Re: Being drawn to suffering and drama

[Guest guest]

I can partially relate to what you are describing.

I labeled this type of behavior in myself as an experiential avoidance strategy,

after reading about the topic in GOOYMAIYL.

Understanding this has helped me by giving me space so that I can choose not to

continue down the path that ultimately I do not want to take. I ask myself "

what is it (whose attention, etc.) do I really want? " . I usually get an answer

and it disarms me.

I hope you find this helpful.

>

> I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a

> batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to

> function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a

> drama queen.

>

> Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

> polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp as a

> razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying to

> impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed and

> changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it

> last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his

> politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't mind

> political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!

>

> Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling for

> men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company of

> men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very

> unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.

>

> So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one moron

> from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief and

> took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He would

> not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is rushing

> and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.

>

> What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in

> the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or

> event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what

> does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my

> life?

>

[Guest guest]

I was tired when I wrote that and did not know how to say that when I feel like

that it can induce mania in me without suggesting that this might be happening

to you.

Years ago you would read about the masochistic personality, which was a freudian

term, where these people beat themselves up and make themselves suffer believing

that will make them into good people. I always hated the term but recently I

noticed that I work too hard and it seems to be a form of punishment I give to

myself for not being good enough. It's like, 'take this you s*d, get it right

this time!!!'

I don't know how this relates to your post but I do feel that I am not working

towards my best interest either, and that I sabbotage myself. I have sort of

given up trying to fight my perfectionism right now - I just want to be good at

things and I can't stop myself.

Thanks for your intersting post which I can fully relate too.

Kv

> > >

> > > I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a

> > > batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to

> > > function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a

> > > drama queen.

> > >

> > > Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look

> > > polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp

> > as a

> > > razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying

> > to

> > > impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed

> > and

> > > changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it

> > > last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his

> > > politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't

> > mind

> > > political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!

> > >

> > > Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling

> > for

> > > men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company

> > of

> > > men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very

> > > unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.

> > >

> > > So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one

> > moron

> > > from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief

> > and

> > > took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He

> > would

> > > not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is

> > rushing

> > > and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.

> > >

> > > What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in

> > > the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or

> > > event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what

> > > does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my

> > > life?

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Very cool questions and interesting reactions from others.Can I ask this just by way of exploration: what happens if you DON " T do the drama thing in situations in which you might?See if you can find some times you might have and instead you did not.

What happens then (emotionally; cognitively; behaviorally; what does it remind you of;how old do you feel).You can also do this in imagination: take turning points in your date and in imagination change

the course in the opposite direction. Slow it down -- don't let it get too conceptual or " problem solving " like.Let you gut sense create the image of what it would be like ... and then gently look to see.

What happens then (emotionally; cognitively; behaviorally; what does it remind you of;

how old do you feel).May be out of commission for a few days (could even be a couple of weeks)but will try to check back in later- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298

University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind

Huffington Post  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: 

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes

or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost if up to your own values.

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I find myself drawn to situations where I get emotinally hurt, like a batterfly to fire. Perhaps my mind is used to adrenaline and needs it to function properly, so it self-stimulates this way. In other words, I am a drama queen.

 Case in point. Yesterday, I did an awesome haircut, made myself look polished head to toe, and went on first date with an awesome guy. Sharp as a razor, tall, gorgeous, successful and filthy rich red-head. He was trying to impress me with his real estate mini-empire, I refused to be impressed  and changed subject. He was eliciting sympathy, telling me how hard he had it last night, I showed none. Worst of all, I disagreed with him on his politics as if I was just waiting for the chance to; and I really don't mind political disagreements myself. I can't stop doing those things!

 Nevertheless, this date made me feel very confident and I went trolling for men, had someone buy me a drink and was introduced into a large company of men and women all of whom seemed to think I am a riot - which is very unusual for me. Today, too, I had a feeling I can have any man.

 So what do I do with all this ego boost? I write a letter to the one moron from the past who would not give me time of day, who thinks I am a thief and took advantage of him, practically begging him for one last meet. He would not respond, and my confidence is in shambles, but my adrenaline is rushing and I feel alive and find this oddly satisfying.

 What do I ever do with this drama thing? It's probably uncontrollable, in the sense that even if I make myself forget about one negative person or event, the rest will keep popping up, because I keep inviting them.. what does acceptance means in this case? Accept that I want some drama in my life?