social anxiety + blushing

September 27, 2011

Hi, I am 25 years old and have always had a phobia of blushing. when i look back

on my life i remember moments when i blushed..and even remember thinking of

moments when i bump into someone..and thinking 'ohmy god im no blushing..yes im

getting confident'. Does this happen to other people. I am also concious of what

i say to people and semi rehearse it in my head? I go through stages in my life

when i feel on top of the world, no worries. Then as soon as i feel pressure,

change of job, uni placements, moving interstate...i feel overwhelmed and

develop anxiety/depression and feel ill never succeed because i dont have any

confidence in myself. Can anyone help or give me some advice. Im about half way

through the happiness trap..but not really retaining any information..as im too

anxious, but it does seem like a great book.

Thanks

September 27, 2011

hi stewart:-)welcome to the world of 'being human':-) ...u know stewart whaever u said is EXACTLY what i struggled with too (along with some additional struggles). But every single thing u said i can TOTALLY relate to. only diff. i am muuuuuuuuuch older than u, i'm a 33 yr old woman:-)...when i would bump into someone, i always blush too, or when i am the center of attention, randomly asked a question at class etc. etc. I discovred that when i realize my face/cheeks feel warm and blushed, the more i struggle with that sensation, the worst it getz.e.g. once someone told me OMGoodness sarah, i visited chicago in the winter, howcome u got such a terrible tan!..so basically from a pinkish hue it goes to burgundy. If i try any sorta control stratergies, wtheer it is trying to risist feeling that sensation/supress it/rid it/, it just seems to get worst. The flight stratergie doesn't work my my favour either. like sometimes i just put my face down and leave the conversation saying "shoot i just remmeber i have to take care of something". what happens is that i just signaled my mind, sarah, u cannot handle this painfully unpleasant sensation unless u flee from the situation. the sensation goes, but now i know i need to dodge it inorder to be able to avoid the sensation.what if u let that sensation just be??? have u tried it?>?? i have done it , both ways, first without practising mindfulness and then with,. without- the sensation was very painful, none the less it did reach a peak and then go away. so it registered in my brain that , ok, so it on't stay forever , it will reach a peak and evetuially subside,. With mindfulness- i was able to LET THAT SENSATION just BE, while focusing on what i was doing at that present moment. letting my self be fully engaged in that moment, WITH that sensation being there. So it felt like it was not reaaaaaally impacting my behaviour much at that time. which also meant, my focus was not on monitoring that sensation,m and when it felt more warm and blushed and when it felt less, that was not my focus, my focus was what activity i was involved in at that moment, wether it was talking to a friend, or asnwering a question in class. as far as lack of self confidence- i have toooooooooooooooons of that. but when i practise the concept of "self compassion" in act, i realize my confidence just shot up, waaaaaaaaaaaay up, coz i am not judging and evaluating every expererince, every action of mine. i am not labeling myself based on my unpleasant expreinces/feelings/thoughts/emoitios/urges etc.e ct.regarding reading the book, if u r reading for a defintae purpose of trying to "get something out of it" to fix urself. then close the book. instead pick it up to read it with no expecvtattions, or read it perhaps just to be able to get a better understand ofurself and ur mind. or perhaps thinking of it like this. ok i know whatever i was doing in the past as not orking, this book is gonna show me a new way, do i need to master it, nope! there is not such thing. read it with an open mind and with no expectations. enjoy it, and look at russ 's examples and c if u can relate to him with ur on examples. btww i am half way trhough the same book...:-)take care stewardand if i said anything hurtful or misunderstood ur email, i do apologizewasalaam:-)-K Designs."" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their

shoes." ~ a very pious intellectualTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: lstewart2012@...Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2011 22:59:01 +0000Subject: social anxiety + blushing

Hi, I am 25 years old and have always had a phobia of blushing. when i look back on my life i remember moments when i blushed..and even remember thinking of moments when i bump into someone..and thinking 'ohmy god im no blushing..yes im getting confident'. Does this happen to other people. I am also concious of what i say to people and semi rehearse it in my head? I go through stages in my life when i feel on top of the world, no worries. Then as soon as i feel pressure, change of job, uni placements, moving interstate...i feel overwhelmed and develop anxiety/depression and feel ill never succeed because i dont have any confidence in myself. Can anyone help or give me some advice. Im about half way through the happiness trap..but not really retaining any information..as im too anxious, but it does seem like a great book.

Thanks

September 27, 2011

,

I don't have much to add to 's excellent reply, except to say that your

fear of blushing is so common that it has a name: erythrophobia. You can read a

little about it at:

http://tinyurl.com/3dgf9ey

I'm 63 years old and I've had a fear of blushing for as long as I can remember.

Before I retired early last year from my job as a database manager and

programmer, I used to dread office meetings. The idea of sitting at a large

table with my colleagues made me feel very anxious. I'd try to arrive early and

pick a seat at one end of the table so that people wouldn't be able to see me as

much as if I sat in the middle, where people were facing me.

Once it was under way, I'd keep my head down and draw complicated doodles on my

notepad; I'd avoid eye contact; I'd shuffle around in my seat; and if I felt

really bad, I'd leave the room and go to the loo.

None of these attempts to stop myself blushing worked. If anything they made

things worse. Sooner or later, I'd go red.

Sure, one or two people would look at me, and I'd wonder what they were

thinking, but--and here's the interesting thing--once it was finally happening,

I felt a sense of relief. The worst had happened, and things went on as normal.

We continued talking about whatever was on the agenda for that day, and my blush

faded away.

I still have a fear of blushing, but it's nowhere as bad as it used to be.

Thanks to ACT, I'm better able to accept it when it happens and continue doing

the things I want to do. Doing a bit of research on erythrophobia and

understanding its causes and what's going on inside me mentally and physically

when it happens has also helped.

Keep going with The Happiness Trap. It's a great book. Once you've read it

through and have some idea of what ACT is about, go back to the start and read

it slowly, doing the exercises as you go. Then--and this is important--use the

techniques in your everyday life. That way, you'll get direct, hands-on

experience of just how useful ACT is.

Cheers,

Stan

>

> Hi, I am 25 years old and have always had a phobia of blushing. when i look

back on my life i remember moments when i blushed..and even remember thinking of