Re: letting go of the struggle - not easy!!!!

[Guest guest]

That is me too Bruce!! I did have a little more success at accepting my anxiety

at school today. As I have said certain students push my anxiety buttons. Today

I came in contact with one whose attitude seems very threatening to me. I was

able to let the anxiety be there a little better. I still wanted it to be gone,

really badly but somehow I was able to say it was ok to feel that way. Baby

steps!!

>

> >

> > The main idea I got from this, , is the concept of over-

> > attending and over-monitoring ones thoughts and emotions in order to

> > " do " ACT. You point out, if I read you correctly, that the very

> > process of trying so hard to do ACT (over-attending/monitoring) can

> > trip us up as well. It's sometimes referred to as blunt-force ACT,

> > or over-thinking ACT, and that is so easy to fall into and perhaps

> > inevitable to beginners. It's only when we can do ACT on automatic

> > pilot (there will be exceptions) that it becomes ever so powerful -

> > and that takes practice AND valued action. It is hard to explain -

> > have you ever tried to explain to a child how to balance yourself on

> > a bike?

> >

> >

> > Like Bill C often says (and I paraphrase), you can't learn to play

> > the piano by reading a book or thinking about the musical notes on

> > the page in front of you - you have to put your fingers on the

> > piano, again and again. You will hit many sour notes at first, but

> > eventually, you will be able to play the Moonlight Sonata (my goal

> > as a piano student) flawlessly. I can " play ACT " at a higher level

> > than I could two years ago, but I am far from being a virtuoso and,

> > as I stretch myself, my playing is far from automatic because I want

> > to learn new pieces.

> >

> >

> > Helena

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

> > Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 5:36:19 AM

> > Subject: Re: letting go of the struggle - not

> > easy!!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > For me ACT feels like the opposite of a struggle. It is a " letting

> > go " therapy. Physically struggling with anything , or allowing

> > urself to expreince the struggle is very exhausting, instead letting

> > go , just like u would let go of the rope in the tug of war, is

> > relieving, frightening no doubt becoz the perceived danger from

> > letting go seems much more threatening than it actually is, however

> > still letting go will not physically and emotionally drain u as much

> > as struggling will.

> >

> > I feel like there is a lotta focus on ACT and what it is asking u to

> > do, and how to do it. The struggle, the meditation etc. meditation

> > to me is simply " BE " ..thats it. so " let go and just be " . overly

> > attending our anxiety, too much monitoring of the anxiety, when it

> > happens, does not help either (from my own personal expereince). Coz

> > it prevents u to " just be " in the moment, as is, and also over

> > attending and over monitoring comes atttached with judgements and

> > evalutaions of the experiences. hence " feeling like a failure "

> > sometimes, would be the evaluation of the expereince.

> >

> > recovery is not a bad word..positive thinking is an excellent thing.

> > however what one views as recovery is imp.. If the desire to minimze

> > anxiety in the long run throughh ACT is recovery , then that is a

> > slippery slope...coz " anxiety minized in time, from practise, with

> > ACT " , that is not at all a garantee (no doubt it COULD be a bi-

> > product) , the only garantee we have is that anxiety FLUCTUATES at

> > diff levels, in diff times, in diff. situations. what can we do for

> > ourselves knowing this ? we can have more compasssion for our

> > experiences. What i sensed here (and i could be totally wrong so plz

> > forgive me) but both the emails, i sensed coming down too hard on

> > urself FOR THE TIMES WHEN ANXIETY is showing up. Thats where i c the

> > problem.

> >

> > Lastly ACT can be as simple or as complex as we want it to be. It

> > can be as simple as expand, expereince, show compassion for that

> > expereince, and keep moving.

> >

> > KV and if i have misundertood ur emails, i do truly

> > apologize. I don't usually like to reply to peoples emails , coz i

> > don't wanna offend anyone, plus the likelyhood of me

> > misunderstanding someones point of view is very high. However the

> > only reason i did is coz i could absolutely relate to the things u r

> > going through, as i had a day full of practising my " expansion,

> > compassion, moving forward " skills to the fullest:-) , a few days

> > back. My anxiety was pretty high and throughout my day as i went

> > from strore to store running earrins. Hoever the only think i was

> > able to do diffreenly perhaps was not keep a tab on when it went up,

> > when it was stable, when it came down,and for howlong it stayed, how

> > did it feel when it was high, what act technique i used at those

> > moments etc etc.... so basically did not oevrly attend to it, even

> > thought it was in full gear. The other thing is once u overly attend

> > to anxiety, u r ALSO missing out on the little positive moments that

> > come and go at that time as well, as u r unable to be in that moment

> > fully. Also i was very compassionate with myself , and did not at

> > all label my entire days expereince as a good or bad day, it was

> > just a day , a day i left my house and took care of my chores. being

> > compassionate with myself while i was exprencing the anxiety hence

> > helped me keep moving and completing my task at hand, which was

> > making sure i cover all the stores to get all the necessary items.

> > to me struggling means still not being able to let go of the need to

> > be in control. But we alreday know that anxiety is something , or

> > thoughts and feelings and sensations r something that we cannot have

> > control of anyways, so whats the struggle!...wasalaam:-)

> >

> > -K Designs.

> >

> > " Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

> > That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND

> > you have their shoes. "

> > ~ a very pious intellectual

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks KV!! I like your use of the word " tricky " . What you say here and what

Randy said about thinking we are not supposed to struggle have rung a bell with

me. I definitely think we could get along and you have not been overposting

IMHO!!

> >

> > I am trying to look at this in a humorous " holding lightly " way but I am

really having trouble with the acceptance of anxiety. There are parts of my job

that I feel very confident about but I can change in a split second and I don't

like that I can't stop it. When I come in contact with some students i can be

overcome by feelings of self-doubt and the urge to stop the feeling is so

strong. I try to just let it be but I've not been able to stop feeling

threatened by it. It still feels so dangerous and then I feel like a failure

because I have not been successful in letting it just be there. The whole idea

of ACT makes so much sense but when it is a strong emotion I don't seem to be

able to make it work. I keep thinking why can't I hold on to that feeling of

confidence. I just don't trust anxiety. I feel like it has such potential to get

out of control. Intellectually I get it, but not experientially.

> >

>