Accepting vs Changing Beliefs

[Guest guest]

I'm working with the belief that it's safer for me to feel anxious all the time than to take the risk of letting go and then being blindsided by negative events. Do you think a belief like this is something I can change? Or will my subconscious mind always have this tendency and I just have to act in spite of it?I know in ACT we are encouraged to accept our thoughts as they are. I understand that we can't control what pops into our heads but do we have enough control to change a belief that I didn't chose but I perpetuate as a controlling force in my life? Can we drop a core belief and replace it with a new one? I would really like to make a philosophical shift. I hope I have the capacity to change but ACT seems to suggest that I have to continue with this attitude while trying to act as if I didn't believe it.I know this is a little convoluted but I hope I'm making some sense. I'd appreciate any comments.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

Let your experience guide you butif you want to change a belief that you didn't chose but that you perpetuate as a controlling force then a great way to do that is to change its role as a controlling force. 

ie Go after perpetuation.Why? 

You don't have to wait for benefits -- they happen NOW;And doing that IS a change in belief in a very deep sense;

and as you do it you will have more freedom to think differently.

However ... sure. Thinking differently can help. As long as it isnot subtraction (there is no " delete button " for our minds.

Only + buttons). The problem is, most of the things that occur to us are the things

we know how to think. Even " different " is often the same in a deep sense(damn history! Grrr)

For example

Have you ever thought something sort of like what you get wrote below before?(e.g.,, " will my subconscious mind always have this tendency and I just have to act in spite of it? " ). Or " I get what these shrinks are saying BUT .... [fill in logical need here] " ?

I'm not playing gotcha ... I'm just sayin we are historical beings.

If you want to go after thinking differently first ... go for it. Could help.My suggestion -- see how many different ways of thinking you can generate.

Variation in an ally. Same ol' same ol' is not.My guess: being too mindy is same ol' same ol' ... so go after as many different ways of thinking about as you can

AND go after perpetuationAND stay conscious, and keep your eyes wideLet's us know how it turns out- S

C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be):

Blogs: Psychology Today  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind

Huffington Post  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: 

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com

If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values.

If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

 

I'm working with the belief that it's safer for me to feel anxious all the time than to take the risk of letting go and then being blindsided by negative events. Do you think a belief like this is something I can change? Or will my subconscious mind always have this tendency and I just have to act in spite of it?

I know in ACT we are encouraged to accept our thoughts as they are. I understand that we can't control what pops into our heads but do we have enough control to change a belief that I didn't chose but I perpetuate as a controlling force in my life? Can we drop a core belief and replace it with a new one? I would really like to make a philosophical shift. I hope I have the capacity to change but ACT seems to suggest that I have to continue with this attitude while trying to act as if I didn't believe it.

I know this is a little convoluted but I hope I'm making some sense. I'd appreciate any comments.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Dr. . I appreciate this. I definitely am stuck in the same modes of thinking. My thoughts are very repetitive, although I have a pretty large selection that I pick from. It seems like the feeling comes first, then a thought comes in to match the feeling. That's not always the case, sometimes the thought comes first, but sticky moods are what I struggle with the most.It sounds like I need to add the thought I want to believe and not try to get rid of the unhelpful thoughts. It's interesting about the delete button. It would be great if we could somehow delete the limiting beliefs that our minds throw out at us. That lack of freedom and flexibility is very painful, indeed.Bruce Let your experience guide you butif you want to change a belief that you didn't chose but that you perpetuate as a controlling force then a great way to do that is to change its role as a controlling force. ie Go after perpetuation.Why? You don't have to wait for benefits -- they happen NOW;And doing that IS a change in belief in a very deep sense; and as you do it you will have more freedom to think differently. However ... sure. Thinking differently can help. As long as it isnot subtraction (there is no "delete button" for our minds. Only + buttons). The problem is, most of the things that occur to us are the things we know how to think. Even "different" is often the same in a deep sense(damn history! Grrr) For example Have you ever thought something sort of like what you get wrote below before?(e.g.,, "will my subconscious mind always have this tendency and I just have to act in spite of it?"). Or "I get what these shrinks are saying BUT .... [fill in logical need here]"? I'm not playing gotcha ... I'm just sayin we are historical beings. If you want to go after thinking differently first ... go for it. Could help.My suggestion -- see how many different ways of thinking you can generate. Variation in an ally. Same ol' same ol' is not.My guess: being too mindy is same ol' same ol' ... so go after as many different ways of thinking about as you can AND go after perpetuationAND stay conscious, and keep your eyes wideLet's us know how it turns out- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing"hayes@... or stevenchayes@... Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost is up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions, join the ACT list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join or the RFT list:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of that conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join I'm working with the belief that it's safer for me to feel anxious all the time than to take the risk of letting go and then being blindsided by negative events. Do you think a belief like this is something I can change? Or will my subconscious mind always have this tendency and I just have to act in spite of it? I know in ACT we are encouraged to accept our thoughts as they are. I understand that we can't control what pops into our heads but do we have enough control to change a belief that I didn't chose but I perpetuate as a controlling force in my life? Can we drop a core belief and replace it with a new one? I would really like to make a philosophical shift. I hope I have the capacity to change but ACT seems to suggest that I have to continue with this attitude while trying to act as if I didn't believe it. I know this is a little convoluted but I hope I'm making some sense. I'd appreciate any comments.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

I can certainly relate, Randy. The example you cite is familiar to me. I can identify with the desire to have a social interaction go well and to try to end on a positive note before things can go bad. The importance I put on this "going well" notion is unhelpful, that's for sure. If things do "go well", then later I can look back with a grim satisfaction but in the moment, there is no pleasure, only hard work. That's certainly no way to live a valued life.That good times don't matter unless they last is another thought I'd like to stop believing. Where do we get all these untrue and unhelpful beliefs? Sometimes I think I need to do a complete brain reboot and start over! As soon as I try to drop one thought, another equally dysfunctional attitude rears its head and tries to control my life. I guess it's the case that there are many layers of belief but I cling to the idea that if I could just change the key belief, I could alleviate my continual suffering. In the meantime, just carrying on is the only thing to do. I wish I could laugh out loud at my thoughts. Maybe I'll have to try that. Laughing out loud at anything is tough for me these days and I don't like being that guy.Bruce Hi Bruce, I think you & I have talked about this before - I've got what sounds like the same tendency you describe, i.e. to push away anything that might be a relaxed or happy state of mind, out of the fear that it won't last. I actually think that the "belief" is not what matters so much, but what I choose to do when I notice it popping up as an automatic thought or urge to behave "safely" and keep myself in check. Noticing then allows me to choose some different behavior that is more in line with what I'd like to be doing anyway, even though it isn't "safe" and might expose me to some sort of dreaded "let-down." An example - I have this tendency, when visiting friends, or even when just bumping into a friend on the street, to want to cut the visit or the conversation short if it has been going well - in other words, to say goodbye early and hurry off. I think this relates to a pattern of not wanting to have a good social experience "turn bad" on me - i.e. there is a fear whispering in my ear that my friends will get bored with me if I "overstay my welcome," or if they see me for "who I really am," etc. So what I like to practice doing when this happens is simple: acknowledge the fearful thought for what it is - and then choose to hang out with my friends a while longer (or whatever else would be the opposite of the automatic urge, depending on the situation). I get to build a pattern of my own that is more along the lines of what I want in life. It's much more open-ended. And although I don't always remember to do it, when I do it's very powerful. The only thing I'd say about thoughts is, I do think we have to watch out for thoughts that insist that belief "really matters" and "nothing can change," or that the word "subconscious" is a grave and dignified word that we really must pay attention to, etc. These thoughts are fine to have, but not so helpful to buy into. Which also goes for the thought that then pops up saying, "Oh no, I am buying into them!" Yo, baby, you are just another thought. Along these lines, I remember when I first started working with ACT, I had an experience once where I was having a mental argument with myself - the typical sort of internal argument we have all the time. Only this time I noticed something weird: despite the fact my thoughts were all contradictory, they all finished up saying exactly the same thing: "You must trust ME. Ignore the other thoughts. I'M the one who's telling you the truth!" It was so startling to see this for the first time that I started laughing, all by myself with no one around to hear me. - Randy