Re: Big Leaps

[Guest guest]

Hi Simone. You must go and you can go. You are in charge of your bus and where it goes. Let the passengers scream all they want. They are noisy cowards wirh only the power you give them. Smile at them and say " come on boys we're goingfor a ride! " Leap and a net will appear. Cowboy Bill-----Original Message-----From: adrianandbooSent: 14 Nov 2011 10:30:19 GMTTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Big Leaps Hi,I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all ornothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head.I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place.Can I have some words please to help me take the leap.Simone

[Guest guest]

Hi Simone, Although I don't know the details of your big leap I can relate completely to the emotions you are experiencing. Being new to ACT I have started to use some other techniques to help me get through those days when I am feeling paralyzed by my 'fears'. The most successful for me is writing down statements on a piece of card that I know to be true such as "my thoughts are just words they have no power to hurt me", I write several statements down and read through them before I go into a situation that is causing me anxiety, I take the card I'n my handbag and if I need to I read through it again, to me it's a little like a friend giving advice when I need it and it does help me to feel calmer. I'm always reluctant to give advice on here as I struggle so much with my own feelings but this does work for me and it might be worth trying. The one thing I do know from experience is that avoiding the situation always makes me feel worse, we have to face our fears. I hope you can get through your big leap tomorrow Simone, I will be wishing you well :-) Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head.

I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place.

Can I have some words please to help me take the leap.

Simone

[Guest guest]

A good ACT "contact with the present" technique to use when you are in a tight spot is "notice five things." Notice five things you can see; notice five things you can feel with your body and notice five things you can hear. I like to say the names of the things out loud or under my breath. You can also add things you can taste and things you can smell. This exercise breaks the thinking cycle and buys me time to get my wits about me. Do it as often as necessary. I usually use this on my way to the airport for a big trip. It's quite hard to think about "what ifs" when you are noticing five things.Bon Voyage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: neilshearer34@...Date: Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:37:37 +0000Subject: Re: Big Leaps

Hi Simone I know exactly how you feel. I am taking a big leap tonight when I start my first full time job I have had for 3 years. I also feel a big freeze coming as I have time after time avoided any threatening situations. Work scares me not because I have a fear of work but because I have social anxiety, a severe fear of the unknown, I lack terrible confidence and I am always on tenterhooks just waiting for myself to do something wrong and get criticised for it. I sympathise with you Simone as it is so hard and you're right, I will feel relief for a brief period if I back out but it's only for a period and then the dread and feelings of failure and no hope set in. I already feel sick with nerves and anxiety this is going to be a long afternoon. I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you but I don't feel as if I can help anyone in this state. Let me know how you get on Simone. NeilSent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head.

I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place.

Can I have some words please to help me take the leap.

Simone

[Guest guest]

Thanks Helena,

I'm trying to watch the whole grisly process. My mind is like a screaming banshee.

I'm hanging in there!

Simone

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, 14 November 2011, 12:00Subject: Re: Big Leaps

Hi Simone,

Good on you for seeking helpful words here. That in and of itself shows your strength. I just read the following elsewhere which seems to be appropriate for your situation:

Being mindful of your fear allows it to become your teacher and gives purpose to what is otherwise meaningless suffering. ... Moffitt

You aren't pathetic, you aren't sick, and you aren't selfish. You are a human being with a mind that's doing what minds do. Make room for your fear because it ain't going away. So you might as well invite it in and let it have a seat - but picture it sitting there in shackles, fuming at you for not setting it free to create havoc. Let it make all the noise it wants!

Hang in there,

Helena

From: "adrianandboo" <adrianandbooyahoo (DOT) co.uk>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, November 14, 2011 5:30:14 AMSubject: Big Leaps

Hi,I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head.I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no

opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place.Can I have some words please to help me take the leap.Simone

[Guest guest]

Hi Neil:Good luck on your first night on the job. I sympathize with your nerves and anxiety. I hope things will go well for you in spite of the way you feel.Bruce Hi Simone I know exactly how you feel. I am taking a big leap tonight when I start my first full time job I have had for 3 years. I also feel a big freeze coming as I have time after time avoided any threatening situations. Work scares me not because I have a fear of work but because I have social anxiety, a severe fear of the unknown, I lack terrible confidence and I am always on tenterhooks just waiting for myself to do something wrong and get criticised for it. I sympathise with you Simone as it is so hard and you're right, I will feel relief for a brief period if I back out but it's only for a period and then the dread and feelings of failure and no hope set in. I already feel sick with nerves and anxiety this is going to be a long afternoon. I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you but I don't feel as if I can help anyone in this state. Let me know how you get on Simone. NeilSent from my iPhone Hi, I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head. I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place. Can I have some words please to help me take the leap. Simone

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bruce -Whatever will be, will be.....

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Monday, 14 November 2011, 18:26Subject: Re: Big Leaps

Hi Simone:

I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like a tough situation but you know the consequences of backing out. So I hope you will get through with flying colors and feel some relief and satisfaction.

Best wishes,

Bruce

Hi,I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head.I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place.Can I have some words please to help me take the leap.Simone

[Guest guest]

Simone;

Praying for you as you journey in your life.

ACT is about FEELING well not feeling WELL.

This usually means we have to face our fears.

I totally relate to the body reactions and mind reactions.

I've been there and still am.

It gets a bit easier each time I face up to things.

MUST you do this?Only you can decide.

Are you willing to attempt to act in a way that is consistent with what you value in your life?

Perhaps its best to try and succeed and fail - there will be a mixture of both for sure.

If you don't try, perhaps you will think you have only failed.

Blessings!

[Guest guest]

I'm feeling for you, Neil. There is always a next time.I know it is difficult to raise, but I wonder if you have chance to have a bit of a discussion with any future employer, to explain that you have these sorts of anxieties when starting somewhere new. They may be able to ease you in gently, or find a different way of introducing you into the workplace. Is that a conversation you could consider having?Maybe not, but just an idea.Best wishes, xTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tuesday, 15 November 2011, 2:04Subject: Re: Big Leaps

I'm very sorry to hear that, Neil. I hope you'll have another chance. We are all pulling for you.Bruce Hi Bruce well I backed out at the last minute, I just couldn't do it. I feel awful now. I am in shock actually. I feel so guilty and afraid right now. My life is a mess and I feel I have no control. NeilSent from my iPhone Hi Neil:Good luck on your first night on the job. I sympathize with your nerves and anxiety. I hope things will go well for you in spite of the way you feel.Bruce Hi Simone I know exactly how you feel. I am taking a big leap tonight when I start my first full time job I have had for 3 years. I also feel a big freeze coming as I have time after time avoided any threatening situations. Work scares me not because I have a fear of work but because I have social anxiety, a

severe fear of the unknown, I lack terrible confidence and I am always on tenterhooks just waiting for myself to do something wrong and get criticised for it. I sympathise with you Simone as it is so hard and you're right, I will feel relief for a brief period if I back out but it's only for a period and then the dread and feelings of failure and no hope set in. I already feel sick with nerves and anxiety this is going to be a long afternoon. I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you but I don't feel as if I can help anyone in this state. Let me know how you get on Simone. NeilSent from my iPhone Hi, I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head. I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place. Can I have some words please to help me take the leap. Simone

[Guest guest]

Here's something I'm going to try and keep in mind today for myself.

Maybe others reading this thread will find it useful too.

It's a passage deep in a book wrote called " Mindfulness

For Two. " He describes 2 types of conversations - one we know a lot

about and do all the time, the other something rarer:

" Ordinary conversations come so naturally to us. One doesn't need a

therapist to have these conversations. Step into any bar. Buy the

person next to you a beer. Complain about something, almost anything

really . . . If your newfound companion doesn't join you in your

misery, he'll almost certainly favor you with a hollow reassurance

that things will get better. Ask him not so kindly for an alternate

view, and he'll start giving advice. The conversations differ in

comfort level, but little in function.

" Perhaps, though, you can recall certain conversations you've had in

your own life that shook you, that altered your fundamental

relationship with the world around you . . .

" One type of conversation is all about limitations - conversations

about what can be expected, hoped for, imagined, about what is

realistic or deserved or could be gotten away with . . . There's a

second kind of conversation. It's a conversation about

possibilities. It's a conversation about that which we long for but

perhaps can't even name - a sometimes inscrutable `more.' "

- Randy

[Guest guest]

Hi Thank you so much for the kind advice and it Devi agley makes sense. I work in a warehouse factory environment which I find to be quite hostile and unfriendly and I don't think managers would take much notice but certainly in a different type of workplace this could be an option. I am looking to change career before too long but till then I have to earn some money! I'm lucky to have people like you for support on here, it really dies help and I do have a very supportive partner and parents who although they don't really understand and occasionally tell me, 'it's only a job' or 'for god sake Neil grow up' which really irritates me. Thanks again to everyone for the supportive messages. NeilSent from my iPhone

I'm feeling for you, Neil. There is always a next time.I know it is difficult to raise, but I wonder if you have chance to have a bit of a discussion with any future employer, to explain that you have these sorts of anxieties when starting somewhere new. They may be able to ease you in gently, or find a different way of introducing you into the workplace. Is that a conversation you could consider having?Maybe not, but just an idea.Best wishes, xTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tuesday, 15 November 2011, 2:04Subject: Re: Big Leaps

I'm very sorry to hear that, Neil. I hope you'll have another chance. We are all pulling for you.Bruce Hi Bruce well I backed out at the last minute, I just couldn't do it. I feel awful now. I am in shock actually. I feel so guilty and afraid right now. My life is a mess and I feel I have no control. NeilSent from my iPhone Hi Neil:Good luck on your first night on the job. I sympathize with your nerves and anxiety. I hope things will go well for you in spite of the way you feel.Bruce Hi Simone I know exactly how you feel. I am taking a big leap tonight when I start my first full time job I have had for 3 years. I also feel a big freeze coming as I have time after time avoided any threatening situations. Work scares me not because I have a fear of work but because I have social anxiety, a

severe fear of the unknown, I lack terrible confidence and I am always on tenterhooks just waiting for myself to do something wrong and get criticised for it. I sympathise with you Simone as it is so hard and you're right, I will feel relief for a brief period if I back out but it's only for a period and then the dread and feelings of failure and no hope set in. I already feel sick with nerves and anxiety this is going to be a long afternoon. I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you but I don't feel as if I can help anyone in this state. Let me know how you get on Simone. NeilSent from my iPhone Hi, I am doing one of my 'big leaps' tomorrow. I want to back out. I feel sick. My body is humming with anxiety. I feel pathetic. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. The day involves all my fears rolled into one - there are no 'baby steps'. It's an all or nothing situation. Other people are involved - I have no control. There are all sorts of scenarios going on in my head. I feel a 'big freeze' coming on. If I back out I know that I will feel relief - no opportunity for embarrassment - but I also know that I will feel like crap as well. Another rock - another hard place. Can I have some words please to help me take the leap. Simone

[Guest guest]

Way to go Simone - well done! Sounds like the whole thing was a great learning

opportunity on top of everything else. ACT in action!

Cheers

Kate

>

> Hello and All,

>  

> Just want to let you know that I did go on the trip that was giving me so much

angst. I didn't sleep at all the night before - my stomach was churning so much-

mind doing somersaults.

> Anyway - I wrote down on a piece of paper all the ACT things I wanted to

remember - plus other stuff, and took it with me. I was telling myself at 4

o'clock in the morning, 'not sure if I can do this....'....but I basically just

said 'oh s..d it! I don't care anymore'.

> And off I went.

> The Beta Blockers have been interesting. I am so deeply enmeshed in mind/body

reactions that it is as if someone has taken a big chunk out of that tin can

monster - giving me a more solid footing to practise ACT. Plus - it does feel

kinda nice not having my body go into adrenaline overdrive at the drop of a

hat.( or a thought!) (Gotta be careful here I know)

> Back to the trip - I had worries, and my mouth was dry for a good couple of

hours- my mind gently rumbling in the background. But it wasn't like my mind

said it would be. In fact I quite enjoyed the day - ( big museum, London) And I

managed to look after five kids perfectly. I looked at my values and thought -

ok, engage with these kids, lets have some fun, lets learn something.At the same

time as having a backgroud of slight unease.

> So I felt good - but then on the way home my mind starts up again!, ' Ok so

you were lucky this time - you didn't feel panicy because of xyz....it was just

luck - you wait till next time......' Thanks mind!

> I didn't want to feel the despair of not going - I've done enough of that, and

will probably do it again. It was good to remind myself of that despair when the

urge to backout was strong.And if and when I backout again I will stand with

myself and hold myself kindly .

> I basically said 'enough.

>  

> Thank you all so much for your support - it has meant a great deal. Simone x

>   

> ‘Enough. These few words are enough.

> If not these words, this breath.

> if not this breath, this sitting here.

> this opening up to the life,

> we have refused,

> again and again

> Until now....

>                         ( Whyte)

>  

>  

>

>

>