Subject: finding it hardHi My name is Neil and I am new to this group. I was recommended ACT by a counsellor I once saw and although it was a while ago I'm just getting around to using it but I must admit I'm find it hard to defuse my thoughts. I've only been using it for a few days but as I am an impatient person anyway I'm being hard on myself because I'm not seeing much results yet.I know its not designed to make me feel better or get rid of the thoughts but to 'distance' myself from my negative thoughts, i guess it will take time and a bit of persistence to release myself from this constant negativity.I have had a bit of a hard last 3 years since I moved to England from Scotland to be with my partner. I come from a very rural area in Scotland and was thrust in to Birmingham city centre, at first it was fun but once the reality had set in that this was my new home I didnt take to it very well.We now stay in Stourbridge which is a lot nicer than Birmingham city centre but I have seriously struggled with work since I moved here and havent held down a full time job for 3 years. I have been working part time but now I am unemployed and looking for work which is scaring me as all my negative thoughts from previous bad experiences from work are coming flooding back. I did start a job last week but I only lasted 3 days as I was put under a fair bit of pressure and I couldnt handle it. My partner and I are going to move to Scotland possibly next year but at the moment the only job I can really get is driving Forklift trucks in an industrial environment where the atmosphere and general feeling tends to be hostile which I absolutley hate! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing we are going to move to Scotland next year as I feel it is my home up there, I feel confident and relaxed there.Anyway enough of my rambling on, I would love to meet up with or chat to any other sufferers out there who can understand my situation.Neil from Stourbridge.------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 Very good post, , and it just happens to neatly summarize what my therapist and I discussed yesterday. It is quite simple; what isn't as simple is noticing when the "thinking self" dominates. As you mention, it takes a lot of practice, and we need to remind ourselves of that constantly.Regards,Detlef>> Hi Neil.> > A warm welcome to the group, Neil. Sorry to hear of the troubles you've been facing.> > Defusion needs loads of practice, but as Tuna said it is quite simple and just needs patience. I would start over the next few days by "noticing 5 things" as often as you can. It's a really good easy exercise that can help you to see the difference between what the ACT people call the "observing self" and the "thinking self". > > > The "thinking self" is what analyses all the negative thoughts that crop up. It is pretty much uncontrollable, and it is often harsh and subjective. Your "thinking self" has been telling you how hard it will be to get a job and to keep it, and it has been dwelling on your past experiences a lot. It has its uses, but all-in-all it's a bit of a bugger. > > > The "observing self", in contrast, can be thought of as "awareness" or "focus". This is far more within your control, and it is not subjective: it is just "aware".> > Defusion is the process of letting your "observing self" butt in on the "thinking self", and decide to change focus and awareness onto other things that are more important to you. > > > One day this week, go to a park bench. Think of some of the negative thoughts you've been having. Be aware of them, and how they make you feel. Then, notice 5 things, one with each of your senses. Notice the vibrant autumn trees. Notice the sound of the wind rustling through the piles of fallen leaves on the floor. Notice the uneveness of the bench you are sitting on and how it makes your skin feel. Keep going, keep noticing. What has happened to all those thoughts previously about your job? Be clear - they are still there, aren't they? You can't make them go away. But you can change your focus onto other things that are here, now, in the present moment. Watch you get "hooked" by the bad thoughts, but then bring yourself back the "now" by noticing what's in front of you.> > Give it a go. There are lots of defusion strategies out there, but this is not a sprint so I would start with something like the above.> > Do let us all know how you get on.> > Best wishes> > > > > > > > ________________________________> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Monday, 24 October 2011, 17:43> Subject: finding it hard> > Hi > > My name is Neil and I am new to this group. I was recommended ACT by a counsellor I once saw and although it was a while ago I'm just getting around to using it but I must admit I'm find it hard to defuse my thoughts. I've only been using it for a few days but as I am an impatient person anyway I'm being hard on myself because I'm not seeing much results yet.> I know its not designed to make me feel better or get rid of the thoughts but to 'distance' myself from my negative thoughts, i guess it will take time and a bit of persistence to release myself from this constant negativity.> > I have had a bit of a hard last 3 years since I moved to England from Scotland to be with my partner. I come from a very rural area in Scotland and was thrust in to Birmingham city centre, at first it was fun but once the reality had set in that this was my new home I didnt take to it very well.> > We now stay in Stourbridge which is a lot nicer than Birmingham city centre but I have seriously struggled with work since I moved here and havent held down a full time job for 3 years. I have been working part time but now I am unemployed and looking for work which is scaring me as all my negative thoughts from previous bad experiences from work are coming flooding back. I did start a job last week but I only lasted 3 days as I was put under a fair bit of pressure and I couldnt handle it. My partner and I are going to move to Scotland possibly next year but at the moment the only job I can really get is driving Forklift trucks in an industrial environment where the atmosphere and general feeling tends to be hostile which I absolutley hate! The only thing that keeps me going is knowing we are going to move to Scotland next year as I feel it is my home up there, I feel confident and relaxed there.> > Anyway enough of my rambling on, I would love to meet up with or chat to any other sufferers out there who can understand my situation.> > Neil from Stourbridge.> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > > > http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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