Re: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

[Guest guest]

All good thoughts. I find it interesting that I thought to myself so what if you

want to go home. Yet, when it was said by all f you did I take it more as a

valid point. Trusting my own feelings, is another thing for me. I did decide to

get a gazelle walking machine. Lets see if I am avoiding exercise. Taking the

pressure off is also a great answer. I may be like a bear right now just

hibernating in peace.

Thanks to all of you. I will have to let you know if the gazaelle just sits

there. I think I will use it but on my own little terms.

> > >

> > > Hi Kaivey,

> > > Â

> > > Â

> > > I find it so interesting to hear of the experiences of others. I know

> > your journey somewhat, (just as you know mine), and it never ceases to

> > amaze me how people change over time. I remember when even doing what

> > you love to do was a struggle (playing your guitar and keyboard) yet

> > here you are riding the pain of criticism. It doesnt get much harder

> > than that. You are highly capable, the proof is in your response to

> > that experience. Seems to me that workplace is lucky to have you.

> > > Â

> > > Â

> > > Lou

> > > Â

> > > PS. It makes me smile every time you refer to your girlfriend as <<

> > lovely >>. Lucky her. :-)

> > > Â

> > >

> > > From: Kaivey akaivey@

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 3:52 AM

> > > Subject: Shyness and feeling inadequate.

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > > Do you need another self help book, probably no, but today I went into

> > meltdown again and all my defences collapsed. My body dysmorphic also

> > came on full blown again too and when I feel this low I often look

> > for another book and I liked this one called, Building Social

> > Confidence, by Lynne  Confidence which is is

> > mindfullness based.

> > > Â http://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249765/ref=rdr_ext_tmb

> > > But there was a strange twist today, I accepted my torment and dufused

> > from unhelpful thoughts and then I realised a strange kind of strength.

> > I have been working too hard and sometimes even working for nothing to

> > make the job work, but despite this I still got a telling off

> > for not completing all the work, so I realised I might as well not

> > bother putting in the extra time and effort. But I felt humiliated

> > in loads of other ways and I even felt weak in front of the secretaries

> > when I had to explain myself to the managers. Then work colloegues

> > criticed me and said I should stick up for myself more and I felt

> > further humiliated, but they don't have my history or my massive

> > mortgage plus  my fear that I would not cope very well with

> > a job loss.

> > > But I defused, accepted, and remained focussed on my aims carrying

> > on with my tasks as best as I could. My inner critic wanted to go full

> > pelt and tear me to bits by telling me how pathetic I was, but I

> > refused to get entangled in this debate. I imagined every one

> > saying cruel things about me and laughing but my focus stayed on

> > getting better at my job and working at what I love the most which

> > is playing my guitar and keyboards (and being with my lovely

> > girlfriend). I then realised that by accepting and defusing I wasn't

> > caring so much about what people said or thought of me which feltÂ

> > like a lot of strength considering how vulnerable I was. I also felt

> > this remarkable braveness to be able to cary on working tpwards Â

> > my commitments and values uninterupted by what was going on

> > around, or inside of me: I remained determined and had picked the

> > chessboard up and taken the whole thing with me while the battleÂ

> > raged on somewhere, but who carers.

> > > This seems to be the first step on the ladder to asseriveness as I

> > wasn't going to be put out by what people thought or said about me -Â

> > or what my inner critic said. I shall leave it there but I felt all this

> > hope. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

> > > Kv

> > > Â

> > > Â

> > >

> >

>