Practising whatever u learn:-)

[Guest guest]

hi group:-)

I am dying to tell ya guys how my lecture went yesterday:-)but b4 i do that, i

wanted to just mention an expereince i had a few days back, thursday night at

my public speaking class.

the reason, while my knowledge about ACT is not much at all, what has helped me

immsensely is practising (with my actions) with whatever i know. and practising

with the right intenstion in mind (not for the intention of the anxiety one day

dissapear)

putting into preactise with whetever u know, even if it is little, is the key, i

believe. just like mindfulness exercises, unless u practise it enough u will not

really know or 'feel' what it like when u put ur thinking self in the background

and 'r able to connect directly' with ur observing self.

so here's what happened:

1 was talking to one of the members. she was telling me how her summer was, her

visit to her family etc etc..i was listening and smilling, and all of a sudden

my jaw started trembling (painful/unpleasant sensation).

My thinking self kicked in- " oh shoot, my jaw is trembling " ,..as soon as my mind

said that, then my right eye started twitching (i didn't just notice the

initial sensation, my mind also registered it as something 'unpleasant'.

now my observing self was too focused on my minds commentary, so i got distrated

from the present moment & what was goin on then (the lady narrating her story).

then i 'tried' to focus on it, but then again my mind was trying too hard coz

the thought was " sarah, FOCUS, focus on the present moment, what's going on

right now, focus on the conversation " .

so my mind was 'forcing' me to focus. this was not helping. it was almost like i

was still 'struggling' with simply experecing the sensation of jaw trembling,

and was trying to get myself to 'focus' on the present moment so to speak , for

the desire for the trembling jaw to subside.

this struggle went on for a 1 min...then i thought to myself, not working...and

instead of saying something like " thanks mind " i said " stop struggling, LET

GO " .....then as soon as i focused on expanding to give enough room for the

unpleasant(which had by now become painful) sensation to JUST BE, and LET IT BE,

then i found my

observing self kick in, she was talking about her nieces, and how she made

cupcakes with em , and i could mnmmjhgfdsw6her sitting down with the girls, and

pouringthe the dough and putting it in the oven and then putting sprinkles etc

etc.. so i was in the convo. now. at that time i don't know when the jaw stopped

trembling, when the eye stopped twiching, i can't even tell u for sure if it my

jaw EVEN stopped trembling or not, i have no recollection, coz it wasn't imp. to

me at all, what was imp. was me being there fully at that present moment and

focusing on what was actually hapening, the lady telling me a story and me

enjoying listening to it.

all and all, that expercine said nothing about me, i didn't think it necesaary

to judge/evaluate the expreince as good or bad either.

it was interesting to me though, coz personally what i leanrt from it was

everytime i go out to actually put " my ACT " to practise, i realize that there is

no sequence, there is no one act technique, there is no specific technique, i

use.

When anxiety attack is too much, sometimes i can't remember diffusion,

expansion, connecting, all i can is 'welcome' anxiety, my old freind " ...which

means indirectely i am really doing defusion,expansion etc etc. if i get too

caught up in the terms and what they stand for, again i am getting 'caught up'

no matter what i plan, in real time, what i do might not even be the same.

thursday night, it was simply saying " sarah ur struggling, LET GO "

b4 i went to give my lecture to the muslim women satruday, the action i was

about to take was such a BIG THING in my eyes. the anxiety the night b4 was very

high:-), so i knew that it would have been overwhelming for me to recall

defusiing, expanding, connecting with the observing self , present moment etc .e

ct..so what i did was, b4 leaving, reflected on the concept of " self as

context " and i did the exercise that dr. steven hayes had posted here by the

other Dr. and i cancelled out 1 point at a time until i was finally left with " I

AM. " and thought to myself what dr. hayes asked " if tomorrow i were to wake up

in the body of an avatar, would i still be me? "

so left with just one tool with me, " I AM. "

so sometimes i find myself taking leaps, sometimes it's baby steps, it's random.

i don't think i need to take leaps, neither do i think there hasta be a

seqeunce, a hierchy. as long as i am taking some action, if it is connected to a

value i am alwways more 'willing' to expreince whatever it is i experince coz

the reason means so much to me deep in my heart. e.g. satruday lecture.

i also take action, if the value in it is not 'as' imp.sometimes, yet i want

to do it for the purpose of 'practising' the skill of 'expanding to make room

for the unplesant thoughts/feelings/sensations', coz to me there is diff.

between knowing the tools, and actually practising them. (e.g. my public

speaking meetings.)

like i believe dr. harris says, from reading how to drive, u still wont know it,

unless u get on the wheels.

the more u practice the easier it getz 'to be willing, to accept and to expand,

and the more naturally it starts coming to u.'

wasalaam:-)