Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings

[Guest guest]

So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!).

A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad.

x

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or

evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I "let go". Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality slap, to use the book title -

and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers "expansion" for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My

question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and "touching" the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

[Guest guest]

Hi , Self-compassion goes further than just doing expansion/acceptance. Here is an exercise from The Reality Slap on self-compassion, which I hope you’ll find useful.All the best,Cheers, Russ Here’s an extract from my book ‘The Reality Slap’ - an exercise to develop self-compassion, that I hope you’ll find useful with yourself and your clients: Bring to mind an issue you are struggling with. Take a few moments to reflect on the nature of this problem and how it is affecting you, and let your difficult thoughts and feelings arise: 1 Be Present- Pause- That’s all you need do: just pause- Pause for a few seconds and notice what your mind is telling you Notice its choice of words and the speed and volume of its speech- Be curious: Is this story old and familiar, or something new? What time zones is your mind taking you into: the past, present, or future? What judgments is it making? What labels is it using?- Don’t try to debate with your mind or silence it; you’ll only stir it up- Simply notice the story it’s telling you- And notice, with curiosity, all the different emotions that arise. What do you discover? Guilt, sadness, anger, fear, or embarrassment? Resentment, despair, anguish, rage, or anxiety?- Name these emotions as they arise: “Here’s fear” or “Here’s sadness ”- Pay attention, like a curious child, to what is going on inside your body- Where are you feeling these emotions the most? What are the sizes, shapes, and temperatures of these feelings? How many layers do they have? How many different types of sensation can you find within them? 2 Open Up- Now slowly and deeply breathe into the pain- Do so with an attitude of kindness- Infuse this breath with caring and contribution; see it as an act of comfort and support- Imagine your breath flowing into it and around your pain- Imagine that a vast space magically opens up inside you, making plenty of room for all those feelings- No matter how painful they are, do not fight with them- Offer peace to your feelings rather than hostility- Let them be as they are and give them plenty of space rather than push them away- And if you notice any resistance in your body— tightening, contraction, or tension— breathe into that too. Make room for it- Contribute peace and space to all that arises: your thoughts, your feelings, and your resistance 3 Hold Kindly- Now choose one of your hands- Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring- Place this hand, slowly and gently, on whichever part of your body hurts the most- Perhaps you feel the pain more in your chest, or perhaps in your head, neck, or stomach? Wherever it is most intense, lay your hand there (And if you’ve gone numb or you can’t locate any particular place, then simply rest your hand on the center of your chest )- Let it rest there, lightly and gently, either on your skin or your clothes- Feel the warmth flowing from your palm to your body- Imagine your body softening around the pain, loosening up, softening up, and making space- Hold this pain gently. Hold it as if it is a crying baby, a whimpering puppy, or a fragile work of art- Infuse this gentle action with caring and warmth, as if you are reaching out to someone you care about- Let the kindness flow from your fingers- Now, use both of your hands Place one of them upon your chest and the other upon your stomach, and let them gently rest there.- Hold yourself kindly and gently, connecting with yourself, caring for yourself, and contributing comfort and support 4 Speak Kindly- Now say something caring to yourself, to express concern or affection- You might silently say a word like “gentle” or “kindness” to remind yourself of your intention- You might say, “This really hurts” or “This is hard ”- You might say, “I know this hurts, but I can do this ”- You might even repeat a quote, proverb, or saying, as long as it does not make light of your pain- If you’ve failed or made a mistake, then you might like to remind yourself, “Yes, I’m human Like everybody else on the planet, I fail and I make mistakes ”- You might acknowledge that this is part of being human; remind yourself, kindly and gently, that this is what all humans feel when they face a reality gap- This pain tells you something very important: that you’re alive, that you have a heart, that you care, and that there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got. And this is what all humans feel under such circumstances. It’s unpleasant. It hurts. And you don’t want it. And this is something you have in common with every other human being on the planet• • • I hope you found the preceding exercise helpful. Obviously, you can modify the exercise as you wish. For example, if you don’t like my suggestions for caring words, substitute your own. To find the right words, imagine yourself as a young child who is feeling the same pain as you are. If you wanted to be kind to this child, to provide support or comfort, and to show that you truly care, what kind words might you say? Whatever words spring to mind, try saying something similar to yourself, with that same attitude of care and concern and kindness. From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of RobsonSent: Saturday, 26 November 2011 8:30 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!). A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I " let go " . Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality slap, to use the book title - and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers " expansion " for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and " touching " the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

[Guest guest]

That was weird! Here’s a version without all the text crossed out! All the best,Cheers, Russ Bring to mind an issue you are struggling with. Take a few moments to reflect on the nature of this problem and how it is affecting you, and let your difficult thoughts and feelings arise: 1 Be Present- Pause- That’s all you need do: just pause- Pause for a few seconds and notice what your mind is telling you Notice its choice of words and the speed and volume of its speech- Be curious: Is this story old and familiar, or something new? What time zones is your mind taking you into: the past, present, or future? What judgments is it making? What labels is it using?- Don’t try to debate with your mind or silence it; you’ll only stir it up- Simply notice the story it’s telling you- And notice, with curiosity, all the different emotions that arise. What do you discover? Guilt, sadness, anger, fear, or embarrassment? Resentment, despair, anguish, rage, or anxiety?- Name these emotions as they arise: “Here’s fear” or “Here’s sadness ”- Pay attention, like a curious child, to what is going on inside your body- Where are you feeling these emotions the most? What are the sizes, shapes, and temperatures of these feelings? How many layers do they have? How many different types of sensation can you find within them? 2 Open Up- Now slowly and deeply breathe into the pain- Do so with an attitude of kindness- Infuse this breath with caring and contribution; see it as an act of comfort and support- Imagine your breath flowing into it and around your pain- Imagine that a vast space magically opens up inside you, making plenty of room for all those feelings- No matter how painful they are, do not fight with them- Offer peace to your feelings rather than hostility- Let them be as they are and give them plenty of space rather than push them away- And if you notice any resistance in your body— tightening, contraction, or tension— breathe into that too. Make room for it- Contribute peace and space to all that arises: your thoughts, your feelings, and your resistance 3 Hold Kindly- Now choose one of your hands- Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring- Place this hand, slowly and gently, on whichever part of your body hurts the most- Perhaps you feel the pain more in your chest, or perhaps in your head, neck, or stomach? Wherever it is most intense, lay your hand there (And if you’ve gone numb or you can’t locate any particular place, then simply rest your hand on the center of your chest )- Let it rest there, lightly and gently, either on your skin or your clothes- Feel the warmth flowing from your palm to your body- Imagine your body softening around the pain, loosening up, softening up, and making space- Hold this pain gently. Hold it as if it is a crying baby, a whimpering puppy, or a fragile work of art- Infuse this gentle action with caring and warmth, as if you are reaching out to someone you care about- Let the kindness flow from your fingers- Now, use both of your hands Place one of them upon your chest and the other upon your stomach, and let them gently rest there.- Hold yourself kindly and gently, connecting with yourself, caring for yourself, and contributing comfort and support 4 Speak Kindly- Now say something caring to yourself, to express concern or affection- You might silently say a word like “gentle” or “kindness” to remind yourself of your intention- You might say, “This really hurts” or “This is hard ”- You might say, “I know this hurts, but I can do this ”- You might even repeat a quote, proverb, or saying, as long as it does not make light of your pain- If you’ve failed or made a mistake, then you might like to remind yourself, “Yes, I’m human Like everybody else on the planet, I fail and I make mistakes ”- You might acknowledge that this is part of being human; remind yourself, kindly and gently, that this is what all humans feel when they face a reality gap- This pain tells you something very important: that you’re alive, that you have a heart, that you care, and that there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got. And this is what all humans feel under such circumstances. It’s unpleasant. It hurts. And you don’t want it. And this is something you have in common with every other human being on the planet• • • I hope you found the preceding exercise helpful. Obviously, you can modify the exercise as you wish. For example, if you don’t like my suggestions for caring words, substitute your own. To find the right words, imagine yourself as a young child who is feeling the same pain as you are. If you wanted to be kind to this child, to provide support or comfort, and to show that you truly care, what kind words might you say? Whatever words spring to mind, try saying something similar to yourself, with that same attitude of care and concern and kindness. From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Russ Sent: Saturday, 26 November 2011 11:40 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: RE: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings Hi ,Self-compassion goes further than just doing expansion/acceptance. Here is an exercise from The Reality Slap on self-compassion, which I hope you’ll find useful.All the best,Cheers, Russ Here’s an extract from my book ‘The Reality Slap’ - an exercise to develop self-compassion, that I hope you’ll find useful with yourself and your clients: Bring to mind an issue you are struggling with. Take a few moments to reflect on the nature of this problem and how it is affecting you, and let your difficult thoughts and feelings arise: 1 Be Present- Pause- That’s all you need do: just pause- Pause for a few seconds and notice what your mind is telling you Notice its choice of words and the speed and volume of its speech- Be curious: Is this story old and familiar, or something new? What time zones is your mind taking you into: the past, present, or future? What judgments is it making? What labels is it using?- Don’t try to debate with your mind or silence it; you’ll only stir it up- Simply notice the story it’s telling you- And notice, with curiosity, all the different emotions that arise. What do you discover? Guilt, sadness, anger, fear, or embarrassment? Resentment, despair, anguish, rage, or anxiety?- Name these emotions as they arise: “Here’s fear” or “Here’s sadness ”- Pay attention, like a curious child, to what is going on inside your body- Where are you feeling these emotions the most? What are the sizes, shapes, and temperatures of these feelings? How many layers do they have? How many different types of sensation can you find within them? 2 Open Up- Now slowly and deeply breathe into the pain- Do so with an attitude of kindness- Infuse this breath with caring and contribution; see it as an act of comfort and support- Imagine your breath flowing into it and around your pain- Imagine that a vast space magically opens up inside you, making plenty of room for all those feelings- No matter how painful they are, do not fight with them- Offer peace to your feelings rather than hostility- Let them be as they are and give them plenty of space rather than push them away- And if you notice any resistance in your body— tightening, contraction, or tension— breathe into that too. Make room for it- Contribute peace and space to all that arises: your thoughts, your feelings, and your resistance 3 Hold Kindly- Now choose one of your hands- Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring- Place this hand, slowly and gently, on whichever part of your body hurts the most- Perhaps you feel the pain more in your chest, or perhaps in your head, neck, or stomach? Wherever it is most intense, lay your hand there (And if you’ve gone numb or you can’t locate any particular place, then simply rest your hand on the center of your chest )- Let it rest there, lightly and gently, either on your skin or your clothes- Feel the warmth flowing from your palm to your body- Imagine your body softening around the pain, loosening up, softening up, and making space- Hold this pain gently. Hold it as if it is a crying baby, a whimpering puppy, or a fragile work of art- Infuse this gentle action with caring and warmth, as if you are reaching out to someone you care about- Let the kindness flow from your fingers- Now, use both of your hands Place one of them upon your chest and the other upon your stomach, and let them gently rest there.- Hold yourself kindly and gently, connecting with yourself, caring for yourself, and contributing comfort and support 4 Speak Kindly- Now say something caring to yourself, to express concern or affection- You might silently say a word like “gentle” or “kindness” to remind yourself of your intention- You might say, “This really hurts” or “This is hard ”- You might say, “I know this hurts, but I can do this ”- You might even repeat a quote, proverb, or saying, as long as it does not make light of your pain- If you’ve failed or made a mistake, then you might like to remind yourself, “Yes, I’m human Like everybody else on the planet, I fail and I make mistakes ”- You might acknowledge that this is part of being human; remind yourself, kindly and gently, that this is what all humans feel when they face a reality gap- This pain tells you something very important: that you’re alive, that you have a heart, that you care, and that there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got. And this is what all humans feel under such circumstances. It’s unpleasant. It hurts. And you don’t want it. And this is something you have in common with every other human being on the planet• • • I hope you found the preceding exercise helpful. Obviously, you can modify the exercise as you wish. For example, if you don’t like my suggestions for caring words, substitute your own. To find the right words, imagine yourself as a young child who is feeling the same pain as you are. If you wanted to be kind to this child, to provide support or comfort, and to show that you truly care, what kind words might you say? Whatever words spring to mind, try saying something similar to yourself, with that same attitude of care and concern and kindness. From: ACT_for_the_Public@... m [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of RobsonSent: Saturday, 26 November 2011 8:30 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!). A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I " let go " . Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality slap, to use the book title - and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers " expansion " for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and " touching " the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

[Guest guest]

and allThe trap for me with expansion/acceptance is expecting it to make the nasty feelings go away. My mind can tell whether I have really accepted the feelings or not. If not, it sees struggle and keeps on pulling me back into them. When I truly accept them (look at them with curiosity rather than fear and dread - do the exercises!!!) there is very little for the thinking self to pull on. It will surely come back to pull again later but for the moment the struggle stops. After a while I actually began to notice the feelings were not so intense. Acceptance, like defusion, is an ongoing process. I consciously do them every day, often many times a day. The more I do it the less the thoughts and feelings interfere with me living a valued life. My anxiety will probably always be there, but, with ACT, I have been able to greatly reduce the struggling I have with it. In my case, the pain from the struggle was worse that the anxiety itself.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: oscar.robson@...Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2011 21:30:19 +0000Subject: Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings

So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!).

A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad.

x

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or

evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I "let go". Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality slap, to use the book title -

and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers "expansion" for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My

question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and "touching" the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bill.I can also see that I struggle with the feelings, and so much more than I do with the thoughts. I look at them with fear and dread. What is most annoying is that the struggle seems so automatic, and I don't quite see a mechanism for letting go of the struggle.Randy suggested an idea from GOOYM about defusing from the implicity evaluation of feelings. They feel absolutely terrible, but maybe if I could defuse from that label, then I'd struggle less. I don't know. I will order the book.I see that Russ has also very generously given me an exercise, which I will try later.I am

encouraged that there is a way towards acceptance of feeling which is practice and exercise-based. I do very well when I can take stuff away and just practice and practice until it comes. I feel much better armed with the responses I've had in the last few days.Best wishes and thanks x To: ACT_for_the_Public <act_for_the_public > Sent: Saturday, 26 November 2011, 1:40 Subject: RE: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings

and allThe trap for me with expansion/acceptance is expecting it to make the nasty feelings go away. My mind can tell whether I have really accepted the feelings or not. If not, it sees struggle and keeps on pulling me back into them. When I truly accept them (look at them with curiosity rather than fear and dread - do the exercises!!!) there is very little for the thinking self to pull on. It will surely come back to pull again later but for the moment the struggle stops. After a while I actually began to notice the feelings were not so intense. Acceptance, like defusion, is an ongoing process. I consciously do them every day, often many times a day. The more I do it the less the thoughts and feelings interfere with me

living a valued life. My anxiety will probably always be there, but, with ACT, I have been able to greatly reduce the struggling I have with it. In my case, the pain from the struggle was worse that the anxiety itself.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: oscar.robson@...Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2011 21:30:19 +0000Subject: Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings

So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!).

A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad.

x

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or

evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I "let go". Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality

slap, to use the book title -

and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers "expansion" for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My

question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and "touching" the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>

[Guest guest]

Dear RussThis is a very powerful exercise, thank you. I've just done this a couple of times and I feel a little more at ease and relaxed. I will keep practing. During the exercise, at the point "Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring", both times I have cried buckets. Whoever

I picture, my wife, my son or my mum, I know if they really were there at that very moment, I would have cried into them. I don't know if this is part of the healing process, or reflects some inner struggle. I offer, in return, a famous poem that I recite sometimes to remind myself to notice the real world around me, not just what's in my head.What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep, or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this, if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Saturday, 26 November 2011, 1:36 Subject: RE: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings

That was weird! Here’s a version without all the text crossed out! All the best,Cheers, Russ Bring to mind an issue you are struggling with. Take a few moments to reflect on the nature of this problem and how it is affecting you, and let your difficult thoughts and feelings arise: 1 Be Present- Pause- That’s all you need do: just pause- Pause for a few seconds and notice what your mind is telling you Notice its choice of words and the speed and volume of its speech- Be curious: Is this story old and familiar, or something new? What time zones is your mind taking you into: the past, present, or future? What

judgments is it making? What labels is it using?- Don’t try to debate with your mind or silence it; you’ll only stir it up- Simply notice the story it’s telling you- And notice, with curiosity, all the different emotions that arise. What do you discover? Guilt, sadness, anger, fear, or embarrassment? Resentment, despair, anguish, rage, or anxiety?- Name these emotions as they arise: “Here’s fear†or “Here’s sadness â€- Pay attention, like a curious child, to what is going on inside your body- Where are you feeling these emotions the most? What are the sizes, shapes, and temperatures of these feelings? How many layers do they have? How many different types of sensation can you find within them? 2 Open Up- Now slowly and deeply breathe into the pain- Do so with an attitude of kindness- Infuse this breath with caring and contribution; see it as an act of comfort and support- Imagine your breath flowing into it and around your pain- Imagine that a vast space magically opens up inside you, making plenty of room for all those feelings- No matter how painful they are, do not fight with them- Offer peace to your feelings rather than hostility- Let them be as they are and give them plenty of space rather than push them away- And if you notice any resistance in your body— tightening, contraction, or tension— breathe into that too. Make room for it- Contribute peace and space to all that arises: your thoughts, your feelings, and your resistance 3 Hold Kindly- Now choose one of your hands- Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring- Place this hand, slowly and gently, on whichever part of your body hurts the most- Perhaps you feel the pain more in your chest, or perhaps in your head, neck, or stomach? Wherever it is most intense, lay your hand there (And if you’ve gone numb or you can’t locate any particular place, then simply rest your hand on the center of your chest )- Let it rest there, lightly and gently, either on your skin or your clothes- Feel the warmth flowing from your palm to your body- Imagine your body softening around the pain, loosening up, softening up, and making space- Hold this pain gently. Hold it as if it is a crying baby, a whimpering puppy, or a fragile work of art- Infuse this gentle action with caring and warmth, as if you are reaching out to someone you care about- Let the kindness flow from your

fingers- Now, use both of your hands Place one of them upon your chest and the other upon your stomach, and let them gently rest there.- Hold yourself kindly and gently, connecting with yourself, caring for yourself, and contributing comfort and support 4 Speak Kindly- Now say something caring to yourself, to express concern or affection- You might silently say a word like “gentle†or “kindness†to remind yourself of your intention- You might say, “This really hurts†or “This is hard â€- You might say, “I know this

hurts, but I can do this â€- You might even repeat a quote, proverb, or saying, as long as it does not make light of your pain- If you’ve failed or made a mistake, then you might like to remind yourself, “Yes, I’m human Like everybody else on the planet, I fail and I make mistakes â€- You might acknowledge that this is part of being human; remind yourself, kindly and gently, that this is what all humans feel when

they face a reality gap- This pain tells you something very important: that you’re alive, that you have a heart, that you care, and that there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got. And this is what all humans feel under such circumstances. It’s unpleasant. It hurts. And you don’t want it. And this is something you have in common with every other human being on the planet• • • I hope you found the preceding exercise helpful. Obviously, you can modify the exercise as you wish. For example, if you don’t like my suggestions for caring words, substitute your own. To find the right words, imagine yourself as a young child who is feeling the same pain as you are. If you wanted to be kind to this child, to provide support or comfort, and to show that you truly care, what kind words might you say? Whatever words spring to mind, try saying something similar to yourself, with that same attitude of care and concern and kindness. From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Russ Sent: Saturday, 26 November 2011 11:40 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: RE: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings Hi ,Self-compassion goes further than just doing expansion/acceptance.

Here is an exercise from The Reality Slap on self-compassion, which I hope you’ll find useful.All the best,Cheers, Russ Here’s an extract from my book ‘The Reality Slap’ - an exercise to

develop self-compassion, that I hope you’ll find useful with yourself and your clients: Bring to mind an issue you are struggling with. Take a few moments to reflect on the nature of this problem and how it is affecting you, and let your difficult thoughts and feelings arise: 1 Be Present- Pause- That’s all you need do: just pause- Pause for a few seconds and notice what your mind is telling you Notice its choice of words and the speed and volume of its speech- Be curious: Is this story old and familiar, or something new?

What time zones is your mind taking you into: the past, present, or future? What judgments is it making? What labels is it using?- Don’t try to debate with your mind or silence it; you’ll only stir it up- Simply notice the story it’s telling you- And notice, with curiosity, all the different

emotions that arise. What do you discover? Guilt, sadness, anger, fear, or embarrassment? Resentment, despair, anguish, rage, or anxiety?- Name these emotions as they arise: “Here’s fear†or “Here’s sadness â€- Pay attention, like a curious child, to what is going on inside your body- Where

are you feeling these emotions the most? What are the sizes, shapes, and temperatures of these feelings? How many layers do they have? How many different types of sensation can you find within them? 2 Open Up- Now slowly and deeply breathe into the pain- Do so with an attitude of kindness- Infuse this breath with caring and contribution; see it as an act of comfort and support- Imagine your breath flowing into it and around your pain- Imagine that a vast space magically opens up inside you, making plenty of room for all those feelings- No matter how painful they are, do not fight with them- Offer peace to your feelings rather than hostility- Let them be as they are and give them plenty of space rather than push them away- And if you notice any resistance in your body— tightening, contraction, or tension— breathe into that too. Make room for it- Contribute peace and space to all that arises: your thoughts, your feelings, and your resistance 3 Hold Kindly- Now choose one of your hands- Imagine this is the hand of someone very kind and caring- Place this hand, slowly and gently, on whichever part of your body hurts the most- Perhaps you feel the pain more in your chest, or perhaps in your

head, neck, or stomach? Wherever it is most intense, lay your hand there (And if you’ve gone numb or you can’t locate any particular place, then simply rest your hand on the center of your chest )- Let it rest there, lightly and gently, either on your skin or your clothes- Feel the warmth flowing from your palm to your body- Imagine your body softening around the pain, loosening up, softening up, and making space- Hold this pain gently. Hold it as if it is a crying baby, a whimpering puppy, or a fragile work of art- Infuse this gentle action with caring and warmth, as if you are reaching out to someone you care about- Let the kindness flow from your fingers- Now, use both of your hands Place one of them upon your chest and the other upon your stomach, and let them gently rest there.- Hold yourself kindly and gently, connecting with yourself, caring for yourself, and contributing comfort and support 4 Speak Kindly- Now say something caring to yourself, to express concern or affection- You might silently say a word like “gentle†or “kindness†to remind yourself of your intention- You might say, “This really hurts†or “This is hard â€- You might say, “I know this hurts, but I can do this â€- You might even repeat a quote, proverb, or saying, as long as it does not make light of your pain- If you’ve failed or made a mistake, then you might like to remind yourself, “Yes, I’m human Like everybody else on the planet, I fail and I make mistakes â€- You might acknowledge that this is part of being human; remind yourself, kindly and gently, that this is what all humans feel when they face a reality gap- This pain tells you

something very important: that you’re alive, that you have a heart, that you care, and that there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got. And this is what all humans feel under such circumstances. It’s unpleasant. It hurts. And you don’t want it. And this is something you have in common with every other human being on the planet• • • I hope you found the preceding exercise helpful. Obviously, you can modify

the exercise as you wish. For example, if you don’t like my suggestions for caring words, substitute your own. To find the right words, imagine yourself as a young child who is feeling the same pain as you are. If you wanted to be kind to this child, to provide support or comfort, and to show that you truly care, what kind words might you say? Whatever words spring to mind, try saying something similar to yourself, with that same attitude of care and concern and kindness. From: ACT_for_the_Public@... m [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of RobsonSent: Saturday, 26 November 2011 8:30 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelings So much for me to go on, thank you so much everyone. Helpful references to further reading and example exercises (cheers, Simone, Randy), a reminder of the importance of values (thanks Bill), words of encouragement and support and comaraderie (thanks Bruce, Neil), and a lovely, simply wonderful, image of my physical feelings as an impish, scrabbling, annoying but harmless mouse. (That'll stick with me, Lou!). A rough day, but I am writing this in the dark whilst my sleeping son snores lightly next to me, amongst his mountain of teddy bears. If I can come home every day to this, then life isn't all bad. x To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, 25 November 2011, 21:11Subject: Re: ACT exercises to help with feelingsHi ,In terms of

the practice method/technique, I think expansion has two rules to it. The first is to practice being 'open' to the feeling and the second is to be able to look at it curiously (without judgement or evaluation). It is easy to write but harder to do.My mind has me in pictures again and I see myself holding the tail of a little mouse. I tell myself that I'm observing the mouse (representing feelings), being open to that observation and curiously anticipating what that little mouse will do next. There is a fatal flaw in my practice though...I'm holding the mouses' tail. I can never know the true nature of the mouse unless I "let go". Hence, expansion and acceptance seem to be like a couple, they work together.I hope this makes some sense and doesn't come across too goofy.Lou>> Hello> > Every few months something triggers what I perceive to be a crisis - a reality slap, to use the book title - and I end up writing on here with a specific issue with ACT that I've not resolved. That time has come again.> > There are lots of techniques to defuse from unhelpful thoughts. I find that noticing 5 things and the leaves on a stream imagery helps enormously, but there are others too. I find them easy to practice, any time I want to. > > But for feelings.....> > I only have The Happiness Trap, which offers "expansion" for feelings. I am surprised how little we talk about expansion on the forum, as compared to

defusion. I find that expansion does nothing for me. It does nothing to change the way I perceive the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I perceive that feeling to be worse than any pain I've ever suffered, and I can't seem to change that perception. I know I can't get rid of it, but I want to change my perception of how significant it is.> > My question: is expansion the only ACT exercise that can help with feelings you get? Is there anything else in the other books that might help me? Something meditation-based? Someone once mentioned something about an exercise where you picture someone reaching in and "touching" the feeling in your stomach, whilst practicing expansion, but I've forgotten about that one. I think that I need something to practice.> > Sorry if this is repetitive. When in a slump, I find I forget things that people have told me.> > Any

thoughts very much welcome> > x>------------------------------------For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.orgIf you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may unsubscribe by sending an email to ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links<*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings

online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join (Yahoo! ID required)<*> To change settings via email: ACT_for_the_Public-digest ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured <*>