Re: Need your help

[Guest guest]

, I can't think of any suggestions since this is something I am too afraid to do (public speaking), but I love the advice offered. I just want to say that I think what you are doing by reaching out to these women is amazing and wonderful!Best of luck with your talk. I have a feeling you will get through to them. Please let us know how it goes : )

Helena

To: "act for the public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Saturday, September 24, 2011 1:52:52 AMSubject: Need your help

salaamz:-)As many of you know, I am a Muslim Woman, who developed Social Anxiety as a result of being a victim of racism and prejudice. I have suffered enoought years to feel like a decade. But it is not just I, my family, my friends, we go through this struggle constantly. Social Anxiety became augorphobia. that became generalized anxiety, and my struggles kept increasing, until i went to Chicago and was able to get the right help, alhamdulillah!. Now as a person who feels free (not of anxiety ofcourse:-) to be able to practice living her life fully and meaniningfully, I am ready (not really ready but willing to) to reach out to my people, my community (muslim women), not as an adviser, not as a professinal, not as a person of full knowledge of the treatment, but merely as a sufferer, just like them, and not teach them , but share with them everything that i have learnt to overcome my struggles. ACT is a very different. way of looking at your struggles, while it is so simple in some ways and so logical, sometimes to a lay person, it might sound like a completely foreign language. As a lay person's attitue is- suck it up and move on , or don't think about it and eventually it will all go away, after all it is all in your head, or u should be strong, not for yourself but atlest for your family who depend on you. I am reaching out to a community, where even mentioning the words anxiety/depression/post partum is such a big taboo. In such a group, i intend to not just reach out, but open up, with the hope that others will start to open up as well, and start seeking the help they need. I had started to open up to my weekly halaqa (a religious gathering comprised 10-15 women), and when they started doing it too, it was sad to see howmuch suffering is there, and how much stigma is attached to getting help for it. I have a few friends and family memebers who reached confide in me, and while i cannot give theraputic advice, i am always there for them as far as sharing with them any coping skills i have used, that have helped me. I am a part of 2 public speaking clubs (toastmasters international), which i joined for several reasons, 1 is to learn to put myself in situattions that cause me the most anxiety (speaking in front of an audicne) , NOT for the purpose of doing enough exposure so it eventually gooes away, but for the purpose of being able to partice the technique of accepting and expanding to make enough room for the anxiety, AND focusing on the present moment and the task at hand (delivering the speech, not the best speech but simply the best way i can at that moment). so being connected with the underlying purpose, being able to connect to the audience and speak to them about topics that i am passionate about. my here Value is - reaching out to people, eventually my people to be able to help them. Goal - strengthing my public speaking skills in order to be able to reach out to them effectively. I have jsut asked them to mentor me, so i can become more confident in my talks, and can get better at deliering my message. I gave my very first speech on introducing some ACT concepts, a couple days back. this was my 4th speech in this club. While the delivery was good, they loved my topic (misconceptions about happiness. what true happiness stands for, the 4 myths about happiness), my message did not reach them. It was somewhat misinterpreted. When i was being evaluated, and when the other club members came up, to say wonderful things about the speech, they did not get the gist of the speech. They went home believing that this was a motivational, feel good speech, which was stressing on how to think positively and be optimistic. Where as my message was - living a full, rich and meaningful life means being able to expereince the full range of human emotions that life has to offer. if we chase after the "feel good" emotion, and hold on to it, especially becoz we want to avoid feeling unhappy, then we r bound to suffer, coz just like any other human emotion, the feeling of happniess does not last etc. etc.They r confident public speakers, perhaps they did not suffer from the same struggles as me hence interpreted my speech as something else, perhaps their level of distress is so low that control stratergies seem to work just ok for them. Bottom line, i realized my message did not go through the way i expected. This brings me to my point, I am going to deliver my very first speech/lecture for my community and it will be based on topics from the happiness trap. Speaking in front of MY people, is something that i have never done (presenting wise) as even thinking about it in the past, or imagining it, or once in a while answering a question, would cause a panic attack. How am i gonna do this oct. 1st, i am not sure. But Why am i gonna put myself in this situtaion, in service of my value- to be able to reach out to them, so they can undeerstand how important it is to do something about it when u are struggling with psychological disorders/mental sufferings. Few things that makes me anxious :

I am standing up to be the one who breaks this stigma by opening up about myself and my struggles. It is a taboo in my community. While i will reach out to some peoople, there is no doubt i will be looked down upon by many. My value makes me willing to go trhough it , but fear and axniety is still present no doubt Presentation anxiety has always been there, anxiety about being the only one presenting in this topic, being the focal attention, not for \ few minutes, but for a 4 hour event. and in front of people (MY peope) i have never done before, yes that causes anixtey/fear too.

My speech content is cruical too, as that will determine if i get more chances in conducting these events and adressing this issue. If i panic, blank out, speech content will suffer no doubt, it won't be delivered effectively, or might not even be delivered depending on how anxious i get. p.s. the "what ifs" r not something i am fused to, but no doubt they come and go as unpleasnt thoughts in my head. When they come, they r always accompanied by painful sensations as though i am living the event. But feel like i know how to practice mindfulness right now. Being able to do it them, i am not sure of.

I am not an expert, hence my credibility will be questioned espcially since i am a sufferer. As it has been questioned by a couple when i mentioned what i paln of presenting.

50% of the people will be new faces, and also some elderly people of my community. So a lotta judgements:-) also i want to be able to cover topics where i can relate to them on a very personal level, adress their sufferings , depression is a major from what i am hearing from a lotta them opening up to me now. OMGooooooodness, i am soooooo sorry my email is insanly loooooong, i have no idea how i always manage to go off topic soo much to finally get to my points in the end.any advice from my dear fellow members and experts? :-) wasalaam:-)-K Designs.

"" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have their shoes." ~ a very pious intellectual

[Guest guest]

,

I agree with what both Helena and Steve has said. For myself,

public speaking has never really been an issue - I do

presentations & teach and so on and although I do get nervous or

anxious, I see it as something natural & OK.

Now & then I will get surprise myself and get shaky - I did a

reading of an essay in front of a small group of fellow writers a

couple of weeks ago & though normally my voice is steady, for some

reason my voice got quavery & my breath was very tight.

Even in this situation I found it helpful to do what I always do

anyway, which is keep in contact with the audience. I was reading

from a piece of paper, so now & then I would make sure to glance

up & make brief eye contact with different people around the room.

To me the connection is so important. And it helps people hear you

better, I think.

I also made sure to take my time & slow down - periodically I

would pause for a moment before going on & take a breath & just

allow myself to be present. I didn't plan this ahead of time - but

it made sense then & there & I think also helped my audience follow

what I was reading/saying.

The only other thing I would mention is that it is OK if people

don't totally get it - it is not that you have failed, but that (as

you know) ACT stuff can be slippery. If those of your audience who

are open to listening get even a fraction of your intent that will

be huge, I think.

I admire your courage & hope to borrow some of it for myself - I

have a similarly tricky situation to deal with that has just come

up, involving a community I am part of. I am not sure what to do

yet but you inspire me to try.

- Randy

[Guest guest]

Ultimately, you can't control how people will react, or what their thoughts will

be, but I am confident that it will be heard by the ones who are seeking that

message...

It takes courage to do what you are doing, and it is inspiring, so thank you for

sharing

Best,

VC

>

>

> salaamz:-)

> As many of you know, I am a Muslim Woman, who developed Social Anxiety as a

result of being a victim of racism and prejudice. I have suffered enoought years

to feel like a decade. But it is not just I, my family, my friends, we go

through this struggle constantly. Social Anxiety became augorphobia. that became

generalized anxiety, and my struggles kept increasing, until i went to Chicago

and was able to get the right help, alhamdulillah!.

> Now as a person who feels free (not of anxiety ofcourse:-) to be able to

practice living her life fully and meaniningfully, I am ready (not really ready

but willing to) to reach out to my people, my community (muslim women), not as

an adviser, not as a professinal, not as a person of full knowledge of the

treatment, but merely as a sufferer, just like them, and not teach them , but

share with them everything that i have learnt to overcome my struggles.

>

> ACT is a very different. way of looking at your struggles, while it is so

simple in some ways and so logical, sometimes to a lay person, it might sound

like a completely foreign language. As a lay person's attitue is- suck it up and

move on , or don't think about it and eventually it will all go away, after all

it is all in your head, or u should be strong, not for yourself but atlest for

your family who depend on you.

>

> I am reaching out to a community, where even mentioning the words

anxiety/depression/post partum is such a big taboo. In such a group, i intend to

not just reach out, but open up, with the hope that others will start to open up

as well, and start seeking the help they need. I had started to open up to my

weekly halaqa (a religious gathering comprised 10-15 women), and when they

started doing it too, it was sad to see howmuch suffering is there, and how much

stigma is attached to getting help for it. I have a few friends and family

memebers who reached confide in me, and while i cannot give theraputic advice, i

am always there for them as far as sharing with them any coping skills i have

used, that have helped me.

>

> I am a part of 2 public speaking clubs (toastmasters international), which i

joined for several reasons, 1 is to learn to put myself in situattions that

cause me the most anxiety (speaking in front of an audicne) , NOT for the

purpose of doing enough exposure so it eventually gooes away, but for the

purpose of being able to partice the technique of accepting and expanding to

make enough room for the anxiety, AND focusing on the present moment and the

task at hand (delivering the speech, not the best speech but simply the best

way i can at that moment). so being connected with the underlying purpose, being

able to connect to the audience and speak to them about topics that i am

passionate about.

> my here Value is - reaching out to people, eventually my people to be able to

help them. Goal - strengthing my public speaking skills in order to be able to

reach out to them effectively. I have jsut asked them to mentor me, so i can

become more confident in my talks, and can get better at deliering my message.

>

> I gave my very first speech on introducing some ACT concepts, a couple days

back. this was my 4th speech in this club. While the delivery was good, they

loved my topic (misconceptions about happiness. what true happiness stands for,

the 4 myths about happiness), my message did not reach them. It was somewhat

misinterpreted. When i was being evaluated, and when the other club members came

up, to say wonderful things about the speech, they did not get the gist of the

speech. They went home believing that this was a motivational, feel good speech,

which was stressing on how to think positively and be optimistic.

> Where as my message was - living a full, rich and meaningful life means being

able to expereince the full range of human emotions that life has to offer. if

we chase after the " feel good " emotion, and hold on to it, especially becoz we

want to avoid feeling unhappy, then we r bound to suffer, coz just like any

other human emotion, the feeling of happniess does not last etc. etc.

> They r confident public speakers, perhaps they did not suffer from the same

struggles as me hence interpreted my speech as something else, perhaps their

level of distress is so low that control stratergies seem to work just ok for

them. Bottom line, i realized my message did not go through the way i expected.

>

> This brings me to my point, I am going to deliver my very first speech/lecture

for my community and it will be based on topics from the happiness trap.

Speaking in front of MY people, is something that i have never done (presenting

wise) as even thinking about it in the past, or imagining it, or once in a while

answering a question, would cause a panic attack.

>

> How am i gonna do this oct. 1st, i am not sure. But Why am i gonna put myself

in this situtaion, in service of my value- to be able to reach out to them, so

they can undeerstand how important it is to do something about it when u are

struggling with psychological disorders/mental sufferings.

>

> Few things that makes me anxious :

> I am standing up to be the one who breaks this stigma by opening up about

myself and my struggles. It is a taboo in my community. While i will reach out

to some peoople, there is no doubt i will be looked down upon by many. My value

makes me willing to go trhough it , but fear and axniety is still present no

doubtPresentation anxiety has always been there, anxiety about being the only

one presenting in this topic, being the focal attention, not for \ few minutes,

but for a 4 hour event. and in front of people (MY peope) i have never done

before, yes that causes anixtey/fear too.

> My speech content is cruical too, as that will determine if i get more chances

in conducting these events and adressing this issue. If i panic, blank out,

speech content will suffer no doubt, it won't be delivered effectively, or might

not even be delivered depending on how anxious i get. p.s. the " what ifs " r not

something i am fused to, but no doubt they come and go as unpleasnt thoughts in

my head. When they come, they r always accompanied by painful sensations as

though i am living the event. But feel like i know how to practice mindfulness

right now. Being able to do it them, i am not sure of.

> I am not an expert, hence my credibility will be questioned espcially since i

am a sufferer. As it has been questioned by a couple when i mentioned what i

paln of presenting.

> 50% of the people will be new faces, and also some elderly people of my

community. So a lotta judgements:-)also i want to be able to cover topics where

i can relate to them on a very personal level, adress their sufferings ,

depression is a major from what i am hearing from a lotta them opening up to me

now.

> OMGooooooodness, i am soooooo sorry my email is insanly loooooong, i have no

idea how i always manage to go off topic soo much to finally get to my points in

the end.

>

> any advice from my dear fellow members and experts? :-)

> wasalaam:-)

>

>

> -K Designs.

>

>

>

>

>

> " " Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

>

> That way, when you criticize them, you're already a mile away AND you have

their

> shoes. "

> ~ a very pious intellectual

>