Re: Love addiction?

[Guest guest]

Oh, and I can't even date others, because my kid shot me in the eye with nerf gun yesterday and my eye is all red and teary.. so there is not much I can do, objectively.

Thank you everyone responding to my last thread, it allowed me to look at my problem differently.

Now the next one. I seem to jump from one love addiction to another; all very unhealthy. This time, it's not the worst, just weird: it's someone I came across on a dating site and never even met in person yet. He is out of state and will be driving in next week, hopefully.

I try to go on Starbucks " dates " often enough to know that almost no one looks in real life as good as they do on the picture, and the few who do probably won't like me (because same is true for me). So I try not to get emotionally involved, see it as a game, take it easy, and it usually works. All of the sudden, I am totally obsessed over someone. I think about him 24/7, drive myself to exhaustion and am not functional at all, just waste day after day. And I know from experience that 1) 9 chances out of 10 that I won't even like him, and 2) 10 chances out of 10 that if I obsess over him, I lose him even if I do.. we've got to be on the same page, and I am a lousy actress.

So what's the ACT way? Allow myself to think about him, but pursue my values? How is it even possible? Those two things seem incompatible. If I think about him, I am incapacitated.

[Guest guest]

Lastly, it's not like I don't have options. I have much more interesting people all around who express interest. Finding a mate is certainly my value, yet I am procrastinating on that. What's going on with me?

Oh, and I can't even date others, because my kid shot me in the eye with nerf gun yesterday and my eye is all red and teary.. so there is not much I can do, objectively.

Thank you everyone responding to my last thread, it allowed me to look at my problem differently.Now the next one. I seem to jump from one love addiction to another; all very unhealthy. This time, it's not the worst, just weird: it's someone I came across on a dating site and never even met in person yet. He is out of state and will be driving in next week, hopefully.

I try to go on Starbucks " dates " often enough to know that almost no one looks in real life as good as they do on the picture, and the few who do probably won't like me (because same is true for me). So I try not to get emotionally involved, see it as a game, take it easy, and it usually works. All of the sudden, I am totally obsessed over someone. I think about him 24/7, drive myself to exhaustion and am not functional at all, just waste day after day. And I know from experience that 1) 9 chances out of 10 that I won't even like him, and 2) 10 chances out of 10 that if I obsess over him, I lose him even if I do.. we've got to be on the same page, and I am a lousy actress.

So what's the ACT way? Allow myself to think about him, but pursue my values? How is it even possible? Those two things seem incompatible. If I think about him, I am incapacitated.

[Guest guest]

My experience is that we fall in love with our own images of someone. A first date might be a great time to practice mindfulness....D

 

Thank you everyone responding to my last thread, it allowed me to look at my problem differently.Now the next one. I seem to jump from one love addiction to another; all very unhealthy. This time, it's not the worst, just weird: it's someone I came across on a dating site and never even met in person yet. He is out of state and will be driving in next week, hopefully.

I try to go on Starbucks " dates " often enough to know that almost no one looks in real life as good as they do on the picture, and the few who do probably won't like me (because same is true for me). So I try not to get emotionally involved, see it as a game, take it easy, and it usually works. All of the sudden, I am totally obsessed over someone. I think about him 24/7, drive myself to exhaustion and am not functional at all, just waste day after day. And I know from experience that 1) 9 chances out of 10 that I won't even like him, and 2) 10 chances out of 10 that if I obsess over him, I lose him even if I do.. we've got to be on the same page, and I am a lousy actress.

So what's the ACT way? Allow myself to think about him, but pursue my values? How is it even possible? Those two things seem incompatible. If I think about him, I am incapacitated.